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“It’s from a Centurions licensing deal. I like the artist. And…” Did Bernard’s cheeks turn red? I had so many questions. “And you get to see what people think of you. It’s like seeing your ‘what if’s’ without having to deal with the results.”
I flipped through the pages. Panel after panel, Sentinel struck heroic poses and hurled lighting at the bad guys. Sentinel always saved the day. It wasn’t much different from reality.
“Dan showed up at the Alley.”
The room flashed as Bernard’s eyes crackled with energy. He blinked, shaking his head until his eyes returned to their soft brown. “Why?”
I started at the beginning. Every subtle detail, from the meal with Theo all the way to Eclipse in the dress shop. The only time he broke his silence was when I revealed Eclipse as the leader of the Nocturnals. “I knew something was off about him. Continue.” I even told him about Stretch and how I wound up in his apartment.
“Well…” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. His lips parted as if he might talk, and then he’d follow it up with a gesture and then froze. It was a lot to process, and in true Bernard fashion, he was for the most efficient way to explain himself. This is why it made total sense for him to be the public relations director for the Centurions.
“How do you feel about it?”
“All that Bernard wisdom, and that’s what you come up with?”
“My opinions don’t really matter, do they? It seems you’re already grappling with outside…” he paused, choosing his words carefully. “Outside influences.”
Eclipse, Dan, even Theo, so many voices pelting my brain. How did I feel about it? Theo hurt me. Dan attacked me, yet again. Eclipse, he just wanted to pick at a wound I thought long healed. The wound, the broken part of me, that was the source, the way each of these men had gotten under my skin.
“I’m scared.” No humor, no avoidance. At the heart of it all, I was scared.
“Of?”
“What if Dan was right? What ifIam the problem? What if—“
“Back it up, mister. That’s about them. This is about you. You need to ignore them for a second and focus on Alejandro.”
He rested a hand on my knee. From anybody else, it’d be dangerously close to the groin and get a rise out of me. However, as Bernard locked eyes with me, I could almost hear his thoughts. He was here. Present. He broke through those insecurities and reminded me I wasn’t alone.
“What if I’m not good enough? Like, what if I don’t deserve a happily ever after? I’ve built this life all about living in the moment. I love it; I really do. But…” I took a steadying breath. I should have known Bernard wouldn’t let me wallow in my pity part. “I want a future I can look forward to.”
“And you saw Theo in that future?”
“You know, I never wanted another relationship after Dan.”
“My offer to kill him still stands.”
I couldn’t tell if he was joking. “Thanks, I think. But your whole hero thing, it might be a conflict of interest.”
“I’ve saved enough lives. I’ve got hero karma. Besides, if a comet accidentally landed on his apartment, what would anybody say?”
It did not convince me he was joking. It was part of why I dragged my tired butt to breakfast every morning.
“Dan made it clear that I’d never be enough for anybody. I thought I’d be jealous of Theo’s relationship with Julian. I mean, it’s weird, right? But they’re a cute couple. With Theo, I didn’t need to be his everything.”
“Do you want more?”
That was the million-dollar question. Did I want a man of my own? Somebody to throw down the label of “mine?” I didn’t need to think about it, not even for a second. No. No, I didn’t want to be somebody’s everything. But I wanted to be somebody’s something.
“I felt ignored.”
“Did you tell him that?”
“I mean…” My face turned red. Had I assumed he possessed telepathy? No, I don’t think so. He knew how I felt about ignoring my life-or-death text. But then he left. Did the two things have nothing in common? Had I—
“I overreacted.”
“You’re scared. This is new. It’s different. It’s weird, maybe wonderful, even. You’re allowed to have all these feelings. But don’t you think he’d want to hear this?”
