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The one I’m falling in love with.
I tell myself a thousand times over I won’t cry as we approach the McGhee Tyson Airport. I won’t let myself get lost in the sadness of the moment, but will rejoice in our time spent together. It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, right? Bullshit. This sucks.
He doesn’t pull up to departures, which I’m grateful for. Instead, he heads for the parking garage and finds a spot near the entrance. With heavy legs, I start to exit the SUV, only to find Rueben there, offering me a hand. When I take it, I ignore the tremble in my fingers. If Rueben sees it, he doesn’t say.
At the back of the vehicle, he pulls my big suitcase out, locks the doors, and pulls it toward the entrance. He wraps his arms around my shoulders and pulls me close as we walk side-by-side through the dark, wet parking garage and into the bright yellow airport lights.
He hovers at my side as I check in, taking my bag over to the counter to help me check my bag. I have my carry-on and purse with me, and the moment his hands are free of my big bag, he takes my smaller one and throws it over his shoulder.
Then, we head to security.
My throat is so tight, I’m not even sure how I’m breathing. Emotions clog my airway and those pesky tears cloud my eyes once more. When we reach the point of no return, I turn in his arm, his body wrapping around me in comfort. My body shakes as the tears come hard and fast. He doesn’t care though, just lets me cry into his T-shirt and rubs soothing circles on my back.
“This week was the best I’ve ever had,” he whispers, his own voice thick and raspy.
“Me too,” I tell him, pulling back just enough to glance up. His eyes are shiny, and he doesn’t seem the least bothered by it. His tears don’t fall like mine, though.
“I…” he starts, clearing his throat. “Cricket, I… I don’t want this to end.”
My heart starts to beat a little harder than before, which considering it was pounding so loud I swear everyone in the airport could hear is really saying something. “I don’t want it to end either.”
He gives me a smile of relief. “Okay. So, we have a lot to think about, right? I mean, the logistics of this aren’t going to be easy.”
No, it’s going to be downright hard.
“With me starting my new job, I just don’t know when I can get away for a visit yet. And you, I know it’s not easy for you to get time off.”
Realization weighs heavily on my chest. He’s right. There are so many things working against us in this moment I’m not sure if we can actually make a long-distance relationship work.
I nod.
“I’ll call you or text every chance I get, okay?”
Again, I nod my head, unable to find the words to ease the discomfort settling into my chest.
Rueben pulls me back against his chest and squeezes tight. “I promise we’ll figure this out, Crick.”
“We will,” I find myself saying, though in my head, I just don’t see it happening.
Before I pull back, I inhale against his shirt one last time. I want to remember the exact way he smelled as I’m traveling to the other side of the country, away from the man I’m falling in love with.
When I pull back, he swipes at my tears, his eyes so full of longing and regret. “I’m going to miss you,” he says, giving me a small smile.
“I’ll miss you too.”
He places his lips on mine and just holds them there, savoring the last and drawing out our connection just a little longer. When he finally pulls back, it feels like my heart is being ripped from my body. Rueben lets go of me and takes a step back, removing my small bag and handing it to me. Our fingers touch as I take the bag, that familiar sizzle of electricity still ever present.
“Bye, Ruby,” I tell him, trying with everything I have to put on a brave face and give him a grin.
“I’ll make you pay for that,” he says, but the words hold no bite. Instead, they hold regret. Probably because we both know it may be a long time before he can make good on his idle threat.
If ever.
“I’ll hold you to it,” I still reply, goodheartedly, even though it feels anything but good.
My heart feels bad.
Horrible.
