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“We need to change topics. Right now.” Iris chortled and sighed.
Just then, Ayanna returned, her face flushed as she clutched her cellphone. Her eyes glossed over, and she sat down, fighting tears. She shoved her phone aside and cradled her head on the table.
“What’s wrong?” Iris asked.
Ayanna said nothing but simply withdrew within herself. Iris snatched the girl’s cellphone and typed in the passcode. Jude was rather impressed that she knew it. Iris apparently kept a tight rein on the young lady.
“What’s going on?” Jude noted the vexed expression on Iris’ face.
“My sister… Lily. Ayanna’s mother…” She snorted, placed the phone down, and began to rub Ayanna’s back as she looked out at the people having fun. “The damn drama never ends. She just can’t stand to let this child have any peace! I’m sick of it!”
“What’d she do? You need me to help with anything?”
“Naw, baby.” Iris shook her head, looking rather disgusted. “Ain’t nothin’ you can do about this. I told Lily when she called me that we were goin’ bowling tonight. That was a mistake, because nine times out of ten, if she knows we’re havin’ a nice time, she’ll try to do something to ruin it. So, she’s sent this child a message just now, probably while she’s been drinking all night with her man of the week, tellin’ her that she must love me more than her since we’re always going out, and maybe she should’ve gotten an abortion since she seems happier with me.”
Everyone drew quiet. It was as if something cold, dead, and ugly had crawled from some hole and touched everyone in its vicinity. Jude waved over a wait staff member and ordered a beer.
“She ain’t gettin’ no mother of the year award, now is she?” he finally broke the silence.
“No, she ain’t, and she don’t care. The focus was never wanting to do right by her child. It was about fighting with me, treatin’ it like some game to see who could win. Once I saw she was neglecting my niece, I had to step in.” Iris kept rubbing the girl’s back, and he now could see she was trying to be careful with what she said, and how she said it. “My sister is messed up in the head, Jude, just like I told you.” Iris turned towards him, pain in her eyes.
The woman had confided in him privately that Lily had stolen from her over the years and mocked her when she found out that her husband had cheated on her—she’d roared with laughter and told Iris she deserved it because she wasn’t home enough, tending to him. Iris went into detail how her husband was a habitual cheater, and it had broken her down to her core. He’d also spent the little money she’d managed to save up to put towards her boutique idea, a dream she’d had since her teenage years. Every damn dime she’d slaved over, working two or three jobs at a time just to build for her future, was gone, and the only thing her husband said about it was,‘We’re married. It was my damn money, too…’
She’d lost her self-worth; the marriage counseling didn’t work, nor did all those extra trips to speak to their pastor. She showed him photos of she and her sister during better times, and also showed him a photo of her holding Ayanna in her arms right after she was born. Iris also admitted once as they curled up together in bed watching a movie, naked as jaybirds under his sheets, that her divorce had been such a dark time in her life, she didn’t think she could ever trust anyone again.
Her ex-husband wasn’t her first taste of a broken heart, and unfortunately, he hadn’t been her last.
Jude had felt compelled to say to her, ‘I can’t promise I’ll never hurt you, Iris. I’m a man. I ain’t perfect. That’s not realistic when folks tell their loved ones they’ll never hurt ’em. The best of friends will have a fight at least every blue moon, and I don’t want to tell you an outright lie, but I can promise you, baby, from the bottom of my heart, that I wouldn’t ever intentionally try to make you blue. You ain’t got to worry about me runnin’ around on you, either. I ain’t gonna say I’ve never cheated on nobody, but usually, I just call it quits before it even gets that far. Plus, I love you, so this is different. I wouldn’t want you doin’ that sort of thing to me, ’specially as possessive as I can be when I love a woman, and so I damn sure won’t do it to you.’She’d seemed relieved to hear those words, but he was determined to follow it all up with action. The last thing she needed was another blow.
What a strong woman she was. The problem was, she’d built all of that emotional strength from trauma. That type of strength wasn’t natural. It wasn’t how the Good Lord intended it. He planned to bend low so she could take a rest and lean on him. His heart swelled with love for her. He thanked the waiter who brought his beer and took a sip.That’s the thing though. Women shouldn’t have to be strong all the time. They should be allowed to just BE… They weren’t created to be tough all the fuckin’ time. That’s a man’s role, and I’m the man for the job…
Considering some of the things poor Iris had gone through, he was certain that if the shoe would’ve been on the other foot, they’d have broken down the strongest of men, reducing them to dust. And yet, she still managed to see the glass of the world as half full. The hustling part of him, had he not been serious about getting a handle on the new direction of his life, would have used her vulnerability to his advantage. Even when he loved someone, he had a hard time not manipulating them in some way to do his bidding—whether sexually or in another way. It had taken Eli to point that out to him several years ago…
“Jeeeewd, you… use… peep- pole. You… smile… charm… them…then… lie.’
