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“You’re someone to me. More worthy than I.”
Staring hard at each other, his hand was still gripping my wrist, and I twisted until he let go and allowed me to take his hand. Holding his hand felt strange like it was too simple and intimate of a gesture for us to share. “I think it’s time you told me your story, don’t you?” I had to grip his hand to stop him from sliding his fingers from mine. “No! Don’t you pull away now. I’ve told you my deepest, darkest secrets. The part of me I’ve kept locked away for so long, the part of meyoubrought closer to the surface when you took me to bed, the part… what are you smirking about?”
His smirk vanished. “I’m sorry, justtook me to bedsounds so sweet and innocent considering what we did there.”
“Whatyoudid tome,you mean.”
His lip twitched. “You loved it.”
I couldn’t meet his eyes for a moment. He was right. Of course, he was, but I needed to know who this man really was. “Tell me about the scars, Emrick.”
EMRICK
She wanted to know about the scars.
The story I could tell her wouldn’t be easy because the entire time I’d see Emily’s face swimming before me, merging with Cara’s, messing with my mind and my sense of reality. But how to explain I fell and what I was before? I couldn’t show her my wings, couldn’t prove to her I used to be immortal when I no longer was. She’d simply have to trust me and believe something almost all humans would consider completely crazy.
And I wasn’t someone to be trusted.
Cara was gripping my hand, whether through support or fear, I wasn’t sure. She was right, she had spilled her secrets to me, and it was time for me to return the favor. What’s the worst that could happen? Apart from the lingering fear that had been growing in my mind ever since Cara first told me she was thinking of leaving this city. The fear of losing her, which for some inexplicable reason, was something I cared about. She was darkness, I knew her darkness now, and mine recognized hers. Yet somehow, she managed to go through life and not become like me. She wanted the violence and the power it brought, desired it, yet fought against the need for it and tried to be normal.
It would be wrong of me to corrupt her, to try to get her to embrace that side of her, but I was selfish and wanted her for my own, even if it meant breaking down all the walls she had spent so long painstakingly putting together.
“I killed some men,” I said finally. “The first men I ever killed.”
She was searching my eyes, looking for something beyond the truth. This was nothing she didn’t know, nothing everyone in this city didn’t already know. There had to be more.
There was, of course.
Sighing, I focused on the feel of her hand in mine, thinking of Emily’s. My large hand encased hers, but where I ran my thumb across the inside of her palm, it was different. Where Emily’s hands were dry from constant baking and cleaning up the tables and equipment, Cara’s hands were smooth and clean. No flour under her nails, which rather than keeping short for practicality, they were long and painted with polish. But not fake, I was pleased to see. Aside from the mask she wore, there was nothing fake about her. Not only did I want her and continued wanting her even after I’d had her, I wanted therealCara.
Emily was my light, bringing out the best in me and showing me the true value of love and humanity and all it had to offer.
Cara was the darkness to mine, and I loved her just the same.
Fuck.
Lovedher?
No, I can’t. I don’t have it in me to love anymore.
“I loved her,” I whispered into the silent room, still rubbing Cara’s palm. “Emily, she was so beautiful. All she ever wanted in life was a bakery of her own, and when she achieved it, she justlit up, like the light was coming from inside her. She’d always greet customers with a smile, but she had a special smile, a brighter one she reserved only for me. Every day I’d go to see her, and I fell in love with her, and she with me.”
The light I felt ignite in my chest thinking of Emily was extinguished when the darkness took back over, creeping through my memories and infecting my veins. “But this city is a dark place, full of dark people. I should have taken her away when I had the chance, far from here. But she was so happy, she’d never leave the bakery or her sister and nieces. But the bakery was owned by the insect who used to run this city before me and right next door to one of his clubs. They expected her to pay protection money.” A shuddering breath rippled through me, and Cara gripped my hand. “She didn’t understand how it worked… she was innocent and naïve. So, they made an example of her.”
I made a gun with my fore and middle fingers, holding it up to Cara’s face with my thumb raised. “Shot her, point blank in the face, destroying her beauty and taking her soul. I’ll never get that image out of my head.” Cara’s eyes were swimming with tears when I looked at her. “Like you and Angie, I can’t even see Emily’s face now without seeing how she was when I found her. She left the door unlocked for me…for me.Because ofme,it was so easy for them. She didn’t have time to run, and she didn’t stand a chance.”
“Emrick…” Cara whispered, and I gripped her hand hard enough to make her wince.
“So…” I let the darkness take over my body and voice. “I went for the men who came for her and killed them all. Violently, painfully, marking the street with their blood. I did it even knowing they would take my wings. I didn’t care, and I don’t regret it.”
Cara was frowning. “What do you mean…take your wings?”
“It doesn’t matter, I don’t expect you to believe me. If I tell you I was an angel and now I’m one of the fallen, you’ll never believe me. Those scars on my back are reminders I carry with me every day of the purity I lost, but that part of me was already lost the second that bullet ripped through Emily’s skull.”
She was processing my words, probably deciding that aligning myself as a fallen angel was some sort of metaphor that helped me deal with the grief. I didn’t mind—whatever helped her process it was fine with me. If there were to be something ongoing, then I’d sort the problem of how to prove to her what I was later.
“So, you took over the business?” she asked, apparently deciding to put the fallen angel thing aside for now.
