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Aria made her way to the armchair, and once she was seated, Gareth sat down on the couch opposite. She perched on the edge of the armchair, hands clasped in her lap. She didn’t relax back into its comfortable cushions like she usually did when she and Janessa spent time there chatting.
Gareth sat with his head bent for a moment before he looked at her. His gaze wasn’t hard or angry like it had been the last time they’d talked, and hope tried to bloom inside her. Was he not mad at her anymore?
Her nerves morphed into a complex mix of anxious and calm, which shouldn’t have been possible. She’d never experienced anything like it before. While her anxiety never completely went away, the calm mixing with it was new, and possibly came from having already accepted the inevitable.
“I want to apologize to you.”
Aria stared at him, her eyes going wide in shock. “Apologize?”
At the most, she’d thought he had come to accept her apology. Essentially closing the chapter of their relationship before she left. But for him to apologize? She didn’t know what that meant.
“I owe you an apology,” Gareth said, his voice low. “I reacted badly when I found out what had happened.”
“I understood why you were angry,” Aria said. “I didn’t blame you for that.”
Gareth shrugged. “Maybe I had a right to be angry at first, but I shouldn’t have let my anger take control of me the way I did. And when you came to apologize, I should have forgiven you right away.”
Aria didn’t know what to say to that. She wondered if she was actually dreaming because him accepting her apology had been a fervent hope that she’d come to accept would never be realized.
Apparently, he didn’t need her to say anything because he kept talking. “When Jay told me you were leaving, the news was kind of like a smack to the head, knocking some sense into me. I was forced to take a hard look at myself and what I was feeling.”
Aria wasn’t sure what to do with that revelation. In her mind, she was responsible for everything that had developed over the past couple of weeks. If she’d only been honest about what had gone on in Sacramento, none of what followed would have happened. She might not have ended up getting the job, but at least she wouldn’t have hurt Janessa, Gareth, and their family.
“I’ve learned some not-so-great things about myself,” Gareth said with a sigh.
Aria knew that no one was perfect, but she’d thought that Gareth seemed pretty close. Janessa had told her about Gareth’s tendency to hold a grudge when he got mad. She’d now seen proof of that herself, but she’d also felt like Gareth had a right to his anger. “I don’t understand.”
“I thought I was hurt because you hadn’t trusted me,” Gareth said. “But while that might have been a part of it, a large part was that my pride was hurt. I didn’t understand how you couldn’t trust me. I believed myself to be a trustworthy person, so it hurt my pride and made me angry that you hadn’t seen that about me.”
“It wasn’t that you weren’t trustworthy,” Aria explained. “I was just so ashamed and embarrassed by what I’d done.” She hugged herself, hunching her shoulders. “I didn’t want you to know that I’d made such bad decisions. I didn’t want Janessa to know that I wasn’t coping well.”
“I wouldn’t have thought less of you,” Gareth said. “Honestly, in discovering my own weaknesses, I’ve seen your strengths.”
“What does that mean?”
Aria’s face flushed as he explained what he saw in her. It almost sounded like he admired her, which Aria couldn’t believe. Nothing he said changed how she viewed herself and what she’d done.
“I’m not strong,” she told him. “I have anxiety so much of the time.”
She’d tried her best to hide her struggle with anxiety from him when they’d been dating. But now, since she was leaving, it didn’t matter if he knew.
“I suspected as much.” Gareth leaned forward, his expression serious as he regarded her. “But having anxiety doesn’t mean you’re not strong. Anxious or not, you didn’t give up on life after your mom passed away. You kept putting one foot in front of the other.”
“I made some terrible decisions.”
“You make it sound like you’re the only one who’s ever done that,” Gareth said. “You’ve acknowledged what you did. You haven’t made excuses for it.”
But what good had that done? She was still going to leave Serenity. Sure, it would be nice to leave knowing that Gareth didn’t think the worst of her anymore. She wished that their conversation was giving her a sense of closure, but all she felt was even more regret.
“Well, thank you for forgiving me,” Aria said. “It will make leaving a little easier.”
Gareth straightened, bracing his hands on his knees. “Why would you still leave? I mean, unless you really want to.”
Pain squeezed her heart. Didn’t he understand how hard it would be for her to stay around and have to watch him date other women? Clearly, he wasn’t worried about her dating other men. It just reinforced her assumption that her feelings had run deeper than his.
“I think that I… need to leave.”
“Oh.” Gareth’s shoulders slumped, and his gaze dropped.
