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“Well, if this isn’t a pleasant surprise. Twice in one day.”
“Hey, Mom.” I shove my hands into my pockets.
“Is everything all right? Max?” she asks, coming toward me across the porch.
“No, no. Everyone’s fine. Max is fine,” I reassure her.
Mom covers her heart with her hand, as if trying to compose herself. “Oh, okay. Well, good. Come have a seat,” she offers, going to the porch swing and taking a seat.
My feet are leaded, my legs wooden, as I make my way over to the where she sits. We’re both quiet for a few minutes, both lost in our own thoughts. Finally, I speak. “I saw him today.”
Mom doesn’t reply for a few long seconds before asking, “Oh?”
“It was a mess. After you left Kate’s, we went back to cleaning the library and office. Aunt Emma dropped a book and a few papers spilled out. They were letters.” I tell her everything that happened afterwards, from calming Kate to going and confronting Dad.
“Are you okay?” she asks, after a few moments of silence.
“Am I okay? What about you? Are you okay?” I ask, completely flabbergasted Mom seems so calm about the entire situation.
“Oh, Jensen, I’m fine. I’ve come to peace with what happened in our marriage and how it ended.”
“But…he cheated on you. You forgave him for that?”
Mom sighs. “It took a while, Jensen, I’m not going to lie. I was angry for a long time, but do you know what? He left me with the best part of him. You. Your brother and sisters. Was it hard? Most days I didn’t want to get out of bed, but I did because of you. You all needed me. I picked my heart up off the floor and put it into this place and into raising you all. Do I hate he left us? Absolutely. Am I saddened you all barely have a relationship with him because of his actions? More than anything. But am I still upset and crying over him leaving? No. We can’t change our path in life, only adapt to the twists and turns. I adapted, and in the process, forgave him. I was able to move on.”
I glance her way, hearing her words and seeing the smile on her face.
“Besides, it’s his loss, Jensen. He doesn’t get to play catch with Max or see the smiles on his daughters’ faces when they talk about their loves.”
I clear my throat. “He asked if he could call me or visit sometime.”
“And what did you say?”
“I told him I’d think about it.”
She looks me square in the eye. “And I hope you do. For you and for Max. No one is perfect, Jensen. He’s made mistakes. If he’s finally ready to own up to them, I think you owe it to yourself to consider forgiving him. For you, not for him. It’s gotta be for you.”
Moving my arm so it’s resting on her shoulder, I pull her into my side. “You’re pretty smart, you know that?” I tease, loving I can still make my mom laugh after such a serious conversation.
“I do know,” she assures me, drawing my own laugh from my gut.
“I’ll think about calling him,” I tell her, knowing I honestly will. I do miss my dad, more than anything. Knowing my mom has moved on and forgiven him for his affairs is a step toward mending our severed relationship. “I can’t say we’ll be best buds or anything, but I do want to let go of the hostility I’ve been carrying for all these years. And I want Max to know his grandpa.”
Mom squeezes my leg in support. “You’ll get there. Go at your own pace.”
I pull her head toward mine and kiss the side of her forehead. We sit there and swing for a few more minutes, both of us lost in our own thoughts. For me, I think about my dad and the years we’ve lost following his infidelity. I was an angry teenager, directing all of my rage toward him for tearing apart our family. And while those feelings were completely valid, it’s been many years. I’m tired of carrying the baggage on my shoulders. I’m ready to let it go. Will I forgive him? Maybe. Maybe not. Only time will tell.
“Any chance you have any of that chocolate zucchini bread left?”
