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“Cun…cun…cun-uh-ling-us… Candi. Mmmm… I… like… lick-king… your… vagina… You taste like grapes…”
“Do I?”
“Yes. The red ones… not… the green… ones. The green… ones… are… a little sour. You… want me… to stick… my penis… in… you? I’m good at… it. I can make you feel… real good. I have… condoms.”
“Yes… I’d like that. Can I see it, Eli?”
“The… condom?”
“No, silly!” She laughed. “Your dick!”
Some rustling about ensued.
“Oh, Eli. WOW! You’re a big boy!”
…And there it was. That goofy laugh of his again. Moans and groans, sighs of ecstasy ensued. A squeaky mattress soon followed… *squeak *squeak*squeak!
“Eli! Eli! Oh my gosh!”
“It… feels… good!” Eli yelled. “You… ev-er… have… an… orgasm, Candi, from… inter…course?”
“No.”
*squeak *squeak*squeak!
“I… can change… that. You… will… todaaay!”
Well, I’ll be damned! And he’s hardly havin’ any trouble talkin’, either. Funny how all the words come out right when it’s time to give the business. Iris said he barely stutters or trips over his words when they play chess. She said she figured it was because he feels in his element, and she’s right. He’s the same way when he and I play. Well, he must feel in his element right now, too! This motherfucker ain’t bored at all. He’s havin’ snack time all right!
Jude tiptoed away and headed back to his bedroom on the other side of the house. Iris was now sitting cross-legged, doing major damage to the popcorn bowl. Her eyes were fixated on the television screen.
“Baby! You missed the best part! He came back in the house and caught them together!” she exclaimed.
“…Yeah, I know how he feels.”
“Huh?”
“Oh, nothin’. Eli and Candi are busy. Let’s watch another flick when this is over.”
“Oh… well, all right. It’s almost finished. What do you want to watch?”
“What’s eating Gilbert Grape.”The red ones, ’cause see, the green ones are a little sour.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
The Best Laid Plans
This can’t beright…
Iris sat on Aunt Blue’s couch, looking at her phone, doing the math in her head. Tracing the calendar in her mind. She’d been to see Dr. Kiefer that morning, and Aunt Blue had tagged along. The proof had been submitted, and the weather channel showed there was a hundred percent chance of shock and surprise.
“I’m so glad y’all not havin’ the wedding in Memphis.” Aunt Blue went on and on about what she’d be wearing to the grand event, as if there was no true crisis going on.
“Auntie, I don’t care about no dresses right now. Help me!”
“Help you, what?” She guffawed. “Girl, I can’t wave no magic wand and get you un-pregnant!” she exclaimed, following with her notorious cackle.
“How can this be? I was on Depo! I ain’t never had no accidental pregnancy. I’ve always been real careful!”
