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My eyes fell to the ground for a moment before I looked back up to him and nodded, giving him permission to continue.
“You changed me. You awakened parts of my soul that I didn’t know were sleeping. I realized that it’s not love or commitment that I’m afraid of. I’m afraid of death. I’m afraid of losing the things that I care about more than anything. I spent most of my childhood paranoid about waking up one morning and finding my mother dead. To this day, I struggle with the fact that the cancer might come back and be more intense than ever before. I’m fucking terrified of losing her, losing you.
“I’m scared of the unknown. I’m scared of going back to living in that place where I witness the people I love hurting, and I cannot do anything to take that pain away. I’m scared, Lia…I’m scared.”
“I understand all of that, truly. But even with my transplant, there’s a chance my body could reject the heart. There’s still so much unknown about how my life will go, and I can’t take away your fear, Connor.”
“I’m not asking you to do that. I’m asking you to allow me to be afraid but still let me stay. Because the idea of not having you in my life at all is scarier than any what-if. Do I want to grow old with you? Yes. Do I want to count all of your gray hairs and mock you about it years from now? Absolutely. Do I want to fall in love with all of your wrinkles? One hundred percent. But if all I get is here and now, I want it, Red. I want this, you and me, at this very moment. I want every moment that God will give me to be yours.
“So, this is me asking, begging for you to give me another shot. I won’t be perfect, but I won’t run. Even when I’m scared, I’ll stay. Even when I feel like the world is slipping away, I’ll stay. If I had to live forever, I’d like to live forever with you. But if I’d only had today, I’d like to sit on top of a rooftop and stare out at the eastern lights with you. It doesn’t matter how many days, weeks, or years we have, I’m in. Be it today or forever, I only want you.”
I bit my bottom lip, my nerves shook from his words. “Do you want to see my new place?”
Confusion flashed over his face, but he didn’t turn down the invitation. I walked him upstairs, and when I opened the door, his eyes lit up when he looked around the place. There were hundreds of Post-it Notes that I’d been filling out over the past few weeks because I was hoping for this very moment. I was hoping for the day he’d come back to me.
I grabbed a Post-it and held it out to him.
I wish for Connor to come back to me.
“See?” I whispered, moving in closer to him. I closed my eyes as he wrapped his arms around me and rested his forehead against mine. “I wished for you, too.”
In life, we weren’t guaranteed forever. We were promised only now. So, I made it a point to live in the moment, in the now, because there was nothing else. There was no yesterday, there was no tomorrow, only that moment. If I only had one hour, one minute, one second, I was going to make it count. I was going to spend the remainder of my time sitting in love, with him, with us, with our flashes of love.
45
Connor
I’d spentevery moment at Aaliyah’s apartment since she’d invited me back into her life. I promised myself, and her, that I’d never take our love for granted. That I’d be there day and night, no matter how scared I’d became. And truthfully? I was still terrified, but I was learning quickly that being scared was okay if you were brave enough to face those fears.
Each day, Aaliyah reminded me why I was facing my fears. I tackled them for her smile. For her laugh. For her love. If I was able to love her, then nothing would scare me away ever again.
“Go to work.” Aaliyah smirked as she pressed her lips against me forehead. My head had been resting against her chest gently, avoiding her incisions. Each morning, I loved to listen to her heartbeats. Each night, I did the same.
“But I like it here more,” I muttered, snuggling up against her.
“That’s the fifth time Damian had called you,” she said, pushing herself up to a sitting position. She cringed a little, and I became more alert. She was still a bit sore from surgery, but she was a trooper. I worried more than she did. I didn’t see that changing any time soon. Maybe that was what love was, sometimes—worrying about the things you loved the most.
I groaned.
She laughed and kissed my lips. “You are going to have to get back to reality at some point, Connor. You can’t stay here with me all the time.”
“Says who?”
“Says me. You have a dream to go catch.”
“I’ve already caught her,” I said, pulling her into me so now she was sitting in my lap.
“Don’t be corny,” she snickered, trailing kisses down my chin. “I mean it. You have a whole company to run. Go get showered and get to work. I’ll be here when you come home.”
Home.
The place wherever she had been.
I reluctantly listened to her demands and pulled myself together to head to my office. Damian was quick to chew my ass out for not being around, but a big part of me knew he understood.
“Listen, I know you just got all happy and shit, which, congratulations by the way, I’m glad you both pulled your heads out of your asses, but I couldn’t keep this to myself much longer,” Damian said, dropping a packet on my desk.
Instant unease hit me. The last time he dropped a packet on my desk, it told me that Marie was Aaliyah’s mother, and well, needless to say, Aaliyah was still processing through that disaster.
