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She sighed again.
“My dad molested me for years then raped me repeatedly.”
I lowered my head. It’s worse than I imagined.
“He got me pregnant, and they forced me to have an abortion.” She swallowed. “Then when I got older, he wanted nothing to do with me.”
I want to hold her but feel this might not be the time.
“How sick is it that I missed it? I’m disgusting, Jamie. You don’t want me. Not now anyway.”
“You were a victim. This was not your fault.”
I reached out and stroked her face. She leaned into my touch. Pulling her into my arms, I feel relieved to touch her again. It’s not sexual, it’s so much more than that. I pick her up and carry her to the bedroom, laying her gently on the bed. For the first time since I met Stella, I don’t want to have sex with her. I just want to love her. Laying down on the bed beside her, I pull her into my arms and she doesn’t recoil, doesn’t ask me to leave. She just lets me hold her.
“I’m damaged, Jamie.”
“I know that’s what you think, but it’s not true. Stella, there is nothing wrong with you.”
“I may never be capable of what you want.”
“I’ll wait.”
“I can’t handle you being with other women even though I can’t give you what you want.”
“I don’t want to be with other women, only you.”
“Did you kiss the blonde?”
I sigh, “No, she didn’t even come into my room.”
She smiles, “Good.”
“Can I stay here tonight?”
“There’s a rule, but you seem to break all my rules, anyway.”
“If you prefer I go, I will.”
“Don’t you dare.”
STELLA
I wrapped myself in his arms and inhaled his amazing scent. Everything he says to me is right. I just can’t give in, even though I really want to. I want to be with him completely, however, it’s not something I’m capable of. This is going to end badly. We’ll have sex and he’ll fall in love with me and I’ll end things. Some take longer than others, but it always ends the same. I never set out to hurt anyone, but it always happens. For the first time in my life, I really want more. I’m not good for anyone. I’m only good for one thing. There’s nothing else I have to offer Jamie or any other man. It feels amazing in his arms. When I’m in his arms, it feels healing.
For the next hour I lay watching Jamie sleep. He’s so handsome I can hardly stand it. I can’t control myself and run my tongue along the side of his neck. Whispering in his ear, I say, “Damn you’re sexy.” Without even opening his eyes, he flips me over to my back and grinds his erection into me as his lips collide with mine. He groaned in my mouth and ran his hands along my body. His tongue is hungrily caressing mine. He interlocks his fingers with mine and stares into my eyes. “I can’t get enough of you, Stella.”
My heart is racing. He does something so powerful to me, “Jamie, I need you.”
I know he’s developing feelings for me. I choose to pretend I don’t have a clue.
“What do you want, Stella? Tell me what you want me to do to you.”
My own words still shock me, “Kiss me again.”
He moaned at my words. Bringing his lips to mine, he kisses me slowly, softly, tenderly. His mouth makes everything better. I know I’m in trouble. I should make him go but I can’t. I don’t want to.
“Is that all you want, Stella?”
