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Stella put her hand on Alexander’s arm, “I know. Go Alexander. Take care of him.”
I pick up my pace, feeling broken once again. There’s only one place I want to go.
After a quick cab ride, I sit on a familiar bar stool drinking scotch. A few minutes later, my brother comes in and goes to sit on Stella’s bar stool. “Don’t sit there. I don’t care what you do but don’t sit there.”
He sits on the other side of me and orders a whiskey.
“She’s in a fucking hospital bed and she’s still running. I think this is all one sided.”
“It’s not one sided Jamie, she’s so scared.”
“I won’t ever hurt her.”
“But you have. You didn’t mean to, however, you did.”
“I love her. She makes everything okay. She makes me feel alive. Every time she runs I feel like I might die.”
“I know.”
“You know?”
“Scarlet was a runner. She had been through so much with Sullivan. It took a while to get her to just stay. She was like a scared wild animal.”
“That’s how Stella is.”
“I think what Stella has been through is worse, Jamie. Not to minimize what Scarlet has gone through but her own father, and it started at such a young age. She guards herself not to hurt you, but to protect herself. She’s lived a life of pain. I think she’s afraid of finally accepting that her life can be wonderful and then watching it change in the blink of an eye. She’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. She loves you so much, but she’s scared. You walking out on her doesn’t teach her to stay.”
“How can I teach her to stay?”
“By staying. You two really aren’t all that different.”
“What do you mean?”
“Jamie, it’s why you had those meaningless master-sub relationships.”
I glare at him, “What?”
“You could dictate what happened. You had complete control. You don’t have that with Stella. Before you let no one near your heart. She is the same. You both like control in order to protect yourselves.”
“What do I do?”
“You go back to the hospital. Show her what it means to stay and fight. How can you expect her to stay if you don’t?”
“Is she alone now?”
“Scarlet is there with her. Let’s go. I’ll take my wife home.”
I take a deep breath and down my scotch, “Let’s go.”
We took a cab back to the hospital.
We walked into her room, and Stella was still crying. Fuck. I’m not supposed to upset her. Scarlet kissed her on the forehead, “Text me.”
I’m left alone with the mess I made to clean up. I sit down beside her and take her hand, “Baby, please don’t cry.”
“I didn’t think you were coming back?”
“I shouldn’t have left like that. I’ll always come back. Forever and always.”
