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“Iris, right now, I am trying to handle somethin’ so Cain can stop looking over his shoulder, and Eli doesn’t have to keep secrets about him, me, and Cain no more.”
He briefly closed his eyes, a headache mounting and bones aching. It was as if he’d climbed a mountain, but the air at the top was so thin, he was certain to pass out. He couldn’t recall the last time he’d talked about Eli’s situation in such depth, and he damn sure hadn’t told anyone about Cain being the cause of it all. But Iris deserved the truth. All of it.
“When I saw you at the courthouse that day, I thought to myself, ‘I wish somebody had wanted me, Eli, and Cain, the way you wanted Ayanna.” He swiped at another tear on his face. “I saw how much you loved that girl. The chamber door was open so while I was taking a break, sitting out there on that bench, I could see this beautiful Black woman, dressed in a black pantsuit, looking distinguished and gorgeous, and she told that magistrate that she loved her sister something fierce, and that the woman had a right to make her own choices. Then you said, ‘But she don’t have the right to take this baby down with her…’”
Iris regarded him with such love, it warmed him all over.
“That was you. And then you cried. Your sister cursed you out in that room and had to be escorted outside, and you were beside yourself. You got custody of that little girl, and her life changed for the better. Now, she can be somebody. Now, she’s got a fighting chance.” He shook his head. “But that same day, my brother had just been sentenced to life in prison. I’d lost my best friend. He deserved to be punished for what he’d done, but there were special circumstances. He should’ve been loved on and cared for before that happened. He should’ve been told that he was somebody special…
“Didn’t nobody take a chance on us. Didn’t nobody want us, baby. I had wished somebody besides Mama and Daddy had loved us, like you loved your niece. Ain’t nobody want no Cooper boys, Iris, but Daddy and Mama. That’s it. We’d be a burden, a liability and a financial drain, and after Eli’s accident, they said nobody was willing to take in no retard, on top of it all. That’s what they called him behind his back. There was only enough money in my parents’ bank account to cover a simple funeral service for both of ’em and pay some of grandma’s old medical bills. Daddy had paid a lot of those off, too, but we ain’t know until he was dead.”
“Seems like money helpedandruined your family. All at the same time.”
“Baby, it wasn’t the money. It was the greed… All the cash did is remove the veil of deception. Let cha see who folks really were beneath the veneer… Eventually, people gave up tryna find the money, and figured my father had burned it up or buried it somewhere believing he was going to get caught. That meant us kids were useless, too. I eventually found my calling, baby…” He smiled sadly. “I found somethin’ I was good at. I was important. One of the local dealers started callin’ me the Judge, ’cause other dealers were comin’ to me for advice. They even wanted my help with settling disputes for I had the reputation of being impartial, and fair. I found that funny, but come to find out, it was true. I knew how to make money, and lots of it, as well as protect what was mine. People wanted me. I wasfinallysomebody…”
Iris stroked his cheek as tears streaked her face.
“Jude, youaresomebody. You was always somebody! Youarepowerful… youareimportant… and sellin’ that shit ain’t got nothin’ to do with it. You could sell air, and people would still flock to you. You got this enchantment about you. It’s in your smile, the light and darkness of your eyes, and the way you move. It’s born to you! You own it. God gave it to you. You don’t even care about dealing with that mess anymore. I saw it in your eyes, before you even told me you were leaving the game. You want the money, but the other shit doesn’t please you. You’re powerful and important because of how you handle life’s rough patches, how you love hard on your brothers and nephew, and whether you want to admit it or not, you care about people!”
He looked away, and she made him face her.
“You even care about these damn addicts runnin’ ’round here like zombies. You see them as people! Somebody’s child! Mama or daddy! Sister or brother! The world done counted them out! Labeled and judged them. Like they did me, and the rest of the world. I look at somebody, and somethin’ inside of me tells me, ‘I’m better than you.’ I think that’s a shame. I never knew that about myself ’til I met you and Eli. Lark even told me one time that I act like she’s stupid. I ’spose I do.” She hung her head for a spell.
“You care. You don’t want to sell them no tainted shit, somethin’ that’ll bring them a bit closer to meeting their maker. It ain’t no excuse for what you’ve been doing, but hell, it counts. You told yourself that you do it to keep your clients coming back for more. A dead addict can’t pay you, and all of that’s true, but I got yo’ number, boy. You also do it because you want them to wake up the next mornin’! Live another day. A new chance at life. You understand addiction and hurt because of your father’s drinkin’, and Cain’s battle with it, too. That makes you humble, and human. Even after all the shit you been through, you aren’t heartless! You could’ve turned out like your father, or Cain, but instead, you tried to do it differently. I realized some time ago that you are special. You reminded me of my daddy, determined to take care of your family, and the hell with what anyone else thought about it. The ghosts in the old farmhouse haunted not just me, but you too, but you would do anything to protect your family from them. Your ghosts are the past. They’ve been tryna tell you that you can’t be nothin’ in this world but a drug dealer. Your worth ain’t in that life! It’s in your heart! You’re not the devil. You’re Jude, the judge. People respect you because you’re true to yourself. No matter what judgment people put in the atmosphere about you, including me, youarethe damn Judge, in the truest sense. You know who you are, and your purpose in life. You’re clever, and there’s magic all around you. You’re Angel and Johnny Cooper’s middle son, Cain and Eli’s brother, Pete’s favorite uncle, and my man. That makes you commanding and significant as all get out.”
At that, he took her in his arms and kissed her with all of his might.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Live and Learn
Iris parted Mama’ssalt and pepper shoulder length hair down the middle, then started the process of braiding it. Meanwhile, Mama watched, transfixed, an old episode of ‘Diff’rent Strokes’ on her television. A jar of green Dax pomade with lanolin sat on the TV tray beside her.
She squeezed a dollop of the grease on her fingertips and gently oiled Mama’s scalp. Thoughts of her conversation with Eli weaved through her mind until they formed a whole basket, carrying worries and tilted dreams, threatening to topple and expose her greatest wishes.
“Mama.”
“Mmm hmm.”
“I’m in love.”
The woman clutched her housecoat, her hand covered in prominent veins from years of sewing. A wedding band gleamed on her finger.
“You’re in love, baby? Well, that’s real nice.”
She could tell Mama was smiling from how her cheeks plumped. But what was she holding back? Was there something else she wished to say? Mama’s hand tightened on the fabric of her housecoat.
“Would you like to know about the man in my life?”
She continued to braid her mother’s hair as she waited for an answer.
“Yes. What’s his name?”
“His name is Jude. Jude Cooper. He owns a distillery. A beer makin’ company. He’s funny… handsome. An entrepreneur. Real good to me, and Ayanna likes him, too.”
“How’d you two meet?” Mama asked as she grabbed her glass of ice water. The chunks made a tinkling sound as she brought the drink to her mouth.
“He comes in my store many times. He’s got a younger brother who had an accident that affects how he speaks and how he can get on in the world. I spend time with him… break up the loneliness of life, for both of us. I like him. He’s has a real good heart.”
