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He’s talking loud enough for everyone in the room to hear him clearly and the menacing, dark tone with which he’s speaking is so full of hate, my stomach twists into a tight knot of fear.
“All right, break it up,” a guard with grey whiskers for hair and a protruding belly says as he suddenly appears behind Jax. “The visit is over.”
He grabs one of Jax's arms and the shorter, younger guard beside him grabs the other.
“You cheated death once, Hunter,” he says darkly while they lead him away. “You won’t the next time I see you.”
Once he’s out of the room, I finally let out the breath I’ve been holding.
“Let’s go,” Hunter says and then I’m following him out of the room without actually feeling my feet hit the floor.
I don’t know how much of all that just happened was real, how much make-believe and how much just my wishful thinking. But I do know Jax was saying goodbye. Once again. This time forever. He’s getting out in a year, he could’ve asked me to wait, he could’ve told me he’s sorry and that he’s coming back soon. But he didn’t. He did say I shouldn’t have come and that I should leave now. And that he didn’t mean it.
But he left a large chunk of that unsaid. And if he wanted me to know what he actually meant, he’d say it. He slipped other things between his grand show of chasing us away and threatening Hunter’s life. But he didn’t.
So much for gluing things back together. That’ll never happen. What Jax and I had is broken beyond repair. That should’ve been clear to me before coming here. And it was. I suppose I just needed the final confirmation.
“We shouldn’t have come,” Hunter says once we’re in the parking lot again, echoing my thoughts exactly.
“No, it’s good that we did,” I say. “It gave Jax a chance to break up with us and Devil’s Nightmare MC publicly.”
“I just hope that’s enough to keep him safe,” he says, fiddling with his phone like he’s trying to decide who to call. Or whether to call at all.
“The less he has to do with us now, the better,” I say, meaning the MC and not just me.
Hunter nods, pockets his phone again and tells me everything’s going to work out.
It will, just not for me and Jax. I know that now. That’s another thing this visit turned out to be good for. It showed me that.
* * *
Jax
I wasn’t ready for seeing Harper again. But there she was, wearing one of those flowing button down dresses of hers—red roses against a black background—trailing down her perfect curves in all the ways I wish my hands could.
Her soft, dark flame hair is even longer than it was, and looked even softer and wavier than I remember. And her eyes, blue like deep ocean with flecks of gold twirling and pulling me in like a whirlwind does with everything that gets in its path. Me, without fail, every time.
I didn’t really know what was happening until I traversed the room to sit across from her and get as close as I could without actually grabbing and kissing her like there’s no tomorrow. For us, there isn’t. Not really. I knew that. Just as I knew that acting on that urge would’ve cut the visit short right then and there, and that guard Smith would like nothing more than to drag me away from her.
In hindsight, I should’ve just done that, because the visit was wasted anyway, as Hunter rightly figured out about three minutes in. I wish he’d done that before coming in the first place. And dragging Harper with him.
I couldn’t stand seeing the hope that flared in her eyes when she saw me. It was even worse than the cold sadness when she realized nothing had changed.
At least all that bleach damage to my nose made it impossible to sense that sweet, fresh early morning scent that always clings to her skin. One good thing to come out of that, I guess. Not that the memory of it wasn’t driving me insane then, and still is now.
But there’s still no future for us.
She doesn’t need an ex-con weighting her down even if I do manage to get out of this place.
My little performance of chasing them away and threatening Hunter probably bought me the ability to stay friends with the Renegades and continue enjoying their protection. It would’ve worked better if I hadn’t sat there chatting with them for ten minutes before blowing up, but there was no way I wasn’t gonna say a proper hello to Harper after not seeing her for months. Or telling Hunter I’m glad he’s not dead. But that’s fine, the Renegades are all dumb as shit.
And if the performance didn’t work, I’d actually welcome a fight or five after today.
It’s hard gazing into the gold-kissed deep blue eyes of the woman you love and knowing that’s as close as you’ll ever get to her. Devastating actually.
To avoid those fights, I’ve stayed in my cell for the rest of the afternoon. Rain’s been falling so hard outside all afternoon that I can hear it even through all the concrete surrounding me. My back and legs are all cramped up from lying down on my bunk, staring at the low, rough ceiling, but seeing nothing but Harper.
Harper in her flowing, flowery dress which flared out to brush my thighs whenever we rode. What I wouldn’t give for just one more of those rides. I’d give my right arm.
