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Julia could not think she would be much help with packing, for she would be sure to do it wrongly and crush the delicate fabrics and carefully constructed sleeves. Nevertheless, she willing followed Mama, Rosie and Angie upstairs, and prepared to submit to a day of tedium.
Enoch knocked on the door shortly before noon. “Master wants to see Miss Julia in his office.”
Julia’s stomach clenched in fear — not again! Surely it could not be James importuning her yet again? “Is anyone with him, Enoch?”
“No, miss, he’s quite alone.”
“Has anyone called on him this morning?”
“No, miss.”
It was safe, then. Pa was indeed alone, standing gazing out of the front window over the steps and down towards the lake.
“You wanted to see me, Pa?”
“Come here, puss, and tell me what you see.”
She crossed the room to stand beside him and looked out at the view. “I see my favourite walk, across the lake and up the hill to the High Field gate. I see freedom.”
He chuckled. “Aye, I can understand that. Now, for me it represents responsibility. A burden. All that land to be cared for, and tenants depending on me. And yet… so much space. So much greenery and fresh, clean air. My office in Fullers Road overlooked the street, with all the noise and wagons rumbling past at all hours. In the summer, I couldn’t open the window for the horse dung not cleaned up swiftly enough, and the rest of the year there was smoke lying, sometimes so bad I couldn’t see old Mr Hagger’s house opposite. And yet, when we first came here, I couldn’t sleep at night or read the newspaper of a morning because it was soquiet.”
“But you like it now?” Julia said tentatively.
“Aye, I do. It’s home, isn’t it? Your mama’s happy, so I’m happy too. Will and the girls are looking forward to London, and Johnny is going to fill the library with books. Everyone is happy except you, puss — and Madge, but nothing makes her happy, so we can disregard that.”
“Pa, the only thing that makes me unhappy is being dragooned into marrying.”
“Yes, that was wrong of us,” he said ruefully. “I just thought— but it makes no difference. If you won’t have him, you won’t and that’s an end to it. You won’t be troubled in that way any longer, and we’ll just have to live with whatever damage this Reynell woman can cause us. I went to see James this morning, to thank him for bringing you home to us safely, for he vanished before I got a chance last night. We had a long chat. He’s distraught, poor fellow, for he feels it’s all his fault that you were driven out into the snow.”
“It was my own silly fault, not his.”
“If he had not angered you, he thinks you would never have left the house. But we will not quarrel over who was the more at fault, for we are none of us quite blameless in the matter, it seems to me. We agreed, however, that your wishes must be respected and you must on no account be pressed further. On that we are determined. Henceforth, you may decide your own path, whatever makes you happy. I know you’ve never liked the idea of London, so if you don’t want to go, you need not.”
“You mean I could stay here?” she said, brightening. Oh, the joy of not having to face a ballroom full of imperious aristocrats and expose her ineptitude to the world!
“If you like. Madge would stay with you, for propriety. Now, don’t pull that face. You have to have a chaperon, you know. Or you could go back to Sagborough, and squeeze in with Allie and Ted. Or even Aunt Petronella, if you really want. You don’t have to decide at once, puss. Take your time to think it over.”
“I’d like to stay here,” she said instantly. “We’ll soon have better weather and I can walk every day. I’d love that, if Aunt Madge would not be too put out.”
“She’s not much minded for London, either,” he said. “She says she’d feel like a fish out of water, not knowing the ways of these grand London folks, yet she’d feel obliged to go everywhere with you girls. But if you stay here, your mama will only have Rosie and Angie to manage.”
“Who are far better fitted for society than I am,” Julia said with a wry grimace. But then she had an uncomfortable thought. “But what about James? Will he feel… would it…?”
“Upset him if you stay? You’d not see much of each other, unless you go out of your way to bump into him. Only at church, and occasionally when you’re out walking.”
Not see much of him? That didn’t sound like much fun.
“Jules, when I called on him this morning, he was writing a letter to you… to explain a few things, he said. To write the words he can’t say to you. I said I would deliver the letter to you… if you want it.”
He reached into a pocket and pulled out a neatly folded letter, bearing only the words,‘Miss J Fletcher’.
Numbly, she took it from his outstretched hand. “What does it say?”
“I haven’t read it, puss. I should, of course, or your mama should, and James expected me to, but I’d rather not. Whatever he has to say to you, I think it should be for your eyes alone, don’t you?”
Mutely, she nodded.
“Then off you go and find a quiet corner to read it. I’ll be here if you want to talk about it.”
