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“Everything okay?”
His hand constricted, returning to a normal limb. I didn’t know how to answer that question, not without having a breakdown in his living room.
“I’m a mess.”
“Anything I can do to help?” For a moment, I thought he might be sincere. But as his hand reached for my zipper, I realized he’d say anything right now to get in my pants.
“I’m going to go.”
“But—“
“I’m sorry.”
I had made a terrible mistake. And in true Alejandro fashion, I doubled down and made even more. No, I needed to stop this train wreck before it got out of control. I turned around and headed for the door, zipping my pants as I went. I’m sure Stretch was confused. That made two of us. I’d owe him free drinks for life.
Right now, I didn’t need to push away the pain I inflicted on myself. I needed to embrace it and figure out how I was going to move forward. A distraction wasn't what I needed. I needed a friend.
24
I wiped away the tears.They had started the moment I reached the street outside Stretch’s condo. The taxi driver probably thought I was a hysterical mess. He wouldn’t have been wrong. Forking over a twenty-dollar tip kept him from asking questions.
For the second time tonight, I found myself outside a man’s apartment door. Closing my eyes, I inhaled through my nose. My lungs expanded, filling with scented carpet cleaner. The housekeeping staff did an outstanding job, leaving the common areas of the building immaculate. Exhaling through the mouth, I visualized the tension in my shoulders vanishing. I repeated it several times to make myself presentable. It wouldn’t help the bloodshot eyes, but any victory tonight was worth noting.
I knocked on the door, a soft rap of the knuckles. Waiting for a minute, I checked up and down the hall to make sure I didn’t wake the neighbors. I repeated three soft taps. The deadbolt pulled back, and the door opened to bright light.
“Papi,” I whispered.
Bernard couldn’t respond before I pushed through the door, batting aside his hands. I wrapped my arms around his naked chest and buried my face. No amount of steadying breath prevented the next wave of tears. When his arms pulled me in tight, I lost it. The damn broke and I’m sure I broke into an ugly cry.
“Come inside.”
With one arm, he lifted me as if I weighed nothing. He shut the door and carried me into his living room. Unlike Stretch, there were no attempts to grab at my groin or pull down my zipper. Right now, I needed somebody who’d lie to me and say everything would be okay. Bernard’s chest would be wet in no time, but he made no move to pull away.
“¿Qué pasa, osito?”
Little bear. I didn’t deserve his friendship. Eclipse had it wrong. I wasn’t worried about Bernard turning his back on me. He was a hero, and he’d save anybody who needed it. The problem lay with me. Did I deserve to be saved? Or would I have been better off left beneath that building? My insecurities had steamrolled into questioning my self-worth. I knew better. I should stop. But right now, I fell into this pit and continued tumbling downward, waiting to hit the bottom.
Bernard didn’t make it subtle as he carried me to the living room. Plopping me down on the couch, he took a seat on the ottoman. I hadn’t been in his house for close to a year, but not a single thing was out of place. His artwork remained abstract, his personal items hidden from view. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was renting the apartment. It was one thing for the man to keep his thoughts to himself, but he didn’t want his personality shining in his living space.
“Your taste in decorating is questionable.” Yes, I deflected from the obvious issue. But how do you tell somebody your life is falling apart without it sounding dramatic? Especially when overdramatic was your default state.
“Gracias. I have excellent taste.” Bernard’s Spanish left something to be desired. His accent always sounded as if he were trying to imitate a character from a movie. But he knew the effort made me smile.
“Show me one thing in here that is you?”
“Are you avoiding the obvious?”
“Si.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“One thing. Just one.”
His sectional couch was large enough to entertain a decent-sized party, but he never invited us to his house. He had a long farm-style dining room table with eight chairs, but he didn’t strike me as somebody who had dinner parties. I imagined if I went into his bedroom, it’d be a king-sized bed with his pillows off to one side. This bear was a conundrum. I filed it away for a future discussion.
“If you tell Griffin, I will incinerate you.” He leaned over and opened the drawer at the edge of the couch. Pulling out a book, he dropped it in my lap. “I’ll have Deathwalker bring you back to life, and then I’ll kill you again.”
A book? My eyes widened. Not justanybook. He set a graphic novel on my lap. I recognized the character on the cover, the same bear sitting across from me. “You’re reading a comic about yourself?”
