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“Be good,” he whispered. “Don’t make the monster come out to play.”
I stared up into cocoa eyes so filled with torment, I couldn’t believe him. He wanted me to be stronger than he was. He wanted me to say no and push him away. He was huge, and fierce, and dominant, and he overpowered me with little effort, but I felt something with him I hadn’t ever felt with another man.
I trusted that he wouldn’t hurt me, and maybe that was a mistake. Lucian was a lot of things that I didn’t like, but he was also a protector. An alpha. A guardian. And right then, he was a lover too.
His hips rolled forward, and my eyes rolled back. I was soaked for him. Our bodies still sticky with soap, our skin filled with goose bumps. He kissed me like he owned me and fucked me like he couldn’t live without me.
“This pussy is mine now,” he groaned. “I can’t stop, pet. I was lying when I said I could.”
“I know,” I whispered.
He kissed me and pulled my legs around him, fucking me into the tile floor. It went on forever, and every time he got close, he stopped to finger my clit. I came twice before he finally buried himself inside me and unleashed his monster with a roar. Hot come flooded my womb and warmed my body.
He collapsed with his dick still inside me and rolled me over so that I was lying against him, his hand coming to rest on my spine as his other arm wrapped around me possessively. For several minutes, we just laid there like that. Though my anger hadn’t faded, my racing heart eventually calmed, and my breathing returned to normal.
“It wasn’t intentional.” Lucian broke the silence between us. “The first time it happened, you had arrived long after the priest had left. You were unaware of how confession worked.”
“No.” I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block him out, but it was in vain.
“I was kneeling in one of the pews, and you didn’t see me. For a long time, you just stood outside the booth, trying to work up the courage to go in. You looked so… tormented. When you finally took that step, I couldn’t let you sit in there alone, waiting for someone who would never come.”
“So you betrayed my trust?” I grated.
“Yes.” He dipped his face to breathe me in as he spoke. “I did. And I did it three more times when you came back. For weeks, I went to that church every night waiting for you. It became an obsession. I knew it was wrong, and I needed to stop. That’s why I told Father Hawk about you. It’s why he waits for you now on his own.”
“He should have told me,” I whispered. “That isn’t right.”
“He doesn’t know the extent of it,” Lucian admitted. “I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the truth. He only knows that you needed him.”
“I don’t need anybody.” Even as I said it, the words felt like a lie. I was cocooned in Lucian’s arms, safe from the world outside, and I should have wanted to move, but I didn’t.
He kissed my forehead. “You need me, pet. At least for a little while.”
“FORGIVE ME, FATHER, FOR I have sinned.”
“Hello,” the voice from the other side of the booth spoke softly.
“Hi,” I whispered back.
There was a small thread of silence between these spaces that he always took the initiative to break. “Tell me what brings you here this evening.”
My fingers beat a nervous rhythm against the worn wood bench. “I’ve been thinking about some things.”
“Such as?”
I closed my eyes. “Mostly, my sister.”
“It seems she’s in your thoughts often. You must worry about her.”
“Yes, I do. But also… there is some guilt.”
“Tell me,” he encouraged. “What do you have to be guilty for?”
I recalled Birdie’s face, smeared with chocolate. Happy and innocent, the way she used to be before I fucked everything up. Tears burned my eyes, but I wouldn’t let them spill.
“There were so many times when I was younger that I harbored bitterness because I loved her so much. When those men would come to visit me… all I wanted to do was run away. But that’s how Ricky kept me. He used her as leverage because he knew I’d never leave her. It didn’t matter if I lived or died, but it mattered if she did. I loved her too much, and sometimes, I think I hated her for that.”
The urge to retch clawed at my throat as the words spilled from my lips. It was the first time I’d ever spoken them aloud. It was the first time I’d ever truly admitted what a horrible person I was. Part of me hoped the priest would agree, giving me the confirmation of what I always believed was true.
