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Some of the shit that happened to me and Cain in there messed us up. Some stuff, I’m takin’ to my grave. All sorts of bad shit happens to children in this world, especially when they lose their parents. I don’t believe God goes around punishin’ folk with a life of poverty and abuse, and blessin’ others who don’t deserve it. That don’t make no sense.
Why would He let us suffer like that and give millions of dollars to people who are already billionaires? That ain’t even logical. Somebody been lyin’ to us. That’s not how this works. Iris once said to me that she thinks God makes us, and then it’s up to us to do the right or wrong thing, and that karma and God can both exist at the same time. She said in fact, she thinks God invented karma, so that whatever shit we do out here in this world will come back to us, and if we do good, that’ll come back, too. I don’t know, but I know God exists. He has to exist, because somehow, I’m still alive, after all I’ve been through…
The two women were in the throes of laughing their heads off as they stood over Eli, telling him to watch out for the space monsters, and trying to trip him up. Eli was smiling from ear to ear in spite of it all. Usually, he didn’t like people bothering him when he played his games, but he had a special spot in his heart for Iris, and he figured soon, he’d have one for Ayanna, too.
Ayanna is lucky to have Iris. Me and Cain didn’t have nobody. By the time Grandma got us, our already decimated worlds were nothin’ but rubble. We’d been broken. This right here is what I need… But I gotta be able to protect the people I bring into my circle. Change is hard, but change has to come. That’s what a man does, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do to make sure Iris feels safe, Ayanna has stability, and Eli will never have to wonder if he’s loved and cared for.
Love doesn’t come without a price. One way or another, we’re going to pay by either getting out of our own way, giving ourselves away, or changin’ our ways. Nothing worth having is free or easy. That’s why people cherish what’s expensive and rare…
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Eat, Drink and Be Wary
You can bethe whole damn package, but end up on the wrong doorstep. That’s what happened with me and Bennet. It’s funny. I figured if I ever saw him again, I’d feel sad, possibly angry, maybe even go the other direction, but it’s not like that at all. I feel nothin’ at all for the man. I’m numb and have no temperature risin’, no knots in my stomach, no headache, heartache, or heart palpitations. And to think I almost took pills to take myself outta here because of that man. I don’t care anymore. I figure that’s a good thing, but at the same time, not carrying anymore of that pain releases me from one prison, but casts me in another.
For this means I’m used to that ache. It means, I don’t love him enough anymore to hate him, and I don’t hate him enough to care. The million-dollar question is…What the hell is he doing here at this party in my friend’s apartment?
Well, it wastheirfriend—that was the problem with having connections in the same circle. Sooner or later, she had to bump into the son of a bitch again. Tonight was apparently the moment when things officially went bump in the night.
Iris ignored her ex-husband who was flitting around like some annoying big-beaked bird one second, then melding into the crowd, flashing a toothy smile as he clutched a wine cooler with a beringed hand. He then laughed in that all-too-familiar dramatic way of his, seeking to be the center of attention. He was showboating in his designer jeans, blue and black striped hoodie, and a thick gold chain around his neck.
He stole glances at her when he thought she wasn’t looking, and there was no doubt in her mind, he’d find an excuse to part those lips of his and speak nothing but lies. If lying were a foreign language, Bennet would be considered the top of the tier—fluent from A to Z.
Sitting on her friend’s rickety stool, somewhat held together with electrical tape, she stirred her strawberry daiquiri that some hired bartender had made her. The haze of weed and incense smoke filled the room, which was illuminated by white candles all around. ‘Yaku’, by Zap Mama, was playing, and everyone seemed to be having fun. Tables were laden with pretzels, chips, and other snacks, and the scent of fried pork chops, okra, corn on the cob and baked chicken mixed in with the scent of marijuana, creating a heady, but comforting, aroma she was quite used to from her youth. It had been a long time since she’d had a night out, and it was Lashanda’s birthday, a childhood friend she’d remained close to.
She’d made the trip back to Memphis for the special event, Aunt Blue having offered to keep Ayanna company for the night. Now, the party was coming to an end and she was tuckered out, so she weighed whether to stay the rest of the night or drive back home right away.
“Hey, Iris! You look good, baby!”
“Hey, girl! So do you! You stay outta trouble now,” she teased as she waved to Donna, another girl she’d gone to high school with. She’d spent the majority of the night catching up with people she’d barely known, but she’d had a great time. The only thing she didn’t care for, was a certain line of questioning. She avoided inquiries tossed her way in regard to the whereabouts of Lily. That was personal family business, and she had no desire to broadcast it. Glancing at her new watch, a gift from Jude, she noted the time, making a mental note to head out after the birthday girl opened her presents. More friends walked up to her, and she happily engaged in a game of catch-up, but it was hard to not think about Ayanna, Aunt Blue, Eli, and Jude. The four of them brought so many smiles to her face. The more she thought about them, the more anxious she became to head back home as soon as possible. Alexander O’Neal’s old classic, ‘If You Were Here Tonight,’ started to play—once a favorite of her mother’s.
Her cellphone buzzed and she grabbed it from her purse to see a text from Lark.
Lark:Hi. What are you up to?
Iris:At a party. What’s up?
Lark:Can you come get me and the kids? Tom is drunk and acting crazy.
Iris:Girl, I’m all the way in Memphis. Call an Uber.
Lark:I don’t have any money for an Uber.
Iris:Are you going to a hotel?
Lark:No. My mother’s house. My sister will be here next week.
Iris:I will cash app you some money for an Uber.
Lark:OMG thank you Iris!
Iris:You’re welcome.
Iris immediately sent the girl some money to get her and the kids to her mother’s house. Forty dollars should cover it, seeing as she lived only ten minutes away from the lady. Besides, she had it to spare. Jude kept sending her money every week, saying she and Ayanna needed to get out more and do things together. Telling him she was watching pennies was a mistake, for before she knew it, she’d see an influx of thousands of dollars in her Cash App account. No doubt he’d gotten her account information after she’d told him she used it to receive payments for sales of her homemade scarfs.
Regardless, the money was there to help others now, too, as far as she was concerned. Jude didn’t seem to care for Lark. He didn’t outright admit this, but she could just sense it. She wouldn’t call it a dislike, and he was never rude to her, but he avoided the woman when he’d come to her job. Lark seemed to notice, too, for she’d as much as said it:Your boyfriend doesn’t like me.
Iris had told her he didn’t know her enough to feel this way, but it was all words to make her feel better. Jude and Eli were alike that way. If they weren’t feeling someone, they pretended the person wasn’t there. That cold shoulder of theirs could give one the chills and cut to the quick!
