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I climb into the ambulance with Stella. Holding her cold hand. The paramedics called her unresponsive.
I hear the two paramedics speaking to each other.
“Call ahead and tell them to have type O blood on hand. If she doesn’t get a transfusion immediately, she will not make it.”
She’s going to die taking our baby with her. How long was she out there? Damn it Stella. You’re always running. What if it hadn’t taken me twenty minutes to find her. I never thought she’d take the stairs to avoid me. She was avoiding me. Running from me. I’ve done nothing but love her. It’s never enough. She gets scared and takes off. I may have held her for the last time. I’m probably never going to kiss her again. I can’t breathe. The tears fell.
“Stella, please don’t leave me. Come back to me. I need you. I can’t be here without you. Stella, you have to wake up.”
The ambulance pulls around to the hospital doors. I jump out so they can get inside without me blocking their way. I follow them in. Alexander is waiting for us. They won’t let me go with her.
“Sir, you cannot go back there. You have to wait in the waiting area.”
Alexander grabbed my arm, “Jamie, you have to let them help Stella. You have to wait. Don’t delay them by fighting them. Do what you have to in order to save her.”
“She’s going to die, anyway. Isn’t she?”
“I don’t know how bad it is.”
“They called ahead for blood. They said if she didn’t get a transfusion immediately she wouldn’t make it.”
I break down, putting my elbows on my knees and my hand in my face, “I just found her.”
“She’ll make it.”
“She was fucking running from me. It took me twenty minutes to find her. Was she on the ground the entire time? It may already be too late.”
“You said she’s pregnant?”
“Yes, we just found out.”
“It might be pregnancy related then.”
”I need a fucking drink.”
“No, you don’t. Jamie, she needs you here. Don’t.”
I get up. It’s my fucking turn to run. I’m not waiting for them to come tell me that my life is over, my fiance’ is dead. I already know that. I’m getting a drink, and another and another.
Alexander grabs my arms, “Sit the fuck down, Jamie.”
I didn’t think about the fact that he was my brother. I simply reacted. I pulled my arm back and punched him in the nose. Blood rushed out. I stared at him momentarily.
“Don’t fucking touch me.”
I left. There was only one bar I could go to. Where I met Stella. Walking into the Glass House, I somehow felt closer to her. I sat on the stool that I sat on the night we met. I kept looking at the stool she was sitting on when I first laid eyes on her. Did I think she’d magically appear? Six scotches later, I wondered why it wasn’t numbing the pain.
The bartender stared at me, “Honey, your phone has been ringing repeatedly.”
I grabbed my phone. It was Alexander. “Hello?” I sounded meaner than I meant to.
“Can you come back? She’s in emergency surgery. You need to be here, Jamie. She needs you.”
“I’m no good for anyone. Besides, she’s going to die. I can’t be there for that.”
“Jamie, she needs you. No matter what happens. Would you really let her die alone? Would she let you die alone? I know you’re hurting, but Jamie, she fucking needs you. You will never forgive yourself if you let her go through this alone.”
Fuck. He’s right. What am I doing? Classic Jamie shit. I fuck up everything I touch. This is no different, “I’m on my way.”
