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"Dean, don't you dare act like that. What's wrong with you? You've never asked me to go with you on a business trip before." She rinses her mouth, then turns to face me.
"I'm asking you now. I want my wife with me because I miss you, and you know what? I'm tired of fucking on a damn schedule." She gasps, her hand rising to her chest.
"Don't be vulgar. We make love! And why are you complaining about these things now?"
"Never mind. I don't know what's wrong with me. I need to pack." I scrub my face with my hands, leaving the bathroom and stalking across our oversized bedroom toward our closet. Yet again, my attempt to ignite a flame between us has failed. I don't know how many more attempts I have left in me.
"Brush your teeth and wash your face!" she calls out after me.
Right. How on earth can I forget that. Heaven fucking forbid I don't brush my teeth the moment my feet hit the fucking floor.
I don't know why I even bothered asking her to go with me anyway. I knew her answer would be no before I even asked. Karina never wants to do anything on a whim. Everything must be planned.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if she plans her shits, too.
Come to think of it, I've never seen her shit before. She probably doesn't. Karina is much too proper to sit on the porcelain throne and take a shit.
Laughing to myself, I take my duffel bag from the closet and throw it on the bed, going back into the closet to gather the clothes I'll need for my business trip.
Karina walks into the room, sets my bag on the ottoman at the foot of the bed, and begins making the bed as she always does. She's placing the final decorative pillow on top when I return with some socks and boxers in my hands.
"I have an appointment with the top fertility specialist here in Washington on Wednesday,” she says casually, like this is normal everyday conversation. Well, for us, I guess it is. It's rare to have a conversation anymore that isn't about trying to conceive.
"Why would you do that? I told you that we need to take a break."
"And I told you I don't want to. We're not getting any younger, and it's a miracle to get an appointment this quick. She usually has a very long waiting list. Honey, this could be a sign."
Everything is a goddamn sign to her. "This isn't a fucking sign, Karina! I told you that I don't want to keep this shit up!" I yell, throwing my handful of clothes on the bed.
She jumps back, startled by my outburst, but composes herself. She sits on the edge of the bed with a sigh, her bright blue eyes finally meeting mine.
"You're just under so much stress, and I understand. But we need to do this, and we have to keep trying, Dean."
"No, we don't! You can cancel the appointment." I pace the room, raking my hands through my hair. "I'm not trying anymore. I'm done with it, Karina. I don't need a break; I want to be done. For good."
"You promised you'd give me anything I want! You promised to make me happy!" She jumps up, throwing her hands in the air. Now it's my turn to be surprised by her outburst.
"A baby is not the fucking answer! A baby will not magically fix us and make us happy together! A baby isn't a solution for a broken marriage!" I roar, regretting the harsh words the moment they leave my mouth. They're true, but I didn't mean to be that harsh toward her.
Karina flinches as if I'd slapped her, her blue eyes becoming glossy with unshed tears. She wraps one hand around her waist, and places the other against her chest. "You think our marriage is broken?"
"Karina, I'm sorry. That's not what I meant." She holds up a hand to silence me.
"You never say things you don't mean. You meant it, or else you wouldn't have said it." We stare at each other in silence. She's right. It's not common for me to say things I don't mean.
My words linger between us. I know they hurt Karina, but she doesn't cry or give in to whatever emotions she's feeling. No, she stands straight and smiles at me.
"Go shower and get ready for the day. I'll finish your packing." She disappears into the closet without another word, and I go into the bathroom to shower.
Here we go again.
Back to acting as if we're perfect, ignoring every single flaw in our marriage, along with the massive elephant in the room.
ELEVEN
THEN
Dean,16 years old
