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That was a nice thought that I’d have to remember.
“You know what’s nice to know?” she asked.
“What’s that?”
“Even behind the rain clouds, the sun is always there.”
“That is a nice thought,” I said. “It’s just sometimes hard to remember.”
She patted my knee. “Trust me, I know. I’m almost ninety, and sometimes I forget, too. Then again, I guess that’s why there’s wine.” She shifted around on the cushion. “So, Jax seems to be drawn to you.”
I puffed out a laugh. “Drawn to me? Not in the least. He actually made it clear that we should keep our distance from each other.”
“Oh, sweetheart”—she waved me off—“Jax didn’t mean that. He’s just hardheaded like my Stanley was. Showing emotions is hard for Jax. He doesn’t come by them all too often, either. I’d been sharing a drink with that boy for many years now, and he still hardly opens up. He acts tough, like a brick wall, but he’s goo, just a big softy. And ever since you’ve come to town, I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”
My stomach filled with nerves. “How does he look at me?”
“As if you’re something he wants to know more about.”
I lowered my head and fiddled with my fingers. “Years ago, he was my best friend. We went to summer camp together for two years, and we wrote letters back and forth to one another for about three years. Then, one day, his letters stopped coming. He just…disappeared.”
Joy’s eyes widened with surprise. “You knew him as a boy?”
“Yes. He was…” I smiled, thinking back on Jax as a kid. “He was the kindest boy I’d ever known. The quietest boy but the kindest.”
“Yes. Those facts haven’t changed over the years. And he knows? That you’re…you?”
“He does, but he told me it would be best if we don’t dive deeper into our history.”
“Oh horseshit,” Joy groaned, making me burst into laughter. “You can’t listen to a dang thing Jax says—you know why?”
“Why is that?”
“His heartbeats are set to self-destruct. He pushes good things away because he doesn’t think he deserves them, but I know that boy—probably better than he knows himself—and he needs a friend. I think he needs you more than he’ll ever admit.”
I shook my head as I took a sip of wine. “I doubt he wants me to be that friend. Plus, like you said, he’s a brick wall. I have no way of getting through to him.”
“Sure you do.” She placed her wine glass down and walked over to her fireplace, where a few candles were sitting. She picked up a lighter and began lighting each one. “You’ve lost someone, no?”
I stood straighter. Even with all the gossiping people, I hadn’t told a soul about my daughter. “I…I’m sorry? What do you mean? How do you…?”
She looked back to me and smiled. “I see it in your eyes, and I see their light around you.”
Chills began spreading over my body as the words left her lips. “I… It…” My mouth grew dry as I tried to form the words, and she shook her head.
“No, no, sweetheart. You don’t have to talk about it if it’s too hard. I get it, but I want you to know you aren’t alone in your loss. If there is anything in this world that unites us all, it’s life and death, day and night. Jax went through a tragedy, too, and since you two have history, I figure perhaps you two can connect on some level again.”
“I don’t think he wants me in his life, not very much at least.”
“I bet he does. Jax’s father is currently reaching the end of his life, too, and I know that’s eating at him even though he won’t talk about it. Now, I’m not telling you this so you’ll force yourself onto him. I just think healing comes with time, patience, and friends, and I believe the two of you could both use a friend right now,” Joy explained.
“How do I get him to want to be my friend? How do I get him to open up to me?”
“Just be you. That’s good enough, I’m sure. If all else fails, push him. Sometimes in life we need to be pushed to be reminded that we can still move.”
I thought back to just a few days earlier, when my panic attack hit me straight on, and I was unable to move forward. There Jax was, pushing me, helping guide me back to my home. If he could help me, I could at least try to do the same for him. What was the worst that could happen?
Joy and I finished our wine and talked about life. She made me laugh when I would’ve otherwise been at home dealing with my own thoughts and sadness. I was so thankful for her kindness. She was one of the first people in town who felt genuinely interested in becoming my friend.
