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I could hear the surprise in his tone. “I love you, too.” He laughed a little. “Even your big fucking blabbermouth.”
“Don’t pretend loving my mouth is a hardship for you, Richard.” I smiled. “We’ll see you later.”
I busied myself with work emails, but my efforts were half-arsed. My motivation was lacking, and my nerves were heightening. An hour turned to two, and two turned to three. The warm evening drew on and still there was no sign of my blue-eyed girl. I just hoped she was alright in there, hoped she was getting the answers so long denied. I’d abandoned both my phone and tablet by the time Katie reappeared, enjoying the last of the sun as twilight closed in. She hovered on the doorstep, exchanging parting words with her mother, and they seemed ok. Smiles. A big hug.
I sat up in my seat, watched her approach the car with my heart in my throat.
She slipped into the passenger seat, and her cheeks were puffy and tear stained, even though her eyes were dry.
“Alright?” I asked.
She nodded. “Let’s go.”
Her mother waved as I pulled the car away, and Katie held up a hand in farewell.
I waited until we were away from her estate before I considered talking, but Katie beat me to it.
She sighed, long and loud, then slumped further into her seat. “My head is fucked,” she announced. “Fried. Totally fried.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “This is my doing.”
“No. It’s not.” She reached out a hand and took mine. “You told me the truth, thank you. I mean, it sucks, but thank you. It seems it’s something I’ve been lacking, people who’ll tell it like it is.”
“Always,” I said. “I’ll always tell you the truth.”
I could feel her eyes on me, even though mine were on the road. “I was a long time. Thanks for waiting.”
I smiled. “I’ll always be waiting if you need me, Katie. That’s another thing you can count on.”
She squeezed my fingers. “I can count onyou,” she said. “And I’m grateful. I’m really grateful.”
“Even though I just triggered the switch that fried your brain?”
“Especiallybecause you just triggered the switch that fried my brain.” She took a breath. “I don’t know what happens now. I mean, what can possibly happen now? What do I do with this stuff? Where do I take it? But at least I get a shot, right? I get a shot to make my own choices, know things for what they really are.” She laughed a strange little laugh. “Shit, Carl, I don’t even know where to start. The whole thing feels crazy. Everything I’ve ever known feels… unsteady.”
I shot her a look, and the urge to stop the car and crush her in my arms threatened to possess me.
“Why don’t you take it from the top? And we can work it out together.”
She nodded, sighed again. Breathed deeply, steadily, her eyes on the road ahead as we left the Much Arlock bypass and turned towards Cheltenham.
And then she took it from the top.
I listened intently while she spoke. Listened to the tale of a young woman who’d been cast aside by the man she’d loved. A young woman who’d been afraid and lonely, fearing the powers that be would deem her an unfit mother because she couldn’t afford the trappings of a more affluent lifestyle. Fearing her baby’s father would take her for his own, and take her away, another dream stolen. One she couldn’t bear to lose.
A young woman who should have told the truth, but didn’t have the courage. A young woman who’d worked hard to give her daughter everything, but couldn’t face opening the can of worms it would take to give her a father.
“I don’t think she’d ever have told me,” Katie said. “If he hadn’t found about me, I mean. I don’t think she’d have ever told him, either.”
“How do you feel about that?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know what I feel. Part of me thinks I should be angry, but I’m not. I mean, I get it, why she was scared, why she lied. I’m sad she did, but I get it.” She paused. “I love my mum so much. She’s everything to me, she’s always been everything to me. She was always there, always seeing the best in me, always trying her hardest. I know she meant the best.”
“And how do you feel about your father?”
She shrugged again. “That’s harder. I just don’t know.” She sighed. “I mean, he’s still a dick. He still left my mum, still fired her. He’s still the guy with the spoiled annoying kids who were really fucking mean to me, he’s still the guy who tried to make me something I wasn’t, tried to shape me into part of his family rather than get to know me as myself.”
“Is there a but in there?”
