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“I’ll call you in the morning,” I repeated. “I love you.”
She released an exhalation. “I love you too.”
It wasn’t until that moment that I knew loving someone could feel so sad.
26
HAZEL
“I want her,” I sternly said to Big Paw and Holly as I paced back and forth in the waiting room of the hospital. It was our third day there, and my sister was making a powerful recovery from all the trauma she’d gone through.
Ian’s grandparents sat down in the metal hospital chairs with their hands clasped together and grimaces on their faces.
“It’s not that easy, Hazel,” Holly said, shaking her head. “There are rules and procedures ...”
“Screw the rules and procedures. I want her. I want my sister. I can take care of her; I know I can. So do what you did for my mother all those years ago and for other foster kids. Or at least help me be able to take her in. I’ll handle it all, I swear.”
“It’s not that easy,” Big Paw said, repeating Holly’s words, and that enraged me.
“Yes, it is.”
“This situation is different. This is a newborn baby, Hazel. A child that the mother wants to give up ...”
“She wouldn’t if she knew I wanted her. She would want to keep us together. She wouldn’t want to split up her girls.”
“Hazel—” Holly started, but I cut her off.
“No.” I stood tall and wrapped my arms around my body. “No. You promised. You swore that everything would be okay and that things would work out, so there has to be a way. There has to be some way to get that baby girl to stay with me. She’s the only family I have. I can pay you for your help with getting in contact with the right people.”
“You know damn well this ain’t a situation about money, little girl,” Big Paw barked, as if bothered to his core that I would assume such a thing. But how could I help it? My mind was spinning, and despair was swallowing me whole.
“Then what is it?” I cried out.
“It’syou,” he shot back, gesturing toward me. He stood from the chair, and then he was the one pacing. “It’s you and your future, Hazel. You have the whole world right there in front of you.” He snapped his fingers. “It’s right there in front of you, and I refuse to let you throw that away. You’ve worked so damn hard to not end up with a life like this. Raising a child while you’re still one yourself. You’ve spent your life caring for others, for your mother. You’ve never had a chance to be a kid all on your own. So I refuse to do this. I refuse to take away the small shot you have at a life so you can take care of another. I’ve seen what happens when someone so young is forced to raise a child before they are ready. I’ve seen my own daughter fall apart and crumble, ruining any shot she had at a future. And I forbid for that to be your story. I forbid you to toss away your shot at a future.” He had tears in his eyes, and his words cracked as they fell from his mouth.
I’d never seen Big Paw so emotional, and I knew the words he spoke came from the deepest part of his soul.
He sniffled a bit, and I stood there, stunned, as I looked on the giant who’d worked so hard to stay strong.
“Big Paw ...,” I softly said, shaking my head. “With all due respect, I’m not your daughter. I wouldn’t fall into the role of parenthood and run from it. I wouldn’t abandon you or my sister. I would be here completely committed to this. I know that me finding my way is important, and I’ll work toward that—I swear. But there’s one thing I’ve always wanted.”
“And what’s that?”
“A family.”
Holly frowned. “But sweetheart, you’re so young.”
“By age, not experience. Please, you two. Just help me figure this out somehow. Help me at least see if this is a possibility. Otherwise, I’ll spend the rest of my life thinking about how I didn’t do everything in my power to keep the small bit of family I had left.”
They were quiet for some time, shooting glances back and forth. The two of them had such a powerful way of communicating with one another without using any words. Big Paw tapped a fist against his lips, and Holly rubbed her palm against her cheek.
“I won’t make any promises,” Big Paw grumbled, finally turning back to me. “I’ve never gone through anything like this, and I know there will be a lot of hoops that we’ll have to jump through.”
“That’s fine,” I eagerly replied, swallowing up the slim idea that Big Paw was on board with trying to get the baby into my custody. I’d do anything to make it happen. I’d leap over every hurdle and through every hoop if it meant I’d have a shot at raising my sister.
“And you still have to look into college, because no matter what, you are getting a degree down the line.”
“I can do online classes,” I swore. “I’ll do whatever it takes. I swear, Big Paw.”
