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“I swear on my life, I will never ignore your calls again, baby. I’m so fucking sorry, Elle,” he whispers, brokenly. Hunter walks back to me, kisses my forehead, holding it for a moment, before turning and quickly walking out of the room. A moment later, I hear the front door slam.
I flop down on the bed, feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. My head is spinning with everything that’s gone down in the last few weeks and especially today. So much goddamned information to process. I close my eyes, intending to sort through it all. But the only thing I see with my eyes closed, is three imposing and powerful men, making me want and feel things I never thought I was possible of feeling.
Gage
“Wellfuck,thatcouldhave gone a whole fuck of a lot better,” Madd murmurs as soon as the door to Ella’s room slams shut. And itisher room. She admitted it herself.
“Could have gone a whole fuck of a lot worse, also,” I sigh as I walk back into the kitchen.
That is not how I wanted her to fucking find out about us. Jesus Christ. I run my hand through my hair as I lean against the island. This is all such a goddamned mess.
“Do you think she’ll leave?” Maddox asks quietly as he drops onto one of the barstools and pulls his pocketknife from his sweats. Snapping the blade, he points the sharp tip and presses it against the tip of his finger before shaking his head and tossing it in the air. It spins a few times before he catches it perfectly and delicately by the handle. It's his tell. He fidgets or plays with his knife when he's stressed.
I look up at my little brother, taking in his concerned expression. He looks fucking worried, which is so unlike him. Usually, Maddox’s default mode is either jokester or raging maniac. There is no in-between. But with Ella, I see a new side of my brother. He’ssweetwith her. It’s fucking weird. But, I guess I’m not my regular self around her either. Yeah, I’m a demanding asshole sometimes. I’m short and direct. But I’m also soft and caring with her because I really do fucking care about the woman, and looking at Madd, I can tell he does as well.
“You really like her, don’t you? She’s not just a fuck?” I ask, needing to hear it from him.
Part of me is bracing to hear the truth of how much he feels for her, the other part of me already knows the answer, and I’m surprisingly okay with it.
“Yeah, I really do. Don’t you?” he asks, brows furrowed, like this is a normal conversation and the answer is simple. It’s not simple though. Is it? “It’s okay if you do, bro. Having feelings for her doesn’t make you weak and it doesn’t change things between us. Look, I don’t know what the fuck is going on between you and her, or me and her. I don’t know what’s in your head or hers, but I know what’s in mine. I like her, I care about her and I want her,” he says with a shrug, leaning his forearms on the counter and setting down his knife.
“Just that easy, huh?” I grunt.
“I never said it was fuckin easy, Gage. None of this shit is. What she went through and the situation she’s in now, it’s fucking hard. The shit going on in our lives, it’s fucked. You, me, and Nyx all falling for the same chick? That shit’s not simple either. But my feelings for her? Yeah, that’s easy, brother. I like who she is, and I really fuckin like who I am when I’m with her. I want more of that,” he says, with a wistful look on his face. It’s weird as shit. My brows furrow, confused as fuck about what he means.
“I mean, I noticed that you’re sweet with her, to her. She changes shit that much for you?”
Maddox smiles softly, almost looking uncomfortable or nervous. It’s so fucking unlike him that it has me leaning in closer, ready to force him to say whatever’s on his mind. After a few minutes of silence, he finally relents, sighing and rolling his eyes.
“I got her off,” he murmurs.
Now, to anyone else, that might sound like a crass as fuck statement, or common and expected knowledge considering who we are and how much pussy we all get. We all fuck, a lot. Especially my little brother. Butthat shit right there,that’s not like him, at fucking all. Maddox doesn’t give a fuck if the bitches he has sex with get off. He’s a selfish bastard and he knows it.
I think in Madd’s head, he’s punishing them. It’s not that he thinks less of women because he doesn’t. But his whole perception of sex is fucked, to say the least. I think he believes that by getting off and leaving the woman he’s with hanging, it’s righting the scale in his head. That if he does it enough, he’ll get the power he lost back. You can lose power sexually in more ways than just being raped or molested. Having someone you care about take from you, and lie to you about it, can be just as damaging.
I get the importance of what my brother is telling me, it’s a big fucking deal. But the only thing rolling through my mind on repeat is a singular thought.
“You fucked her? When the fuck did you do that?” I question, pissed as all hell. She’s been here two fuckin nights and she’s recovering from a hell of a lot of shit.
He rolls his eyes again and I fight the urge to smack the fucker upside his head.
“Nah, bro. It wasn’t like that,” he says before a shit-eating grin takes over his face. I stare at him, expectantly, because it’s going to take more than that for me to not lose my shit.
“Look, she needed help in the shower this morning. It took a fuck of a lot of trust for her to let me help her, but she trusted me to take care of her. It just,” he sighs and shakes his head, running a hand through his faux hawk. “After everything she’s been through, for her to trust me like that? Fuck man, I can’t even explain how it made me feel. Like solidified the fuck out of my feelings for the girl, that’s for fuckin sure. She’s strong as hell, and so fuckin brave. And before you go around throwing punches, no, I didn’t fuck her. I know she’s still healing. And no, I didn’t do anything she didn’t want. But, she trusted me to give her back something that sick fuck took and I did.”
“So, you got her off, in the shower?” I ask, needing clarification for fuck knows what reason. He nods and smirks again.
“She’s fuckin beautiful, Gage. Perfect. Body, tits, pussy. It’s all perfect. But, I knew that she wasn’t ready for anything else, and my head, man, my head was cool with it. The shit I usually feel for chicks, it’s like, I don’t know bro. It’s like, I don’t feel any fuckin thing for them, so I just don’t give a fuck. At that moment, when I’m fuckin a chick, my dicks in it but my heads not, and my fuckin heart? Fuck, Gage, never. But with Ella? My head knew what she needed, and my heart, my fuckin soul? It knew how to take care of her. My dick on the other hand,” he huff’s out a sarcastic laugh.
Holy fucking shit. My brother has seriously fallen for her. He’s talking about his heart and feelings and shit.Fuck.
I stare at my brother, who more times than not, is a broken wreck, struggling to survive his demons, and suddenly I’m wondering if I should step back. Should I just throw in the towel and let him have her? She likes him, that much is obvious. And if she really trusted him that much, after what she’s been through-
“Don’t go there bro, she cares about you too and we don’t even know if she wants me. We gotta talk to her, see where she’s at. She may not want any of us after that shit show with her ex. She could be getting ready to dip out with her douchebag bestie right now.”
I laugh, because no matter how light and easy-going he tries to pretend to be, my brother has fucking depth, and he has always had the uncanny ability to know what one of us is thinking. It seems he’s extended that party trick with Ella, too.
“Madd, you’re my baby brother. I raised you. I’ve been there for you your entire life, and never,never, have you talked about shit like this. Not even Allie. You liked her, yeah. You were wrecked as hell when she fucked you over but it wasn’t because you loved her, it was because she betrayed the fuck out of you. After only knowing Ella for what? A week? Two? You’re talking about your heart? Jesus bro, I don’t want to get in the middle of that,” I say shaking my head and rubbing the back of my neck.
