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I wish for her healing.
There had to be hundreds of wishes he’d made, scattered around the room. Hundreds of tiny Post-Its with his words that went straight to my heart.
“Well, good morning, sunshine,” a nurse said, walking into the room. “I see you saw your love letters awaiting you. That boy showing up every day must really love you a lot.”
I shook my head. “No. Damian is just a friend.”
“Oh, no. I don’t mean him. I mean Connor. The guy who’s been sitting outside in the lobby every single day. The staff are calling him the modern-day Romeo. He said he knew you probably wouldn’t want to see him, but he’s waited outside the whole time. Then, when you’d fall asleep at night, he’d come in and quietly sit with you. Really sweet if you ask me.”
Her words stunned me. He’d been there every day? It had been over twenty-five days of me being in the hospital. How could he possibly wait that long without me giving him any signs that I’d give him another chance?
When it came time for me to be wheeled to surgery, the nurses told me that I had a crew waiting to wave me off down the hallway. As I turned to wave toward Damian, my damaged heart started beating faster as I looked down and saw the bluest of blue eyes staring back at me. He stayed.
Who knew that even broken hearts could still beat for love?
“I love you,” I mouthed, staring straight into his eyes. I had to say the words. I had to let him know that no matter what, I loved him. Because outside of all of the bullshit, outside of our human dramatics, I knew it to be true that he was the lights for me. He was the eastern lights that shone over me for a short period of time, in such a vibrant way reminding me that I wasn’t alone. He was the light that touched my darkness, and for that, he’d be awarded a forever kind of love.
I said a prayer before the surgery. I didn’t know to who. To God, to the universe, to aliens. I said a prayer to whatever it was that was out there, knowing that all I needed to do was stay a little longer for Connor. So we could fight. So we could scream. So we could make up. So we could fall deeper into whatever it was that we were on the tip of discovering.
Tears found me as Connor parted his mouth and whispered, “I love you, more.”
44
Aaliyah
Pump,pump.
Pump, pump.
Pump, pump…
My chest rose and fell.
I felt them. I felt the heartbeats. Heartbeats that were mine, but not exactly mine.
Borrowed time. A promise for another tomorrow. A blessing I wasn’t certain I deserved, but I knew I’d never take it for granted.
Thank you, William.
The transplant went extremely well, and I was stunned at how little pain I felt afterward.
I had to stay in the hospital for a few weeks after, but soon enough, I was released and able to go back to my apartment. Damian checked in on me every single day. Everything was going well with recovery, but even though I had a new heart, and it was beating, it didn’t take away the sadness that sat inside me. There was still so much trauma I had to work through outside of recovery—Marie, for instance.
Plus, I’d missed Connor, yet I knew it wasn’t time for me to reach out to him just yet. I needed to fully recover, to know that I was going to be okay before I could show up to him and tell him all of my feelings.
So, when my doorbell rang, and I saw it was him standing downstairs with a bouquet, I was quite surprised. I headed downstairs and opened the door for him.
“Hi,” I said, crossing my arms across my body as the chilled autumn air pushed past me.
“Hi,” he replied, his voice low. “I know you probably don’t want to see me right now, and I get that, Aaliyah, but I needed to see you. I need to see that you’re doing okay, that you’re healing…that you’re here. So, I’m sorry, but I needed to stop by.”
“It’s okay.”
He frowned. “It’s not. None of what happened between us is okay. I made a million mistakes. I knew nothing about love, nothing of heartbreak, nothing, Aaliyah. I knew nothing about love until I met you. You deserve everything, and I never want you to be unhappy because of me. But…I just want to say this.”
“Connor…”
“Please, Aaliyah. I’ll leave you alone after this, I swear, but I need you to know my truth.”
