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Maybe I was.
I knew what it was like to be used, but for some reason, I never expected it from him.
It hurt.
Physically, I was healed enough now. The truth was I had probably healed enough a day or two ago, but I wanted to mend the bridges with Zaqiel before I left and had to face what was outside these walls. All I had intended was to make sure we were okay after he started ignoring me.
And now, things were so much worse.
“You don’t have to leave.”
I pivoted on the spot, having not heard him open the door as I straightened the bed sheets. I was still wearing his boxers and t-shirt—I had nothing else to wear. I’m sure he wouldn’t miss them.
“Don’t you knock?” I asked flatly as I finished the corners of the bed before standing to face him. He was wearing pants but no shirt and stood with his shoulder against the doorframe and hands jammed into his pockets, looking at the floor. I couldn’t see his eyes beyond the veil of lashes. Hopefully, there was guilt in those eyes.
He said he didn’t want to take advantage of me, but leaving me feeling used by someone I thought cared,thatwas worse.
“Evie—”
“Thank you for taking care of me.”
“Evie…” he started again, and this time when I waited, my arms crossed over my chest, he lifted his eyes to mine but still didn’t speak. There was pain and guilt in his eyes, and I was glad he felt as awful as I did. But at least his pain was his own fault.
Although I wasn’t entirely blameless in this situation. My pain was my fault for being sucked into thinking he might actually give a shit about me. Apparently, I was born so wicked that I enticed a man who otherwise would never have given into temptation, which said worlds about me. I was better off away from here.
“Yes?” Part of me still wanted to hear whatever it was he had to say.
That glimmer of hope was still inside me, hoping he could redeem this situation.
“I’m sorry.” He looked at the floor again and couldn’t seem to hold my gaze.
“Tell me what you’re sorry for, Zaqiel.”
He raised his eyes to mine again, and I held his stare, even though it was painful to do so. It felt like he could reach inside my mind and pull out all the darkest parts of me and make them go away. But then what would I be left with? I don’t think I’d know how to function in this fucked-up world without my layers of darkness protecting me.
“I’m sorry I hurt you.”
I pressed my lips together. That answer was as cryptic as everything else about him. I twirled my apartment key between my fingers. He had never hidden it from me. It was always on the bedside table. The opportunity was always there to leave as soon as I was well enough to do so. He knew as well as I that I had stayed slightly longer than required. And if it weren’t for last night, would I have stayed longer?
Probably.
Maybe.
Definitely.
“I’m leaving.”
He paused, then, “Okay.”
Waiting a beat longer for him to protest, I moved to stride past him. When he grabbed my arm, I spun around to face him, looking into his eyes with grim determination and trying not to let the hope he kept stamping out show on my face.
I waited for him to say something.
He didn’t, but he turned fully and took a step toward me.
I yanked my arm from his grip. “Goodbye, Zaqiel. Donotfollow me.”
He stopped, staying in the bedroom doorway like an obedient puppy as I backed away.
