AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Just say it,” she said. “You always just say it, right? Why not now?”
Because of Rick.
Because you’ll run.
Because I don’t want you to run.
She shrugged. “How can I know what you’re offering if you won’t tell me? I can’t think straight if I don’t know what I’m thinking about! This is… it hurts my brain… I just can’t…”
“Just think about the yard,” I said. “Do you want it, or not?”
“But it’s not about the yard, is it? You want something from me. You’ve always wanted something from me.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said. “It’s not about what I want. It’s about your dream.”
“Tell me,” she insisted. “What’syourdream? What doeshappymean? Just tell me, Carl!”
“A baby,” I said. “I want you to have my baby. That’s whathappymeans.” I sighed. “I dream about being a father.”
Her eyes widened. Like they always do. I kept talking. Like I alwaysdo.
“I’m forty in December, Katie. I’ll be a forty year old man in a gay relationship with no family in sight.” I sighed again. “I want what most people want. I want a home, I want a family, I want to watch a little person grow up, I want the school visits, and Christmas mornings, and family holidays. I want to watch kids TV until it drives me insane. I want to know the words to all the crappy cartoon songs.” I stared at the trees. “I want to be a dad. I want Rick to be a dad. That’s what I want. That’smydream.”
“A baby in exchange for the yard? A couple of hundred grand for me to… breed for you?” I could hear the disgust in her voice, the undertone of horror, even though she tried to hide it.
I spun in my seat, met her eyes. “Christ, no! I’m not some fucking human trafficker trying to buy a fucking baby throughSugar Daddy Match Up.I’ve looked into surrogacy,we’velooked into that.Actualsurrogacy. We could dothat.Thatisn’tthis.Thisisn’tthat.”
“So, what isthis?”
“This is me saying I want a proper family. An actual family, for the long haul. I want to love someone who can love us,bothof us. I want to pick out nursery wallpaper with the mother of my child, I want her to live with us, I want to hold her hand at the birth, I want to go to bed with her every night. I want to watch my baby grow up with her, withus.” I paused. “I want that someone to be you, Katie.”
“And you’ll buy me Jack’s yard if it is?”
I shook my head. “I’ll buy you Jack’s yard because it’s your dream, not because you’ll give me a baby in return.”
“But that’s the hope, right? We swap dreams? You buy me mine, I’ll give you yours?” Her eyes were piercing.
“No. That’s not how I see it. That’s not how I mean it.”
“But that’s how it is. You said a couple of years. That’s for what? Conception, pregnancy, birth… breastfeeding, I guess… then, what? It doesn’t work out? What’s your plan then? I leave the baby with you and Rick? Disappear? Or I end up stuck as a single mother? You swing by every weekend, maybe take it on holiday, buy it a new bike, whatever…”
“I really don’t have it planned out like that.”
“But you haveeverythingplanned out,” she said. “That’s who you are. You must know how the story goes, Carl. You must have known before you even met me. This is why they didn’t work out, right? The others? They didn’t want the baby thing, just the sex?”
“Amongst other things.” I stared at her. “They didn’t work out because they weren’t right.”
“But I am?”
“I hope so.” I smiled, but she didn’t smile back. “Katie, you turned up and you were everything we’d hoped for. More than we hoped for. More thanIhoped for. Maybe with the others… maybe I was more…” I shrugged. “One track minded. Maybe it was less about them and more about the dream… maybe I wanted it beyond all other things. Maybe I wanted it so much it consumed me. Maybe that scared them.”
“And this time?”
Please believe me.“This time it’s about you.Us. This time it’s aboutyourdreams, what you want, what will make you happy. I’ll buy you the yard because Ican, because it’s whatyouwant. Because I want a future, with you and Rick. Because you’re important.”
Her lip trembled. “But I don’t want a baby, Carl. I don’t think I can give you that. I’ve never wanted a baby.”
“I know,” I said, and smiled. “We saw. On your Facebook profile. Some stupid quiz,how many kids will you end up with? Katie Smith, none. Thank fuck for that, you said.I never ever want kids, you said.Horses over babies, always,you said. Rick showed me, printed it out.”
