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And I hated the part of me that still wished he had tried harder to follow.
It took me a moment to get my bearings once I was outside.
Christ, it was bright out here.
The apartments in this area weren’t exactly known for their abundance of natural light and welcoming entranceways or open-plan living spaces, so I stood squinting in the sunlight for a few moments after a couple of weeks in the semi-dim apartment lighting.
It took me a moment longer than it should have to realize I had no shoes. The pavement was still cold from the nighttime chill, and I curled my toes against it. Everything about reality felt harsh and cruel now I had known the embrace of someone who actually cared.
At least, I thought I did. But apparently, whatever standards Zaqiel held himself to were more important than me.
I got that. I was no one special.
Crossing my arms over my chest, the cool breeze was making it abundantly clear to the world I wasn’t wearing a bra either. I wasn’t too far from my apartment building, a few blocks maybe, so I turned and walked briskly down the street, hoping the pace would keep me warm and the graze of the pavement on my feet would distract me from thoughts of Zaqiel.
It wasn’t working.
It was quiet at this time of the morning. Those who didn’t work were likely sleeping off a hangover from the night before, and most of the girls like me would be in bed, some next to strangers, some not. Although I encountered no one along the way who cast me more than a disinterested stare, I kept glancing over my shoulder at every corner, expecting Tyson or one of his goons to be there.
I better start thinking about what I’d say to them because they were bound to realize quite quickly I was back. Word traveled fast.
Making it to my apartment without incident, I called to Heidi as I stepped through the doorway. There was no answer, so she had already left. I searched around, no note. I didn’t bother to check if anything was missing. I trusted her enough, and I had nothing worth stealing anyway.
Collapsing onto the bed, I sighed loudly.What the fuck do I do now?
I didn’t want to go back to the life I had before, but what choice did I have? Maybe I could be a dancer at that club down the road. Dancing surely had to be better than hooking, but I doubted Tyson would let me go. Being with another man would feel wrong now, regardless of the fact there’d be no emotional connection, nothing but a body on a body, one paying for the other.
But I couldn’t get the memory of Zaqiel’s body on top of mine from my mind. The hard lines of his chest, the feel of his hips pressing forcefully against the inside of my thighs as he spread my legs and took me. While he was animalistic, there was still something so incredibly gentle about him, as though his arms around me could protect me from the world outside, and him being inside me could mend all the parts of me that were broken.
Sighing again, I closed my eyes and allowed my hand to trail down my body, brushing my fingers over my exposed stomach as I lifted the t-shirt before venturing under the elastic band of the shorts. Groaning, I touched myself, realizing even the memory of him had made me wet.
It had been a long time since I got myself off thinking of anyone in particular.
But Zaqiel, I couldn’t get him out of my mind.
Banging on the door tore me from my dreams. I glanced out the window, the light barely a dim haze over the building across the street—either I had slept all day or napped for barely half an hour. Blearily, I walked over to the door, and it wasn’t until I had unhooked the chain I realized I should’ve been more cautious about who was knocking.
The door burst open, the edge of it colliding into me even as I stepped back. I clutched my hands to my face as a splattering of blood burst from between my fingers. Collapsing to the floor, I tentatively felt my nose. I didn’t think it was broken, but then again, what did I know? Instinctively, I curled into a ball and wrapped my arms around my head, and when my hair was grabbed, I was dragged to my feet, and I screamed.
“Where thefuckhave you been?” Tyson exploded in my face.
I could barely think straight. I couldn’t believe I had been stupid enough to even open the door without asking who it was. He’d have just kicked it in anyway, those little golden chains do nothing, but at least I’d have had time to move away. Maybe then I could’ve talked him down before he lay a hand on me. I should’ve known they’d be watching the building. They wouldn’t use resources to look for me, but they would’ve been damn sure to be here if and when I got back.
“I… I don’t know!” I cried.
He laughed. His sick, twisted chuckle sounded as though he was on the edge of hysteria. “You really think I’m that fucking stupid, huh?” He let go of my hair, twisting his arm so I was forced to the side and fell to the floor again. “Who was that guy who took you?”
I felt the anger building inside of me as though my stomach acid was boiling, sending waves of acidic rage up my throat. “How thefuckam I supposed to know, Tyson?” I screamed, matching his tone and volume. He even backed away half a step when I pushed myself to my feet. I wasn’t as short as Heidi, and I’m sure the anger was showing on my face, past the blood.
Maybe the blood only added to the effect.
I hoped I looked like a fucking possessed demon to him right now.
“I couldn’t seeshitbecause Paul fucked up my face,remember?”
“Don’t you yell at me, whore.”
Shoving at his shoulders, I rammed down the immediate warning that sprung up in my gut that it was a terrible idea to push him. I didn’t care anymore. I was sick of being blamed for being the victim. Sure, there were things I could’ve done differently in my life, but it wasn’t my fault Paul had done what he did, and it sure as shit wasn’t my fault Zaqiel had found me and then let me go just as easily.
