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I drove for two days, sustaining myself on gas station food and pulling into parking lots along the way to rest. I didn’t want to stop. I just wanted to get there, and after seventeen hours, I finally did.
“Hello?” Birdie answered the other end of the line.
“I’m here,” I said.
There was a slight pause before she responded. “Here, where?”
“Seattle.”
“You drove to Seattle?” she squeaked.
“Yes.”
“Oh, God… Gyps.” She sounded distraught, and I couldn’t figure out why.
“Where are you?” I asked.
“I’m… well, I’m still in Las Vegas, actually.”
“What do you mean?” I demanded. “I came here to see you.”
“I’m so sorry,” Birdie said. “I didn’t know you were just going to… drive up there. I would have told you.”
“Told me what?”
She sighed, and it sounded heavy. “I haven’t exactly been honest with you. I’m still in Vegas.”
She waited for my reply, but I was too exhausted to be angry, and that was how she knew something was wrong.
“What’s going on?” she asked. “Are you okay?”
It broke me to admit that I wasn’t. Birdie had always seen me as the strong one. The protector. The warrior. But right now, I needed someone to be that for me.
“No, I’m not.” I closed my eyes. “Lucian won’t get treatment. I tried. I tried so hard, Birdie, but he won’t.”
There was a small sniffle from the other end of the line. “I’m flying up there today. We can drive back together.”
“No,” I told her. “I’m too tired. I just want to…”
I didn’t know what I wanted. This whole trip had been a wasted effort. I thought I could run away and pretend my problems didn’t exist the way that I used to, but I had changed. And I was done running. “I just want to come back and see Lucian. I’ll get a flight from here.”
“What about your car?” she asked.
“I’ll figure that out later.”
“Ace could come pick it up later,” she offered. “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”
I nodded even though she couldn’t see me.
“Two o’clock,” Birdie said. “I just booked you a flight. I’ll text you the details.”
I didn’t know when, but somewhere during the span of the past six months, my sister had suddenly grown up.
“Thank you, B. I’ll see you soon.”
LUCIAN’S PHONE WENT STRAIGHT TO voicemail, and guilt threatened to suffocate me as I left him a shaky message.
“Hi.” Pause. “It’s me.” Pause. “I just… I just wanted you to know that I’m on my way back. I miss you, and…” Pause. “I love you. I wish I’d told you that before. Maybe that would have changed your mind.”
My eyes watered, but I tried to hold it together as the passenger next to me on the flight looked my way. “Anyway, I’ll be there in a few hours, okay? I’ll see you soon.”
The flight attendant gave me a pointed look before reminding all passengers phones must be in flight mode as we prepared for takeoff. I settled into my seat and looked out the window, hoping to find a new way to broach the subject of Lucian’s cancer when I returned.
But all that found me was sleep.
Birdie was already waiting for me at the curb, and that was my first indication that something wasn’t right.
Birdie was always late.
Always.
But this time, she was here, and she wasn’t alone. Beside her car, Ace waited for me, his face drawn as I approached. I didn’t even look at my sister. My stomach was roiling, and I couldn’t get that sick feeling to go away.
“What is it?” I demanded.
“Let’s talk about it in the car,” Birdie pleaded.
I glared at Ace, and I wanted to shake him. He wouldn’t look at me. He wouldn’t make eye contact. He was staring at the ground, and my heart was shattering into a million pieces already.
“Tell me.” The words came out on a sob, and it surprised all of us. Inside, I already knew, but I didn’t want it to be real. I wanted to rewind three days and do it all over again because this couldn’t be happening.
“He’s okay,” I said. “He was fine. He was in the hospital when I left, but he’s fine. He’s strong, and there’s still plenty of time to change his mind.”
“Gypsy, he’s gone.”
There was such a sense of finality to Ace’s words that I couldn’t process them. I kept shaking my head, and words wouldn’t come out. I didn’t feel it, but at some point, I must have collapsed because Ace caught me in his arms and loaded me into the back of the car with Birdie. She held me while he drove, and I sobbed so hard it felt like my ribs were breaking.
“He can’t be gone,” I told Birdie. “You have to take me to the hospital. There’s still time.”
“There isn’t,” Birdie said through teary eyes. “I’m so sorry, Gypsy. He passed away last night, but I didn’t know until this morning.”
