AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I’m so high on orgasms and the man giving me said orgasms that I don't deny him when he asks me to come with him to his next show in Los Angeles.
Like a fucking lunatic, I agree to travel cross country with a stranger.
The moment Tyler told me about the tickets to see Riot, I knew my life would change. It was just a feeling I had, but holy shit, I was right.
My life changed that night, just not how I could’ve ever expected.
Little did I know that nine months later, I’d be married and welcoming a son into the world.
THIRTY-THREE
NOW
Camille
I'm anxious the entire flight to New York. My nerves don’t ease up any while on the taxi ride to the penthouse I share with Declan, either. I thought that I'd be angry or sad, but all I feel is contentment. I'm content with my decision to divorce Declan—and honestly, I'm eager. It has been a long time coming. We both deserve to be set free. I can't pinpoint an exact moment in our marriage when it all went wrong and I realized I wanted out. All I know is that’s how I feel and I refuse to keep ignoring it. Perhaps I've always secretly known that our time together was limited, but I wanted to keep my family together.
Our son having a two-parent household was more important to me than my happiness.
I wasn't always miserable.
Were there plenty of times when I felt held back and unhappy? Yes.
But all it took was one look at my beautiful son's smiling face and that had me willing to push everything else out of my mind and ignore all the red flags in my marriage.
Instead of talking things out like any mature and healthy couple should, Declan and I fucked until we couldn't remember why we were even fighting. It was the same routine, fucking and fighting.
Luca never witnessed us fighting; he didn't need to see his parents yelling at each and saying nasty things in the heat of the moment.
We tried to fuck our problems away without ever actually communicating. Obviously, it never worked. We were so young when we got married. It was a good decision then, but now, ending it is the right decision.
I know that Declan is aware this is coming, but I cannot drop that bombshell on him over the phone. He deserves me telling him face-to-face.
Maybe I'll be ambushing him by not telling him I was coming, but I hadn't wanted to call him and warn him that I'm coming, only for him to answer the phone under the influence. He's been doing good so far with his recovery, yet he's still so delicate.
If I were a decent person, I'd probably wait until he was in a better place before asking him for a divorce, but I think by now, we've already established I'm not a decent person. Besides, I've waited long enough. It's time.
My marriage was falling apart long before Dean returned, long before we lost Luca, and I've only been delaying the inevitable. I'm ending my marriage for myself. I want to feel happy again. Getting out of a marriage that mentally drains me every day will be best for me and make me happy.
I didn't tell Dean the real reason I had come to New York, only that I needed to check on my business. He doesn't need to know, not yet. I'll tell him once I return home.
The elevator dings, the doors slide open, and the smile I've been wearing fades the moment I step into the living room of the penthouse. I haven't been back here since I moved back home two weeks after the accident. The day we laid our baby boy to rest in the ground was the day that I packed everything I could and flew to Seattle. Declan stayed behind for two weeks to get his affairs in order with the band, and by the time he joined me in Seattle, I'd had our new condo already set up for us.
It's like stepping into a time machine and getting hit with a blast from the past.
My chest tightens as memories consume me. Everything is the same, and memories come flooding over me. The living room where Luca took his first steps, the kitchen where he said his first words while throwing his breakfast at me.
Tears sting my eyes.
God only knows how much I miss my baby boy. Living without him is like being unable to breathe, like my head is being held underwater, and I'm being forced to drown repeatedly. I can't get a deep enough breath.
Never would I wish this pain on even my worst enemy. The loss of a child is a pain no parent should ever bear. No parent should ever outlive their child. I spent months and months being angry at God for taking my son. Why him and not me? He was only four. He had his whole life ahead of him. I had lived my life, and I got to grow up and had plenty of experiences.
Experiences that he'll never have. For a year, I'd been so angry, looking for anyone to blame when there was no one to blame. It was a tragic accident.
I'm stuck in place, gripping the back of the couch, trying to remember what it feels like to breathe and have a heartbeat.
That's when I hear it.
