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I’m not supposedto like her, much less let her comfort me, but here I am. This is my life. One giant, confusing mess. The only thing I know for sure is that I don’t know. Anything. I choke down my tears and straighten up, wiping my face with the palms of my hand.
“I’ve got to go,” I say, stepping away from Moira.
“Aye,” she says.
“That’s it?”
Moira chuckles.
“You expect me to be the bad guy, do ya?” I shrug, ashamed because I do. She shakes her head. “No. You’ve had enough of that, I’m sure. I’m nae the bad guy here. I’m not going to be some super villain that you have to beat down to save the world.”
She turns and walks away.
“Then what?” I call after her.
She stops, hangs her head, then turns around.
“It’d be easier, wouldn’t it? If I was the ‘big bad’. Thing is, this isn’t a show on the telly. This is life. Your life, Quinn. You’ll make a decision, and the world will either change or it won’t.”
“That’s, uh, amiable of you I guess.”
“Is it?” She shakes her head. “I don’t feel very amiable about it. I want what I want. I like this world. A lot, actually. It fits me fine. I could play the part, but this time I’ve decided I’m not going to.”
“What is the choice I have to make?”
“You’ll know it when it comes.” She sighs heavily and her sadness is palpable. “It’s not a simple one and done. It’s a lot of little decisions, but you know what they say; the path to hell is paved with good intentions.”
“If I go back—” My throat clenches down on the words and I can’t finish the sentence.
“Maybe,” she answers me anyway. “Maybe not.”
“But,” I force the lump in my throat down, “that’s the decision, isn’t it?”
“No. It’s not going to be that simple.”
“Then what? Why can’t you tell me?”
“Because I don’t know. None of us know, not for sure. Each of us has our guesses, our opinions, but in the end, that’s all they are. Guesses.”
“How can it be only guesses? If this is all a repeat, why don’t you know? Or someone?”
Her smile is soft and understanding. There’s no recrimination in the way she looks at me and once more I’m struck by how much I like her, though logic tells me I shouldn’t. I don’t trust her, she lied to me whether she calls it that or not, but I like her.
“I don’t think any of us remember that clearly,” she says, shaking her head. “It’s been a long time since the last turning and memories are fickle.” She chuckles. “How well do you remember what happened five years ago?”
“I don’t know, not well I guess.”
“Exactly, now make those thousands of years. Lifetimes have come and gone, and in the Fae realms, more than that.”
“If I choose the Fae, choose magic, what happens to this world? What happens to my parents, my friends, school?” She raises her hands and makes a poof motion with them, wiggling her fingers in the air to imitate debris falling. She chuckles. “You think it’s funny?”
Anger surges as she laughs. How can she be so ambivalent when I’m asking about my parents and friends?
“No. No I don’t. This is, after all, my life. I’m part of this world too, Quinn.”
“But you’re a Fae.”
“I’m an Unseelie. We’re the ones that adapted to the changing landscape. Unlike my cousins, we integrate well into this world of technology and machines. I like it just the way it is. I’m excited about what the next innovation is going to bring.”
