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“What was I supposed to do?” I ask, voice hoarse.

“Finally, a right question,” the Druid says. He stops looming over and takes a step back. He shakes his head. “You refused training.”

“I didn’t have time.”

“Didn’t you?” he counters, leaning in and staring with his rheumy eyes.

“I did—” I cut myself off.

I chew my lip as memories parade through my head and I try to piece together what is real and what isn’t since I returned from Scotland. I recall each of the times that something felt off, but I ignored it. When I left my dad was well. When I came back, he was sick, and it seemed natural. As if that is the way it had always been, but if so, why would I have gone to Scotland in the first place?

More and more memories. All of them are in question. Some feel right, some feel off even if I can’t figure out why. Then the final memory comes and I’m sitting at the table with Dad.

“Then do it. I couldn’t possibly be prouder. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy.”

That is real. That’s Dad in all his glory. The man who raised me. The widower who put me first above everything else in his life. I see it so clearly now. I have, for all my adult life, blamed myself for him not remarrying. I assumed he didn’t so that he could focus on me, but now I know better. My mom was his one. He didn’t remarry because he had the love of his life and the only thing that could compare was his love for me and mine for him.

“Now she learns,” the Druid mutters.

“I should have known.”

It hurts to admit it but it’s true. I should have known. Followed my gut. I can make all the excuses I want but the truth is, at times, a harsh mistress.

“Do not be too harsh on yourself,” Dugald says. “None of us were sure.”

“And that’s a viable excuse?” I ask. He frowns and shakes his head. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

I take a deep breath. I was wrong and it hurts. Someone played with me and my life. Someone, but who? It all comes down to one thing. I want to know who did this and I want to make them hurt. I want that person to feel the same pain I do.

“What will you do now, Destroyer?” the Druid asks.

The barren emptiness of the loss mixes with embarrassment at having been played for a fool. I take the emotions in, and I forge them in the fires of my rage into hard steel that becomes resolve. I square my shoulders, tilt my chin up, and meet his gaze.

“I’m going to make them pay.”

ChapterThirty-One

“Hold,”the Druid says.

I waver, struggling to keep my balance. I’m standing with one foot on a three-inch round wooden stick he drove into the ground while keeping my other leg raised, and my hands pressed together in front of me. I’ve fallen more times than I care to count. My bruises have bruises. Seven days. It’s been seven days of trying to do this. My balance is almost there, I’ve almost got it.

“I can—” I fall.

My breath rushes out when I hit the ground. I slam a fist onto the grass, then push myself upright. The Druid watches, silent and waiting. I brush myself off and climb back up onto the stick and try again.

“Good,” he says as I wobble and try to find the point of balance.

I swing my arms a couple of times, then I find it. My body settles and it’s as if this is the most natural position in the world. I bring my palms together in front of my chest and close my eyes.

“Focus,” the Druid says softly. “Clear your mind. Think of nothing.”

Think of nothing. It sounds easy, but easy is like those stupid daily affirmations. Nice, pithy, and oh so not the reality anyone I know lives in.I’m building the empire of my dreams,orI attract wealth and abundance.Nice thoughts, except for most of us out here in the real world that’s all they are. Thoughts that are undermined by daily reality and our own negativity.

I try though and for a moment I get there. Not a thought in my head. Listening to my breath come in and out. And the brief moments I achieve it, something happens. I feel magic. Power. It’s tantalizing, inviting, and I know it’s there for me to grab if only I can hold on to this state.

Then I remember Dad. Or school. Or hell, coffee and how great it would be to have one right now. The moment that happens it’s gone. I’m no longer in that state which I can’t describe but the magic is gone. As ephemeral as any dream.

I fall. Again. It hurts, adding more bruises to my poor backside. I lie on the ground this time and stare up at the open sky above.

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