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I hung up the phone and turned to see an extremely irritated Max Fucking Rider standing behind me. “I’m sorry,” I bellowed.
“You must not understand the opportunity you’ve been given here, Ian. Millions of people would kill to be in this studio, and here you are, wasting everyone’s damn time and everyone’s damn money, all because you had to take a freaking phone call to talk to some girl.”
“It’s not just some girl,” I disagreed. “She’sthegirl, and she needed me.”
Max eyed me up and down. “Come on, man. You’re on the verge of your life changing forever, and you’re risking it all for some romance? Wake up. There are three bandmates of yours waiting inside for you to give this thing the same amount of respect that they all are. You’re the leader of this band, right?”
I grimaced. “Yeah.”
“Then stop acting like a damn child, grow the hell up, and lead them. People aren’t shitting you when they say this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Don’t blow it because of some small-town girl.”
My hands formed fists every time Max talked about Hazel as if she were nothing but a part of my past when I was trying to figure out how to pull her straight into my future. I didn’t argue with him, though, because on the surface of it all, I knew he was right. The Wreckage was being given a chance that millions of people dreamed of, and Eric, James, and Marcus were counting on me to show up and give it my all, the same way they’d been doing.
“Sorry, Max. I swear, I’m committed.”
He narrowed his eyes and stared at me, as if he wasn’t completely convinced, but he allowed it. “All right. Let’s get to work, then.”
He held his hand out toward me.
“What?”
“Don’t play dumb, Ian. Give me your cell phone. You’re cut off during recording days.”
We didn’t get back to our apartment until well after midnight. I was certain Hazel was already asleep. When I received my cell phone from Max, I had a dozen text messages from her. She apologized a few times about getting me in trouble and taking up my time when she’d called earlier. She updated me that her sister was doing a little better, but they were keeping a close eye. And she also gave me a confession.
Hazel:Confession time. I wish you were here. I know that’s selfish, and I know it’s impossible, but I do wish that, Ian. I wish you were here to hold me tonight.
I texted her back and tried to push away the ultimate guilt that sat in my gut about not being there for her.
Ian:It’s late, and I know you’re probably sleeping. At least, I hope you are. But I wanted to say I love you, Hazel. I didn’t want to say that via text message. I wanted to wait until we were eye to eye again and I was holding you in my arms, but it seems that life has a way of keeping you from the places you wish you could be the most. But I need you to know that I love you. I know your world is messy right now, and I wish I could take the hard parts and hold them on my own back. I wish I could hold you. I wish I could kiss you. I wish I could say I love you against your skin and wipe your worries away. For now, all I have are these messages. I love you, Hazel Stone. And everything is going to be okay.
When I hit send, I was surprised when I heard my phone start ringing. Hazel’s name flashed across the screen, and I answered right away.
“You should be sleeping,” I told her, falling against my own bed.
“You should be too,” she argued. “But after reading your message, I knew I had to talk to you. I had to hear you say it to me ... maybe not in person, but I needed to hear it from your lips. So please ...”
She sounded so exhausted. As if she were already sleeping and speaking to me only in a dream state.
“I love you,” I whispered. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”
Her sighs were so gentle against the receiver, but my phone was pressed tightly against my ear as she replied to me, saying the words I’d hoped she would come to feel. “I love you too.”
“Why do you sound so sad about it?”
“Because I’ve lived life long enough to know that sometimes love isn’t enough. This is why I didn’t want to start this to begin with. This is why I was so afraid to even cross that line with you. Your life is moving so fast, Ian, and it’s all amazing things that are happening to you and the guys. You’ve worked so hard to get to where you are right now, and there’s so much more coming. Everything is moving at warp speed, and I’m so happy for you, but I’m not in that world. Right now, my life feels as if it’s moving backward, not forward. If anything, I’m frozen in time. We’re on different timelines, and I don’t want you to try to slow yours down to let me in.”
I shifted in my bed. “You’re overwhelmed and tired.”
“Did you get in trouble for talking to me today?” she asked.
“Haze ...”
She took a breath. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m tired. It’s been a long day, and I should get some sleep.”
“Yeah, okay. I’ll call you in the morning.”
“It’s okay,” she said. “You don’t have to.”
