AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“No, it’s not. This isn’t you.”
“It is me.”
“No, it’s not. Who’s in your head?” My chest tightened from the question. “Are you still mad at me for telling your parents?”
“No. I’m not upset about that at all. I was, but I get it. If it was the other way around, I would’ve done the same.”
“Then what is it? What people are getting in your head, Hails?”
My lips parted, but no words came out. How did I tell him? How did I inform him that the person getting to me, the whisperings in my ear, were from his father? I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t speak that truth. Even though I wanted to say it. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, and my fears, though warranted, were not my own.
“Aiden, it’s no one else,” I lied.
He blinked, and his eyes were packed with tears. He took my hands in his, and I wished he hadn’t because whenever he touched me, I felt as if I was stepping into forever. But I couldn’t have forever. I couldn’t have him.
I pulled my hands from him, and that motion cut him deep. “I’m breaking up with you, Aiden. I’m sorry. We both have our own things we are dealing with. I can’t be with you as I work on myself, and you have to work on yourself and your career.”
“Come on, Hailee! Fuck the career!” he shouted. I knew it would shift. From sadness to confusion to anger. I knew Aiden would go through an array of emotions. I planned for it. Yet behind each emotion, it was clear that they all developed from the same expression: heartbreak.
I was breaking his heart.
The heart I promised to take care of for the rest of my life.
“You can’t do this right now. You can’t push me away when we just got to this new place. You promised if we took the risk, you promised if we decided to be a ‘we’ that you would not run away when things got hard. You promised no matter how much our lives changed, we would not. You promised me we would stay the same. You promised you wouldn’t break my heart. You promised!” he hollered. His voice cracked as he spoke to me. I felt his pain in every single syllable that left his mouth.
“Aiden, I know I made those promises, but things have changed. I mean, look at my life. Look at the struggles I’ve dealt with over these past few weeks, over these past few months. My life is currently a mess, and I refuse to let it interrupt yours. You’re going to change the world. You’ll create films with meaning and heart, and I’ll still be your biggest fan. But I can’t... I mean, I can’t...”
“Love me.” He released the harsh breath and rolled his shoulders back as the anger began to subside and realization set in. A new sadness washed over the space. It was a type of sadness I’d never experienced before. The kind that made your own blood feel chilled as your whole body began to tremble. “You can’t love me.”
I didn’t know what to say because those words were a lie. There were only a few things I knew how to do in life. I knew how to read books for hours. I knew how to bake pastries. And I knew how to love Aiden Walters. Loving Aiden came as easily as taking a breath each morning. The love I had for him was one of the only constant things in my life.
“We will still be best friends?” I promised him. As it left my mouth, it came out as more of a question. As if I doubted that was even a possibility. I doubted everything lately. I doubted my own mind and my own thoughts and my own feelings because my world had been turned upside down so quickly that I hadn’t had a chance to even catch up.
“No. You don’t get to say that. You can’t be my best friend after breaking my heart. You have to either love me or let me go. This in-between bullshit isn’t going to work, Hailee. So if you can’t be with me, you can’t be my friend either. So say it. Say we aren’t best friends anymore, that we aren’t together anymore so I can get it through my thick head and move on.”
Our worlds that once collided as one were beginning to separate. We were moving in two different directions, and it was time for me to cut our cord. To sever our connection. He had to get on the plane tomorrow without a drop of hope that we could be us again. He had to believe that we were finished so he could truly start his life.
“For fuck’s sake, say it, Hailee!” he shouted, making me jump in fright. “And don’t be a wimp about it. If you want to break my heart, look me in the eyes when you do it. Don’t half-ass this. If this is what you want, what you really want, then say it with your fucking chest.”
I shook off my nerves the best I could and stood tall. I rolled my shoulders back and said the words that would break his heart. They’d break mine even more. I told the biggest lie I’d ever told as I looked deep into his eyes. “I don’t want to be your best friend anymore, Aiden.”
The flash in his eyes at the sternness of my words shattered me. I saw his hurt, yet it was my soul that ached. That was how connected we were, how connected we’d always been. When I was sad, he felt it. When he was broken, I collapsed, too.
His mouth parted to speak, but he paused. He then wrapped his hands around his Jerry necklace and ripped it off. He dropped it to the floor and looked me dead in my eyes. For the first time in our whole lives of knowing one another, his blues looked hollow. As if any emotion he had attached to me vanished in an instant. His cool blue eyes were now cold as he parted his lips and said, “Fuck you, Hailee Jones. I never want to speak to you again.”
20
Aiden
I goton the stupid flight.
“Are you okay?” Mom asked as she sat beside me on the airplane.
My hand gripped the armrest, and I’d been tapping my foot nonstop. I didn’t feel like talking to her. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone. But I did feel.
I felt so much that I felt as if my heart was going to explode from my chest and crumble into a million pieces. I felt rage. I felt sadness. I felt loneliness. I felt betrayed. Then I felt her.
I didn’t know how, but I still felt Hailee within my chest.
