AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Do you want to love this child, or would you rather have money?” she asked straightforward. She pulled out a checkbook. “Because if it’s money, I don’t want you to be in our child’s life. If you’re just looking for a quick way to get money, I don’t want that for this baby. So you can either be a part of our lives and be a father…or I can write you a check.”
“Stella,” I warned.
She held up a silencing hand.
Jeff raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, I’ll pay you to leave us alone. How much do you want?”
He lowered his brows. “Are you serious?”
“Yes, but you’ll have to sign a contract, giving up the rights to raise the child. You won’t be in their life,” Stella told him.
“Half a million,” he said without thought.
I saw the color drain a bit from Stella’s face as the realization settled in that Jeff was nothing more than scum.
I think her gentle heart had hoped for a different answer and a little bit of her light faded at that very moment. I hated that. I hated that her gentle heart was beginning to harden to the world.Don’t become like me, Stella. Stay forever you.
She blinked a few times then began scribbling down the check. “I’ll give you half now and then half when the contract is signed.” She ripped the check out and held it toward Jeff.
He took it without a moment’s thought and scurried away like the rat he was.
As his car drove off, I turned toward Stella.
“Are you okay?” I asked. “Are you sure this is what you want to do?”
“I overheard you both talking,” she said with a smile that sadly looked more like a frown. “You were right. Every child deserves a father. Not every father deserves a child.”
I took her hands in mine and pulled her closer to me. My forehead rested against hers. “Don’t let this harden you,” I whispered. “Don’t let people like Jeff harden your heart.”
“How could my heart harden when it’s surrounded by you?”
I heard her words but felt a slight bit of coldness. I knew what it felt like when a heart began to close. I kissed her forehead.Stay with me, Stella.“Do you want to go to the ocean with me?”
She shook her head and placed her hands against her stomach. “No. I’m not feeling too well. I’m going to go to bed for a while.”
That was the first night in the past months of knowing Stella that she didn’t step into the ocean. I hadn’t a clue why that brought me so much unease.
33
Stella
Damian didn’t know it,but it happened—my dam broke.
I’d been feeling heightened anxiety for the past few weeks.
Every pregnancy before this one started with the same type of fear: the possibility of losing the baby. What was even worse was this time, I didn’t feel right. It was almost as if I could feel my soul warning me of something awful that was on its way.
For the past week, I felt a new level of anxiety that I couldn’t really uncover. I hadn’t gone to the water, and I didn’t even know why. Each morning I woke up feeling on the verge of tears, and each night I struggled to fall asleep.
I stopped going to the ocean because every time I’d feel the waves hit my feet, an odd sadness fell against me. As if Mama’s love was so far away. Each wave felt more disconnected. Maybe it was me, maybe it was my mind. Either way, the calmness the water used to give to me was filled with more worry.
Damian could tell something was off, but he didn’t know how to approach it. I didn’t blame him because I wasn’t even certain how I wanted to be approached. At first, I thought it was the idea of Jeff not being in the baby’s life, but that wasn’t it. Secretly, I felt a sense of relief from that fact.
I couldn’t stop thinking about Mama and Kevin for the past few days. I felt as if a cloud of darkness was over me, and I wasn’t certain exactly what it meant. But I knew something was wrong.
“Slow down your mind, baby girl,” Grams told me, giving me a neck massage as I sat at her dining room table.
