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I hated that it was something to look forward to. If nothing else but to change the scenery.
When I was able to fall asleep, I was back in the parking lot darting through cars with footsteps ever gaining. No matter how hard I pushed myself, my feet pounding against the blacktop, I couldn’t outrun whatever was chasing me until finally I woke up in a cold sweat, the same spot on my head a throbbing reminder. It was a loop— both dream and reality inescapable.
Instead, I focused on every minute detail of my interactions with Yuri, deconstructing them until I came to several conclusions.
First, the cell was located underground. I remembered the way he told the man on the phone he needed him down here and it made sense. The garage had seemed to set etched into a bit of a hill and with the coolness of the concrete, the near silence even in the hallway, and the inherent creepiness of keeping a dungeon underground— it just made sense.
Second, Yuri regarded himself as some kind of merciful captor. It was laughable, really. But if I told myself I felt safer with Denis or Matteo, I would be lying through my teeth. I hated to admit it but he definitely seemed like the sanest option at least until I remembered his hard length pressed against my back and the way his fingers lingered on my skin at every chance. His body deceived him. For as much as he wanted to seem like he didn’t give a shit about me, he wanted me.
I’d put it to the test and the lust rolled off him like pheromones.
But then, after I’d played my trick on him, to show him just how much he wasn’t in control, my father’s words came to mind.You do whatever you need to in order to survive. Even if… they were etched in my head. Surely, he didn’t mean…I shook away the thought.
Because third, and most shocking, was something I decided not to even admit in my own head. Flicking through the images of Yuri, pressed firmly against me, his hands all over my body— it should have sickened me. I should have been nauseated like I was by his stocky henchman. Instead, I felt something different entirely. Something that made shame bloom in my deepest parts.
The beeping of the cell door jolted me out of my own head and ripped my body from whatever reactions it might have been having. As soon as the door opened, his clean scent filled the room and I didn’t need to raise my eyes to know it was Yuri.
He carried another large tray and just the sight of it surged the pains in my belly. I squeezed my fist to will the hunger away but after three whole days of not a single morsel, my self-control was beginning to slip. He bent and laid the tray down near the door before his eyes flicked to mine.
My heart leaped in my chest. His darkened eyes looked me up and down before settling on my lips. I felt the flush creeping across my cheeks and looked away, hoping he saw fear instead of whatever the hell I was really feeling. I’d rather he think I trembled in his presence from terror and not from the ache between my legs.
Yuri’s eyes narrowed at my hands as he pulled a sheet of paper out from under the tray. “You’re going to write a letter.”
He tossed a pen in my direction and slid the sheet across the dirty ground before me.
“We already called him, I think he got the message.” Annoyance laced my voice, I was about done bending to his whim. The call was torture enough.
“Not to him,” he bent until his eyes were even with mine, “to your mother.”
Confused, I shook my head.
“You will tell her that you decided to leave. You weren’t happy in McAllen and you needed a fresh start.” He pressed the sheet closer to me until the edge of it rippled against my jeans. A chill crept through the air until I trembled and wrapped my arms around myself. I knew exactly what he was trying to say, understanding hitting me like a brick wall. “That you love her but…”
“But that she’ll never see me again,” I whispered.
With a nod, he confirmed the sinking feeling, the weight that pressed down on my shoulders. I still hadn’t come to terms with the fact that my father was the reason for all this, that somehow I had gotten caught up in my father’s political blowback. For some reason, people like Yuri, criminals, always saw men like my father as obstacles to their success. It was laughable— pushing blame on public officials for trying to uphold justice, uphold the law. Did I think my father was perfect? Hell no. And if I was honest, he deserved to worry about his daughter a little. God knows he skimped on his paternal responsibilities after I turned eight.
But with my mother, it was… complicated.
I bent and shoved the sheet away from me, watching it catch air before settling against the floor again. “No.”
“Something told me you were going to refuse.” He stepped away, turning his back to me. “You have two options.”
I swallowed hard, waiting for the next shoe to drop. It was another show, just like the one he’d put on with Eric. As if there was really a choice. I just had to pick the least horrible option.
“You write the letter,” he turned and lifted his chin, not an ounce of emotion on his face. His hand slipped below his jacket until he pulled out a familiar knife and I sucked in a breath. He twirled it in his palms, feeling the weight of the hilt before speaking. “Or we kill her.”
They needed me alive, not my mother. The room faded away until all I could see was the glint of light reflecting off the blade between his fingers. He stroked the cool steel like a lover, sliding down the spine of it lazily and letting his words choke me.
I believed he would do it. If not him, he would give the order. There was no question that Yuri was in charge around here and where I was important to his sick and twisted plan, my mother was expendable.
Moisture pooled in my eyes and my vision blurred. I blinked over and over to will the tears away. He was slowly chipping away at everything I had. She was my only hope, my only chance that someone noticed I wasn’t in my bed at night or answering my phone. I hoped that after a few days, she would notice how quiet the house was or the lack of groceries in the fridge and grow concerned. Maybe if the realization caught her at the right time, she’d be moved to actually file a police report like any normal, doting mother would do. That even in the self-numbed state she busied herself into, she would find a way to reach out and yank me from the cell. It was still a longshot but she was the only thing left to cling to and no matter what choice I made, Yuri was taking her away.
Of course the Zaragozas would have thought to eliminate this option. And I didn’t doubt their commitment to killing her if the need arose.
I reached forward, trying to quiet the shaking in my hand as I grasped the pen. I slid the paper toward me and began scrawling, each swipe feeling out of control— like it wasn’t actually me writing.
I decided to leave McAllen. I wasn’t happy there and never will be. I’m getting a fresh start. I love you but will never return.
