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“Come to think of it, you’re the first. I’m normally a flashing green light when it comes to cocks.” Almost dropping the sprinkles myself, I dumped them in the trash as I laughed.
“Oh. My. God.” Lily threw her hands up in the air. “You both need to stop it. This is a family establishment and the last thing I need is a Yelp review that points out how many times someone’s kid heard the word ‘cock’ while they were here.”
“If their sense of humor is that bad, dear, then you don’t need their business.” We spun as a unit to see Ms. Anna standing at the counter, waiting patiently. How the hell did we not hear her come in? She was in her early eighties and used a walker for Christ’s sake.
“I’m so sorry about that, Ms. Anna. I have your order right here.” Lily spun and grabbed a closed pastry box with a ticket taped to the top, her cheeks redder than I’d ever seen them.
“No need to worry yourself over it, darlin’. I have five children, fourteen grandchildren and three great grandbabies, I’ve heard the word cock before. Now if you don’t mind, I’ll also take one of your delicious cream-filled donuts, Benji.”
Lily and I watched her slow movements as she lowered herself into her ancient Buick and Benji helped place her order in her front seat. Ms. Anna, the woman who’d taught me Sunday School, who sewed quilts for babies in the NICU, had just uttered the word cock.
“Did that just happen?” Lily asked, sounding as horrified as I felt.
“If you’re asking if the town grandma just dropped a cock bomb and then ordered a cream donut like it was the most normal thing in the world, then yeah, that happened.”
Benji walked back inside. “I want to be that woman when I grow up,” he announced as all three of us exploded in laughter.
15
LILY
How are you?
I stared at the words illuminating the tiny screen in my hand.Unknown numberwas scrawled across the top and those three words made my skin crawl.
Until I’d moved to Little Falls, any communication I’d had with other humans was exclusively through burner phones. And I changed those out as often as I could afford.
Once I’d settled here and started making friends and gaining clients, I was able to purchase a real phone through a legitimate carrier. I didn’t want to have to answer any questions from people in town or look like I was a shady character when trying to start a business.
Other than the occasional spam call trying to renew my car’s warranty, every call and text I received was from someone I knew. A few of my clients still contacted me on my personal cell but the majority of my orders went through the phone we’d set up at the bakery.
Which is why I’d been staring at the words for half a day, worried about who’d sent them. The words themselves were innocent enough but at the same time they had a familiarity that I didn’t like.
My first thought when it came in was to call Grayson. He would undoubtedly know what to do but he’d also be able to provide me comfort. Something I’d never been given in my entire life.
But Grayson wouldn’t know why I was terrified of a text that was more than likely sent to me by accident and I couldn’t tell him, which would only make him suspicious. A sickly, twisted feeling joined the anxiety that had been churning in my stomach. I was lying to him, to an amazing man who’d been nothing but honest with me.
Lying hadn’t bothered me since I left home, it was simply a tool to help keep myself safe and I’d never apologize for that. Lying to Grayson, though? It felt like betrayal and every cell in my body protested. I rubbed circles over my abdomen as if I could reach inside and pull the insidious emotions out of there.
“You feeling all right, Lily-Bell?” Benji questioned.
Shoving my phone into my back pocket, I schooled my features before facing him. “Y-yeah, I’m all good. Do you need any help?” My voice was wobbly and my poker face surely left a lot to be desired.
Benji stared at me, quietly taking in my nervous fidgeting. “You can always talk to me, you know that, right? I’ve never wanted to push you or make you uncomfortable but I’m always here if you need me.”
I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat. Not for the first time, I thought about spilling everything to Benji. My abusive childhood, the long nights where I couldn’t sleep because I was hungry or my body ached from the beatings. The fact that my own father was going tosellme like I was an old futon on Craigslist. I knew I could trust him with my trauma and he’d never tell another soul. But I was a creature of habit when it came to my pain and the thought of him seeing me differently, as broken, had me panicking.
Clasping his hand tightly, I hoped I wasn’t disappointing him with my answer. “I know. And maybe someday I’ll be able to, but not today. And that’s not because of you, Benji, it’s because of me.”
He smiled at me sadly as if he already knew how broken I truly was and kissed me on the temple, giving me his warmth and reassurance anyway. “Love you, Lily-Bell.”
“Love you, too, Benny-Bear.”
We both tried to shake off the seriousness that had settled around us. I shoved my phone in my apron pocket and refused to think about it for the rest of the day. Sweet Cheeks was a fresh start for both of us and I wouldn’t allow my fears to take root here.
* * *
No matterhow busy my day was, I knew when it was time for them to be here. It was like when you woke up at the same time every night no matter when you went to bed.
