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Were you real?
Tonight is a bad night. I want to die. I wish you were here with me.
Redwood, I miss you.
I think I dreamed you up. You can’t have been real. You were too perfect.
You left me like everyone else does.
Redwood, I miss you.
For two years, every painful thought and emotion went into that book. I wrote letters to a man who I had only ever spent a day with but who had somehow changed my life. I wrote them like confessions in a confessional. I bore my soul to him and even if it wasn’t real, it helped, it healed. He was never meant to see it.
“Why, Isabella? Why would you do this?” Nyx yells, his voice breaking. My head shoots up and I lock eyes with him. He’s angry but I don’t understand why. I thought he would make fun of me, tell me I’m a stupid child with silly girl dreams. I thought he would embarrass me. I thought he would be confused but that he wouldn’t care. Why is he so mad?
“What the fuck is going on down here?” Gage barks, jogging down the stairs. Maddox and Stone hot on his heels. I see them come down behind Nyx but I can’t take my eyes off of the hurt and enraged, nearly black eyes that are currently looking at me as though he’s searching my soul.
My brows scrunch as I take in his expression. I really don’t understand what is happening right now.
“What?” I whisper, my voice scratchy from the tears. Then it hits me like a slap across my face. He has no right to be mad at me. I’m upset that he found it, that he saw my words, my secrets. But he saw them because he snooped.It’s not my fault.I force myself to stand up taller, replacing the embarrassment with irritation. “Why are you mad? It’s your fault for going through my stuff!”
“Why couldn’t you have just forgotten me? Why did you do this?” he shouts, squeezing the notebook so hard his fingers are turning white. The other men stand between the two of us, looking back and forth, faces full of concern and confusion. Nyx’s face is now turning red as his jaw flexes with anger. “Why?” he yells the word so loudly that I jump and another sob tears out of me.
“Enough, Nyxon! Calm the fuck down, now!” Stone growls, surprising everyone with the vitriol in his usually soft-spoken tone. Nyx drags his eyes to his friends and glares at them.
None of them back down from his stare but Maddox moves to stand behind me. He wraps his arms around my shoulders and tugs me into his body. The statement is clear, he’s on my side of whatever this is. My heart hammers in my chest at that. I don’t want to stand between them. I don’t want to cause problems in their family or their friendships. But it also means more to me than I can put into words that Maddox would be on my side. It makes me feel less alone in a moment that is full of sadness and pain.
I lean into his embrace and it gives me the strength to speak. To say the things I’ve wanted to say since he walked back into my life a month ago atThe Den. When he pretended not to know me and his game of treating me like trash began.
“How could I have forgotten you Nyxon? That day meant everything to me,everything! You were there for me when I needed you the most. You told me that day that we were both exactly where we were meant to be. That we needed each other. That we saved each other. You were so fucking sure that day two years ago. I don’t understand how you could have changed this much in two years. I don’t understand how you could have meant so much to me that day and every day after that, yet somehow, I meantnothingto you. Was everything you said to me a lie?” I’m saying the words calmly, and my tears are now gone, but on the inside, I feel like a volcano of emotions ready to erupt.
Nyx stares at me, his face completely unreadable, but I see it in his fists that are clenching and unclenching, in his tight jaw, his eyes that have narrowed on me. He’s breathing hard but he’s giving nothing away, saying nothing. The longer the silence goes on, the more the chasm in my chest spreads.
“I guess I have my answer,” I murmur with a shake of my head. Without waiting for him to respond, because I know he won’t, I turn on my heel and walk back to my room, softly closing the door behind me.
Ella
Idon’tknowhowmuch time passes before a quiet knock lands on my door. I know it’s not Nyxon because, after some muffled manly growls and snarls, the front door slammed so I assume he left.
Broken-lovelytheband
“Ella, it’s Stone. I wanted to check on you.” His soft voice instantly soothes me in such a surprising way that I find myself sliding out of bed and padding over to open the door.
“Hey,” I murmur, forcing myself to give him a small smile. He returns it, his smile soft and genuine. “Wanna come in?” His eyes widen briefly at my offer but he nods, almost looking nervous.
I step back into my room, flicking on the light as I go. It was still daylight outside when I retreated to my bed to think but it’s been dark for over an hour now. I plop down into the mound of pillows, crossing my legs and gabbing the pink giraffe from Maddox. It’s stupid but it brings me comfort, in the same way Nyx’s stolen hoodie had.
Had being the operative word.
I was so bored the first few days I was here alone this week that I may or may not have set out to snoop a bit. The boy’s floor isn’t one that I had explored yet. Stone’s room was the first door I came to but it was locked. The second was Gage’s and surprisingly, it was open wide. I walked in and actually laughed at the impeccable tidiness of it. After having been here for a while I have learned that the men in fact do not have a maid as I had assumed. The OCD level cleanliness is not just in his room, but the whole house, and it’s all because of Gage.
There was nothing sitting of interest out in the open in Gage’s room for me to find and I really didn’t want to go literallydiggingfor stuff. His room was impersonal at best and it was pretty obvious he only ever used it for sleeping when he's actually home. Sighing, I left in search of Maddox’s room. The door was closed but unlocked and I stepped in, only to bark out a laugh and run back out. It’s filthy and it immediately reminded me of Hunter’s when we were kids. Maddox could one hundred percent do with hiring someone to clean up after him.
The final bedroom I already knew belonged to Nyx, and the draw to it was both overwhelming and terrifying. I didn’t want to go inside but I literally could not help myself. I walked in and was surprised to find that not only was it clean and tidy, but it also looked lived in. It’s comfortable, neat, and decorated. Mementos, and personal touches including photos, line the walls. Trinkets and treasures sit on shelves.
I wanted to investigate them but the longer I stood in the center of the room, taking it all in, the more I felt like I was being watched or was seconds from being caught. It was unnerving. Right before I bolted, I saw his hoodie laying on his bed. Being the only thing out of place, it stood out. I picked it up and immediately brought it to my nose. The scent of him was overpowering and without even thinking, I took off, stolen goods in hand.
As soon as I got back to my room, I brought it up to my nose again. Each of the men has a distinct smell that I’m learning to recognize and crave. Nyx smells like pepper, sage, and cedarwood. It comforted me, bringing me peace and a smile stretched across my face at the thought of having something of his, being wrapped in it when I couldn’t be wrapped in his arms the way I wanted to be. I put the hoodie on and wore it the majority of the rest of the week. I still have it and up until a few hours ago, I didn’t see myself giving it back.
