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So, I did. I massaged him until my hands started to cramp, and even then, I kept going. But I wanted to do more to relieve his tension. He’d been avoiding physical contact between us, either from his own guilt or exhaustion, and I missed that intimacy between us.
There was one thing I still hadn’t done for Lucian. He’d never asked, and I never offered because when this started, I wasn’t in the habit of giving up my power. But right now, it was exactly what I wanted.
I needed to kneel before him and worship him the way he worshipped his God. I needed to feel the push and pull of his doubts and his desires, followed by the inevitable caving in to temptation. There was never any moment more powerful than when I felt him succumb to me. When he’d forsaken his values and dived headlong into the sins of my flesh.
I dragged my fingers through his hair and bent to kiss his throat. He hummed a sound of approval that vibrated against my lips and stirred the devil inside me. His dick was solid and heavy, already straining against the black material of his trousers when I walked around to face him. I kneeled between his parted legs, and he reached down to touch my hair, petting it beneath the palm of his hand while he watched me.
“You are so goddamned beautiful, Gypsy,” he murmured. “If I could remember you like this… just like this… I could die a happy man right now.”
My lips tilted up at the corners as I fondled his throbbing cock beneath the material. “You don’t have to remember it. I’m right here.”
A fleeting sadness passed over his features, and I latched onto it. At that moment, I wondered if he regretted his decision to send me away. I told myself there was hope. If he was sad, then it meant things could change. He could still realize he didn’t ever have to let me go.
I wanted to tell him, but the words wouldn’t come. It was difficult for me to express my emotions, and I often found I was better at showing them. That was my exact intention when I unzipped his pants and drew out his swollen flesh.
He was so hard it felt like it would be painful, and the fat head of his dick was already dripping his arousal. I squeezed the clear liquid from the tip and sopped it up with my tongue. Lucian jolted with an agonized grunt, strangling the sides of his chair as his entire body shuddered.
It entered my mind that this was probably testing the limits of his self-control. He wasn’t the kind of man to sit back and simply receive a blowjob. He was the kind of man who wanted to grab my hair and fuck my mouth.
When I looked up into his eyes, I wanted to be that for him, but I knew I couldn’t. This was as far as my submission went. I couldn’t let him tie me up and whip me or torture me. I couldn’t. And I wondered if he needed that.
I hated that I was even thinking about it. I hated that when I drew his cock into my mouth and he groaned, I wondered if it was good enough. So many doubts flooded my mind, and I didn’t know how to process them. When I never cared, I didn’t have to worry about these things.
But now I did.
I teased the head of his dick with my tongue. He grunted and tangled his fingers in my hair, straining to keep himself in check.
“Use me,” I whispered.
He forced my chin up and touched my face reverently. “You want to be my pet?”
I nodded.
“What if I told you I respect you too much to do that?”
“Then I wouldn’t believe you.”
His eyes chased over my features, seeking out my reasons. I didn’t know why I wanted it. Maybe it would make me hate him. Maybe it would settle this once and for all and cure me of these insufferable feelings I didn’t understand and could barely tolerate.
Lucian’s fingers wrapped around the rosary necklace he’d given me, and he used it to drag me back toward his cock. It was so tight, the tension in my throat triggered an adrenaline response. I trusted him, but I was nervous. Giving up my power wasn’t an easy task, and he had to know it.
“Do you want to know what I think, pet?” He rubbed the head of his cock against my lips, smearing the liquid that had gathered there onto my tongue.
I tried to shake my head, but it didn’t move. He smiled, and it was dark. Filled with promise of what I claimed to want from him. Without warning, he used his grip on the back of my head to shove himself into my mouth until I gagged.
