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FINLEY
When morning came,I stayed still, not wanting to face the day. I’d been awake for several hours now but hadn’t moved. Everything felt heavy, and I wondered if it was the drugs… or me.
Someone had gotten up a while ago, but I was too focused on myself to figure it out. I’d been held in a pair of arms all night. It was the only thing that kept me from falling apart. My mind kept replaying three things.
Blackhawk had a name, and it was Ryker.
Ryker was the leader of The Order and Cohen’s handler.
He claimed he hadn’t set me up.
I’d heard them talking as the nurses hooked me up to the IV, but I hadn’t wanted to believe it. I’d been able to push it off until this morning, but I would have to face it soon. Suddenly, the thought of knowing the truth seemed like the last thing I wanted. What if everything I’d thought for the past six years had been a lie? Where did that leave me then?
I’d never felt so lost in all my life.
“Babe, I can hear your thoughts running a mile a minute. I promise, whatever is said, I’ll be there to help you figure it out. We’ve got this. Together.”
Asa’s soft words soothed me, and I relaxed for the first time in hours. Carefully, he turned me, bringing me to face him. It was then I realized that we were the only two people left in the bed.
“Hey,” he said, tracing his thumb across my cheek. “How are you feeling?”
Licking my lips, I swallowed, wetting my dry throat so I could speak. I was too worried to care about morning breath. “Physically? A bit tired, but otherwise, I think I’m okay. I feel so embarrassed that I passed out.”
“You went into shock, Fin. It was more than passing out. You don’t have to be so hard on yourself all the time.”
“It’s the only way I know how to be,” I admitted, closing my eyes. “It’s easier than letting others do it.”
“I don’t think you really believe that,” Asa whispered, pulling my chin up. My eyes naturally opened at the move, finding his green ones. They were so full of hope, love, and reassurance that I wished I could bathe in them. “What are you worried about discovering?” he asked when I didn’t contradict him.
“That the past six years have been a complete joke and waste of time. Everything I thought I knew was wrong, and I’m nothing but a failure.” Tears began to build, threatening to spill over my eyelids. Saying it out loud felt different than it just running around in my head.
Asa pulled me closer, his body practically wrapping around me as he held me to him. He dropped kisses on my eyes, nose, forehead, and hairline as the tears began to fall.
“You are magnificent and the furthest thing from a failure, Finley Reyes. You show me every day what it means to be strong. You strive for your best, showing others they can too. You care deeply for people, almost to the detriment of yourself, and you’re always willing to be there for a friend. You’re the most selfless person I know. If that is what a failure looks like, I want to be a failure too. But you haven’t failed, my love. Not at all. Sometimes we just have to take a moment to readjust. Absorb the new information and recalculate our next move. It doesn’t mean the last effort was worth anything less.”
Peering at him through my tear-filled eyes, I grasped ahold of him, needing to feel his solid presence. The moment my hand touched him, I felt something settle, anchoring this man to me.
“I’m so glad I found you, Asa. You’re a dose of pure sunshine combined with the strength of an unwavering force. I love you so much.”
Gently, I pressed my lips to his, knowing I wasn’t ready for anything more this morning, but I needed that small connection to remind me that I had him.
Asa pulled me to his chest, and I lay there, crying as the morning sun began to fill the room. At that thought, I realized we were underground and there shouldn’t be sunlight coming into our windows.
“Wait, are we still at The Order?” I drew back, taking in the room. It looked like the same place I’d brought my bag to yesterday.
“It’s artificial sunlight,” Cohen said, and I turned toward the door, finding him watching me. When he saw I was looking, he came closer, sitting on the end of the bed. “How are you feeling?”
“Tired, but otherwise okay. What do you mean artificial sunlight?” I asked, sitting up. Asa followed, the cover falling and reminding me of his gorgeous chest of muscles. My hand lifted, and I realized I was about to pet him. Clasping it in my other hand, I dropped them onto the bed and looked at Cohen. He smiled at me but took pity and didn’t comment on my near groping.
“Since a lot of the people here don’t go up top a lot, they had screens made that mimic the natural environment.” He got up and walked over to the wall where the curtains were drawn halfway over a window. There was a remote on the sill, and he picked it up, pointing it at the window, or I guess, screen. “You can set it to whatever time zone you like, part of the world, and season. Some people get tired of winter, so they have it set to more of the east coast and get all the seasons. I just have it on neutral, so it mimics what is outside the building.”
“Wow, that’s some smart tech. I bet it does wonders for people stuck down here for long periods.”
“It’s reduced a lot of seasonal depression. There are even sunrooms where people can go and get vitamin D.”
“Oh, that sounds cool. I wouldn’t mind checking it out. Could we do a tour later?”
“Absolutely.” Cohen smiled, sitting back down and practically petting my foot under the blanket. He sighed, his face changing, and I knew I needed to check in with him. “Ryker called to say he’ll be here in about thirty minutes. So, now’s your time to grab a shower if you want one.” He’d practically gritted out that last part, confirming my suspicions.
