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“Stella, what happened to you?”
“It’s no big deal.”
“I think it is. I think it’s why no one is allowed near you. It’s the reason for Fort Stella.”
I laugh, “Fort Stella. That’s what my friends call me.”
“I know.”
“I was abused, Jamie. I don’t think you need details. It was as bad as you can imagine. It made me distrust men. It made me feel like they could only be trusted, for one thing. All men in my life since I was a girl have either abused me or abandoned me. Sometimes both, and yes, that is exactly why I won’t allow any man near my heart. It must be protected. So you can have my body, but you will never have my heart.”
He gasps, “Oh, Stella, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t feel sorry for me. I’m fine.”
Taking my chin, he pulls my face up and kisses me with such passion. It’s as if he wants to kiss my emotional scars away. If only it were so easy. This man terrifies me. He has already gotten closer to me than I’ve let any man get. I need to be very careful. I’m just not sure if I can be.
Pulling away from him I say, “We need to write.”
“Too much kissing?”
“Yes.”
“You enjoy kissing me, yes?”
“Unfortunately.”
I go to get off the bed, and he pulls me down, climbing on top of me. Pulling my bottom lip with his teeth so my mouth opens, his tongue is once again devouring mine.
He pulls back, and looks into my eyes, “Stella, let me in.”
“I can’t.”
“You don’t have to be a fortress. You’re choosing it.”
“I have to.”
“You don’t have to. Damn it, Stella. Let me in.”
“Jamie, I can’t give you more than this. I’m sorry.”
He climbs off the bed and runs his hands through his hair, “Let’s write.”
Pulling on his pants, he walks into the living room. All I can think about is how in the hell are we supposed to write when he doesn’t have a shirt on. Then I smile and realize that I’m not wearing panties. I hope it’s just as difficult for him thinking of me without panties on as it is for me, staring at his perfectly sculpted chest.
We discuss our two main characters, where the story will take place, and how they will meet. We’ve got the beginning down and I can’t handle looking at him any longer. It’s too much. I’ve never wanted a man to have sex with me as much as I do with Jamie. It’s not just sex. I find comfort in him, and that thought scares me.
“I’m going to go.”
“Stella, please don’t.”
“Jamie, what do you want from me?”
“I want you to stay.”
“It’s feeling like you want more than sex.”
Running his hands through his hair, he says, “I don’t know. I don’t know what this is. It’s never been like this with another woman. I want to touch you all the time. I want to be inside you all the time. I can’t get enough of you. I know you feel the same way.”
