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35
“What’s something you’ve always wanted to do but were too afraid to try?”I ask Tristan one Saturday morning as we lie in bed together.His hand runs through my hair, so I know he’s awake even though his eyes are closed.As I stare up at him, I notice his lips are tipped up in the corners with a faint smile, and those butterflies flutter in my belly.He’s so peaceful when he sleeps, but I have to admit, mornings with him are my favorite, partly because I know no one else has ever had this with him before, but also because he’s so open.He hasn’t put his barriers up for the day.
I’m starting to despise those barriers.They’ve been raised ever since he admitted to finally reading Robbie’s letter, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what Robbie might have written to make Tristan so moody.He’s mostly back to normal, but sometimes I catch him watching me with a look I’ve never seen on his face before, and I don’t like it.
So, every morning I try to ask him something to get him to open up to me so eventually he’ll tell me more about the letter.I’d feel bad about it, but it’s started some of our best conversations, so I don’t.
“Hmm,” he murmurs, but his lips quirk up higher so I know he’s messing with me.
“Come on,” I tease, pushing on his rock-hard stomach playfully.I’ve become very acquainted with his body over the last few weeks, and I’m convinced his abs are the eighth wonder of the world.He claims it’s my ass, and that no woman as petite as me should have a butt so sexy—it’s not fair to the other women.Insert eye roll.
“You go first,” he mumbles.
Nibbling on my lip, I draw patterns on his stomach with my finger.“Okay.Well, I’d like to finally put my portfolio together and show it to a gallery.I’ve always wanted my pictures displayed at a show, but never felt good enough.”
He turns his head and finally opens his beautiful eyes—my other favorite part of waking up next to him, even if sometimes it feels like we’re moving really fast—and stares at me with determination.“You should.Your pictures are incredible.Trent’s always been afraid you’d figure out you were too good for us and we’d lose you as tour photographer.”
“Don’t forget social media manager.”
He scrubs a hand over his face.“Yeah, please never quit.I fucking hate social media.”
I laugh, and the easy way the sound flows out of me feels so good and freeing.“You’ve always hated social media, and yet women love seeing pictures of you.Your socials are incredibly popular.”
He grumbles and I only laugh harder.When I finally settle down, he’s watching me.“I love your laugh.I’ve always loved it.”
I rest my chin on my hand which is resting on his chest and watch him.“Oh yeah?”
He nods.“I always wanted to record it, so I could listen to it all the time.”He closes his eyes and winces.“Fuck, that makes me sound like a creep.”
I laugh again.“Not to me.I think it’s sweet.”I sober, though, when I realize all the years he spent loving me in the background while I was completely ignorant.“I am sorry, though.”
“For what?”
“That you felt that way for so long.That I didn’t know.”I shrug my shoulder.“That you were lonely.”
He brushes his hand through my hair, his gaze following the motion, and he gets a look in his eyes again like he can’t believe he gets to touch me this way.“It was worth it all for this,” he says, his deep voice soft.His hand moves to cup my cheek, and I lean into his palm, our gazes locked on each other and so much being said in the silence.
How much he loves me.How willing he is to be patient and wait for me to feel the same way.It scares me that he might not have to wait long.
I’ve always loved Tristan in a way.For so long, it was friendship.He was an extension of my family.But the past couple of months—hell, the past year—it’s been so much more.Spending every night together, even if it’s just sleeping, sharing space with him, going on dates with him, all the ways he shows me he loves me.It’s overwhelming sometimes how easy my feelings for him have grown to something much more significant than only friendship.
But I’m also afraid.I’m afraid to tell him how I feel, and even more, I’m afraid of my feelings.It still feels too soon, and we’ve mostly been in our safe bubble, but what will other people think when they find out how quickly I’ve moved on.I’m afraid people will question my love for Robbie if I admit to loving Tristan too soon.
Which unfortunately means once again, Tristan is waiting for me.I can only hope he knows my silence doesn’t mean I’m choosing Robbie over him.
Or at least I don’t intend for it to.
Not wanting to think too hard about that, I poke his stomach.“Don’t think you can distract me with compliments.It’s your turn to share.”
He thinks about it for a minute and then gets a sheepish look on his face.
“Oh man, I can tell this is going to be good,” I say.
“I’m the quiet one in the band.I’ve accepted it, but my stiffness on stage isn’t an act.I never really know how to react to fans freaking out over me.I thought it would get easier over time, but it never has.When we were touring with Wrecked by Reason, their drummer, Chase, mentioned he’d taken an improv class in college and that really helped him feel more comfortable at adapting quickly to situations and being more aware of his stage presence.He also said he felt like a fucking idiot a time or two, but laughing at himself helped even more.I’ve always thought maybe it’d be worth it to take a class and see if it helps.The rest of the guys have great stage presence, and I just feel super fucking awkward ninety percent of the time.”
“I had no idea,” I say, absolutely shocked he thinks he’s awkward.I’ve always thought he looked broody, but that’s kind of who he is in general.It made sense he’d be that way on stage.And hell, women ate it up.I try not to think about that too hard because the thought of him being with another woman makes me insanely jealous.
I sit up on my knees with an idea.“Let’s do it.”