“I don’t lie to nobody, Eli. I’m upfront. Now, I might not tell all my damn business, and you’d benefit from not runnin’ off at the mouth so much, too. Sometimes, you’re too honest, Eli. I’ve told you that you need to develop a filter. That’s why you can’t keep a woman, ’cause you see it as you being honest, but you go around hurtin’ women’s feelings. I’m charmin’, naturally, and if I can use it to my benefit, then so be it.”
“No… weee are… not… tawk-king… uh…bout, me. Yooou lie… Jeeewd, when you… play… with… the woman’s… mind. Yooou… do it… on… purp…ose. I… hear… you. I been… with… you when… you dooo it. You like… it. You… ig…nore… them… after… you uuuse them….”
“Eli, you don’t understand relationships. You can’t have a relationship like most other people because of your limitations, so you don’t understand that this is just how it is.”
“I… am… hon-nest… be…cause… hon…est…ty, is good. I… don’t… have… to be… nor…mal… to… under…stand, Jeeewd. I… under…stand… love. I… under…stand… huuuurt. Yooou get… lots of… women…Yooou… have… mon…ney… you… are… feared… Peep-pole, are… scared… of… you… You… like… the…pow-wer… beee…cause… you… were… hurt… as… a… child. Liiike me… But… you… won’t… grow… up. You… keeeep… play-ing…with… women’s… minds…and… you… play… with… their… heaaarts. They’re…not…hav…ing… fun… though, Jeeewd… You… hurt… lay-deeze… You… like… their…pain…’cause… it… helps… you for-get… a-bout… your… own…”
Jude had never forgotten that shit.
In fact, it had haunted him for a mighty long time. That was when he’d begun to think of his life, and his world, differently. He’d even told Cain that he was going to have to come up with something, so he could leave the game. Cain blew him off, not taking him seriously. The more time he spent with Eli though, the more self-conscious he became. In fact, he felt he didn’t have the same level of morality or ethics that Eli had at all until they were both adults, and he was around him more often. Eli had become his teacher and conscience, dug inside him and found his soul. Eli reminded him of who he’d been when he was still innocent. Still a child, runnin’ around in his Underoos, happy as could be. Free—with his family…
When Iris laid her troubles before him, while they cuddled in the afterglow of their lovemaking, she had no idea how he admired her so. How he now was giving himself permission to fall deeper in love with her. Eli would call him and tell him how wonderful she was, but he already knew that. She was the real deal. A woman who gave a damn about someone other than herself. It was a bonus that she was absolutely stunning, and had ambition, too. Sometimes, he’d even offer her money, and she’d refuse. He’d leave it anyway, tucked away somewhere, then text her later to let her know it was there. All of this reminded him that not everyone in this world was out to destroy others.
Family was important to him, and that kind of betrayal she’d experienced at the hands of her ex-husband and sister, he certainly wouldn’t have been able to take in stride. He had no damn idea what was wrong with this Lily person. He vaguely recalled her when he was in that courthouse for his brother and had seen Ayanna’s custody hearing, but Lily was a prime example of sometimes blood being your worst enemy. In fact, blood could poison you from the inside out.
“Liiift… your… head… up,” Eli stated loudly, still playing with his game. Ayanna slowly rose and peered at him. “I-risss, is… your… mom-me, now. You’re luck-key. Your moth-thur… does…not…deeeserve…you. Thaaat woman… is… baaad.” He held up a finger as his brows bunched, then focused back on his game. “Sheee wins… if… you… let… her. Have… fun. Tonight. It was… nice… meet-ting… you… Ahhh… yawn… nuh. I waaant… to… play… chess… with… you.”
The young girl smiled first, then laughed. “Thank you, Eli. It was nice meeting you, too. I’d love to play chess with you.”
Jude winked at Iris, who was staring at Eli as if he were the sun, the rain, and the rainbow in between.
This is what the hell I want… more days just like this. Good times. Fun. Peace. Family. Friends. I want all of it. The American dream. My nice house, but now, with more than just friends and my crew in there. I want a family… MY family. The one I make with my wife. The family that was stolen from me when I was far too young. I didn’t get to walk across a stage while my parents cheered for my high school graduation. Mama and Daddy were dead and gone. I had an uncle kickin’ our asses, then a grandma who was tryin’ her best. I was trying to survive in the foster-care system.
