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“You know what?” Asa started, looking at me before glancing back up. “I don’t think she should be alone. You should join her to monitor. I want to check out the weight room, so I’ll grab one later.”
Cohen swallowed, watching me. Smiling over at Asa, I squeezed his hand, knowing he’d seen the same emotions I had and was giving me this time with Cohen to make sure he was okay. Climbing out from under the covers, I crawled over to Cohen. His face lit up at the gesture. I forgot that his confidence was a mask for his insecurities. I leaped, falling into his arms, taking a chance to see him smile.
He stood up, swinging me around with his momentum. Laughing, I held on as he carried me to the bathroom. I peeked over his shoulder, finding Milo watching me from the small kitchen area. I waved, offering him a small smile. He seemed to relax at the gesture, and I decided if I was going to make this work, I needed to spend some one-on-one time with him too.
Cohen sat me on the counter as he shut the door and turned on the light and fan. He set about getting the water ready before turning and looking at me. “I’ll just sit out here in case you need me.”
His cheeks were red, and I couldn’t fathom what was embarrassing him. “You’re not suddenly being shy, are you, Co-bear?” I batted my eyelashes at him, reaching for his hand.
“Co-bear?” He laughed, coming toward me, keeping his head down.
“Yeah. It’s like Care Bear, but Co because you’re Cohen. It’s dumb. I’ll find another nickname for you.”
“No, I like it.” He peered up finally, his hands moving to bracket my face. He sat his forehead against mine, closing his eyes as he breathed me in for a minute. “I was so scared I’d lost you, Fin. Everything happened so fast, and then you were on the ground. I’m so sorry that happened. I had no idea that Ryker was Blackhawk.”
“It sounds like there’s a story there. Let’s get in the water before it runs cold, and you can tell me about it.”
He gulped, his eyes opening. “You want me to join you?”
“Yeah.” I smiled, pushing back as I lifted the shirt I was wearing over my head. His eyes dropped to my breasts, and he stepped back, quickly removing his clothes. I hopped down from the counter and slipped my panties off. I couldn’t help but take in every inch of Cohen as he discarded the last of his clothes.
His cock was already jutting out as he eyed me. Taking his hand, I stepped into the shower, realizing how small it was when we were both there. Laughing, I stepped under the water as I took in all the ways his muscles dipped. I spotted a few tattoos, and I couldn’t wait to check them out more. Our first time together had been so spur of the moment that I hadn’t been able to fully appreciate the gorgeous specimen that he was.
“You’re hot, Co-bear.” I couldn’t be sure under the water, but I could’ve sworn that his cheeks heated more. “Hand me the shampoo.”
“Let me wash your hair?”
Smiling, I nodded and turned around. Softly, he began to massage the shampoo into my hair, taking care of each strand. I wasn’t surprised when he started to talk. Cohen seemed to be the type that needed to be doing something when he shared deep things.
“Seeing Ryker was a shock to me yesterday. I hadn’t seen him face to face in a few years. In fact, I’d actively been avoiding running into him. It seemed to work, as he didn’t seek me out either. Which, of course, relieved and infuriated me at the same time.” He made a noise that sounded like he was letting out a breath as he turned my head, massaging different parts.
“Ryker was the first guy I felt anything more than just a passing fancy toward. We went through training together when we were of age and instantly hit it off as friends. We were inseparable there in the beginning. We did a few missions together and worked on projects. My sexuality had always been a bit of a mystery to me. I’d experimented with both guys and girls, but nothing ever felt right. Then I met you, and it felt like my heart was on fire, so I assumed I was hetero. The label didn’t feel right though, but I couldn’t deny how you made me feel. So when I started to feel attracted to him, it took me by surprise. I tried to deny it because I didn’t know what that would mean. One night, he made the first move when we were hanging out by kissing me.”
He paused, dipping my head under the water before turning me, his eyes snagging mine with heat, but there was more there than just lust. Cohen held so much emotion in his eyes that it made me reach out to him, wanting to protect him from whatever he was about to share. He didn’t stop me but grabbed the washcloth and began to soap it up. He started to wash me in soothing gestures before he spoke again.
“In my gut, I knew it was just a fling for him. He had a reputation, after all, but I thought I was different. It was both the best and worst relationship of my life. When it ended, I took a leave of absence and did some freelance jobs. When The Order reached out to me, I said I wasn’t ready to return to the facility. They brokered an agreement that I didn’t need to return, except once a year for annual training and a physical. I was also told I had a new handler and that they would communicate only through text or email. I wouldn’t need to meet or do any check-ins. It felt like the best way forward, so I accepted.”
He’d carefully washed me from head to toe while he spoke. He grabbed some conditioner off the shelf and held it out for me, asking if I wanted it. I nodded, and he turned me back, putting it in my hair.
“Since then, I haven’t kept a serious relationship, my heart too battered to try again. I kept flirting with you online, which was enough for a while, but I wanted more. That night, I was going to ask you, finally having the guts to do it, only to find out you’d been kidnapped and had a boyfriend. But then the crazy thing of belonging with that group happened. Sawyer’s relationship intrigued me, and I began to feel part of me coming back alive again. At first, I thought about stealing you from Asa, but he turned out to be a great guy. Then it felt like there might be a possibility for me, but I wasn’t sure how to get it. I’d almost given up trying, wanting you to be happy with Asa and not interfere with that when you left again. My heart couldn’t take losing you, so I went to Asa, planning on only helping him find you and then disappearing.”
I sucked in a breath, turning to look at him. “You were going to give up?”
“Yeah.” He nodded, sadness in his stance. “But I couldn’t ever walk away. I kept telling myself, after this, or after that. I’d planned to walk away that moment in the hotel room when Asa arrived. But then I had to finally admit that I didn’t want to. Asa and I had talked, but I wasn’t sure how much of that was just him wanting to find you and saying whatever it took to make it happen. Hope speared me when he seemed to be upholding his words, and I knew I was a goner. I know it’s too early for you, but I love you, Finley. I have for years, and I just wanted you to know before it was too late.”
I pulled his face down, needing to kiss him after he’d shared all of his heart with me. He was right that I didn’t know how I felt about him yet. I cared about him a lot, but I didn’t think I was at the love stage yet. So, I was glad he wasn’t expecting me to say it. When we pulled back, I held his head close, wanting him to hear everything I had to say.
“I can’t say those words yet. But I know I will, one day, if you give me a chance.”
“That’s more than I ever dreamed of.” He lifted me up, my legs going around his waist. I could feel his hard cock against my stomach, and I rocked against it as he moved us toward the water so he could rinse the conditioner out.
“Fuck,” he cursed, almost stumbling as I did it again. “I wish this shower was bigger so I could show you what happens to naughty girls, sweetheart.”
I sucked in a breath, biting my lip, wanting to know what that was. But he was right. This shower was too small, and we’d be more likely to fall and hurt ourselves than enjoy it.
“How do you feel about Ryker now?” I asked when he set me back down, so he could wash his own hair really fast.
“Probably the same as you,” he said, giving me a knowing look.
