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He briefly closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. “This is going to sound fucking corny, but the moment I saved you from your appetite for destruction,” he says, smiling, “I knew you were going to save me.” He shakes his head. “You are my North Star, babe. You are my way home. How’s that for corny worst lines?” he asks, kissing the corner of my mouth.
“The worst,” I say and pull him toward me, our lips inches away from each other’s.
I look up into his eyes. “What about when you held my sweaty hands?” I giggle.
“That too, but no.” He laughs. “I knew when you kissed me. I don’t know if you remember, but you did when we were lying in the snow.”
I close my eyes, remembering our moment in the snow. I brushed my hand over the bulge pressing against the zipper of his jeans, wanting to make a snow angel. I leaned in and softly kissed his lips. “I thought I dreamed that part,” I whisper.
“It felt like a dream. I never tasted anything as sweet before, babe. And then at the X Games when I got your texts… damn, I wanted to get down fast,” he husks out. “Because I didn’t think about the ride, I only thought I shouldn’t fuck up what we had. We’d known each other for about a week, but I was losing my damn mind because the pipe didn’t fucking scare me like it used to, but you did,” he confesses. “And I do love you, Lemmy. I know I haven’t told you before,” he says, caressing my tear-streaked cheeks. “I’m gonna love you.” He kisses the corner of my mouth. “I promise, Ace of Spades.”
“I love you too, Jesse Winchester. Promise me you’ll never drop down a mountain when you aren’t sure you are going to come out the other end.”
“I promise.” He takes a deep, shuddering breath, tilting his head. “Look at me, babe.” He reaches for my hand and places it on his cheek, covering mine with his calloused palm. Cupping my butt with his other hand, he lifts me off my feet.
“What are you doing?” I giggle when he huffs out a breath, while snowflakes drop all around us.
“Damn, babe, the baby ways a ton.” He snickers, holding me up.
I slap him in his chest playfully while he places me on the wooden railing of the porch. He grins, staring at me through heavy-lidded eyes. His erection presses hard and heavy between my legs. I shift on the beam, loving the pressure of his bulge against my clit. I have craved his touch more than I want to admit.
My voice is small when I say, “Promise me you’ll always come back to me.” I burrow my fingers into his thick hair.
He bites on his bottom lip. A hint of vulnerability creeps over his features before he smiles. “I’ll come back to you. I know I’m not big on words, and it took me a long time to get here. And I know I still have a long way to go in this whole relationship thing.” He chuckles, waggling his eyebrows. “But I’m keeping you.”
My eyes widen at his words, and heat rushes through me at the sheer possession in them, and I’m tongue-tied.
“That’s it, what about you?” he questions. “What about you, Acie?” he asks again, this time more quietly.
“I love you even if it scares me, Jesse,” I confess. He doesn’t say anything, but watches me intently. I rest my hands against his chest. “Ronnie, he—” I take a deep breath. “When he died in that avalanche ten years ago, I lost a part of my heart, but you, Jesse—” I say, placing my hand over my racing heart, not knowing how I’m going to finish this sentence.
“Ace, I’m sorry,” he says.
“It’s okay, I mean—” I say, brushing away a tear with my sleeve. “He was doing what he loved. He loved to snowboard, it was his whole life. It was our life. He knew the conditions weren’t good that day, but he was working with a crew, and I wasn’t as experienced. I begged him to let me come. He didn’t think it was a good idea, but took me with them anyway.” I take another deep breath. Fuck, why is it still so hard to talk about him.
Jesse takes my hand and squeezes. “That’s why you hated the snow.”
“I do… I did. I ran as far away from the mountains as I possibly could. I didn’t want to be reminded of the fact he chose to go up there when he knew we were going to chase pow in a dangerous area. And I hated him for it, hated that he— he took me with him, and I couldn’t dig him out.”
“He knew the risks but did it anyway,” Jesse says.
“Yes,” I whisper, wiping at my running nose. “I don’t understand why it happened. It was supposed to be me because he gave me his avalanche pack.”
He lets go of my hand and locks eyes with me. “I don’t know the answer to that one. What I do know is this life is part of every fiber of our being. Some people are called to the mountains because it’s in our blood. He wanted to keep you safe, and he knew the risks.”
“Until it all ends in a second,” I whisper.
“That’s the risk we take, Acie,” he drawls. “Let go, babe.”
“I can’t. I’m scared, Jesse. I’ve held on for so long, I don’t know what’s going to happen when I finally let go.”
“Ace,” he says. “You need to let it go, you need to let him go.”
“I’m scared, Jesse, scared one day you’ll take one last run and won’t come back to me like he did,” I tell him, my voice cracking and breaking like my heart.
He holds me in his arms and kisses my hair. “I will always try to come back to you.”
I grab him by the collar and stare into his eyes. “You promise?” I ask, shaking him a little.
“I do, Lemmy.”
“I love you,” I whisper, my heart hammering in my ears. Because I do—I love him with all I have. Even if it scares me, I’m going to keep the son of a bitch. “You shred my heart to pieces and glue it back together, Jesse.”
He grabs my face and smashes our lips together, and I kiss him back with all I have. I’m going to keep this asshole for the rest of my life.
