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I had given in to my desire for her, and these feelings stirred inside me every time I got close to her. It was beyond the physical—I’m not blind to the beauty of humans. But Evie, she drew me in as if every time she looked at me, she was beckoning me to her, every smile and laugh, every tear broke down those walls between how I thought I viewed humanity and how I viewed her.
She was special.
She was something else.
And I had given in.
I was weak.
Iamweak.
“Like awhore?”
She snapped me back to reality with her words, and my mouth fell open. Her bottom lip was trembling, whether from anger or holding back tears, or both, I wasn’t sure.
“No, Evie, not like that.”
But she had stood and collected her clothes from the floor and held the blanket over her chest with her other hand. The flimsy blanket cascaded down her body, exposing her to me with every move she made. The situation was falling apart in front of me, and I had no idea how to make it right. Once down from the high, my first instinct was to panic at what we had done, what I had done to her, and what she had done to me just by being who she is. Simply by being an irresistible force.
But now, the panic was being replaced with fear, a fear I didn’t want to admit the reason even to myself.
Because more than fear of what I had succumbed to was the fear of losing her.
“Evie, wait.”
I recoiled at the way she looked at me, her features contorted with the pain in her heart, and even as I reached out to her across the space between us, my chest opened up as her pain flooded into me.
“Don’t touch me,” she snapped. “I wouldn’t want totemptyou with my body again.”
She stalked past me, slamming the bedroom door behind her.
EVIE
Tomorrow morning, I was leaving.
For the first time in a long time, I cried myself to sleep.
I don’t care if he heard me or if he felt bad, he deserved to feel as rotten as I did.
Don’t get attached.
Don’t open up to people.
Those are the rules to living in a world such as this, being stuck in this city with nowhere else to go. Where could I go anyway? I’d only end up doing the same thing somewhere else, having to earn the trust of all the people I wouldn’t trust myself.
Foolishly, I allowed myself to think I was more to Zaqiel than just another pathetic person who needed help. I don’t know why he helped me. Maybe he had something fucked up on his conscience he was trying to atone for. Who the fuck knows? But I justhadto play into the fantasy I had built in my head. Those thoughts I had allowed myself to have as he had carried me to the bath and had tucked me into bed at night, those white-picket-fence thoughts could never possibly be a reality.
He was intoxicating, strong, protective, caring, and sturdy. And I loved,lovedI could make him smile when it seemed he never usually did.
When I kissed him that night, I knew I wasn’t the only one who felt it. Those sparks you always hear about, but in the pit of my stomach, a pleasant sensation that made me think…
Home.
Yeah, I was foolish and naïve, and so stupid. I thought I was past all this girly shit, past the hope there was something out there for me better than this life. But something about him gave me a new spark, and a new hope ignited within me.
Then we had come together, and I had never felt more complete.
But it was all over too soon after the act, and the ecstasy of it faded into nothing almost straight away. I wasn’t even allowed a few minutes to dwell within the false reality I had created within my mind. No, he had brought it all crashing down around me. He justfreaked out,tearing himself away from me as though I was poison to him.
