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IT’S BEEN A week since I was drugged at the frat party I attended with my roommate Maggie. All I wanted was a night out after being at the clubhouse for so long and instead, I was almost raped after being drugged. Every single night I dream of what happened, of what could have happened if I didn’t make a phone call to Sabotage as soon as I started feeling off. I managed to find a room to lock myself in before slumping against the wall just beside the door. Time came to a standstill as I waited for the guys to come to my rescue.

I don’t remember anything from the night after I called Sab. Other than I know Zeus was with him. Sabotage told me the next day when he came to check on me Zeus lost his shit and was almost arrested after getting me out of there. As far as getting back to the clubhouse, getting into bed, or anything else, it’s all blank. There is nothing there when I try to pull up the events of the rest of the night. In some ways, I’m happy I can’t remember what happened. There’s also a part of me that wants to remember exactly what happened. I want to know how I got home, who carried me, and who’s bed I was in before getting moved to the room I stay in at the clubhouse. A room I barely leave these days because I don’t want to see the pity on everyone’s faces.

The one thing I was told is a doctor came to check on me as soon as I was brought in. He made sure no one touched me as I waited in the locked room for the guys to show up, find out exactly what I’d been drugged with, and to ensure nothing happened to me while it was still in my system. Hartley was a damn wreck when she found out what happened to me. Still, she held me for countless hours, let me cry on her shoulder, and brought my nephew in to see me. Nash makes everything better for me. He’s so sweet and innocent you can’t help but fall in love with the little guy as soon as you see him. My nephew definitely has me wrapped around his little finger and I’ll do anything for him. I foresee us getting into trouble a lot when he gets older and can start thinking on his own. There’s not much I’m going to tell him ‘no’ about. I just hope my sister and Lash are ready for the havoc we’ll enjoy creating together.

Maggie has been trying to call me ever since the party. I don’t know if she knows what happened, but my sister talked to her. Right now, I can’t face her. Maggie is one of my best friends and I know she’ll take this on her shoulders when it’s the last thing she needs to do. What happened to me isn’t her fault and there’s no way I’d ever place the blame on her. There are more than a few guys at school who believe I’m a slut because of my slight affiliation with the club. Just because Hartley is married to the President, they automatically assume I’m fucking all the guys here despite me telling them it’s not true. If I’m being honest, I’m still a damn virgin. It’s one of the few things I haven’t just jumped to get rid of like so many others in my class. Anyway, when the guys find out I’m not going to sleep with them, I get bullied and called such vile names. They believe I don’t think they’re good enough since I’m taking biker cock. Their words, not mine. They finally figured out a way to get to me and it didn’t work because I called in help.

Lash and the rest of the guys all wanted to go to the frat and burn it to the ground after rounding up every last asshole who was involved with drugging me. I put a stop to it when I broke down and told them it wasn’t worth it. Those guys aren’t worth it. No, I don’t want them to do the same thing to another girl, someone like Maggie, but I won’t risk their freedom either. So, for now, they’ve agreed to keep an eye on the frat and make sure no one else is drugged or taken advantage of in some other form. It’s not going to last for long, these guys are very impatient, and they will take matters into their own hands sooner or later. I can just hope I have a better grip on my emotions when it happens.

Now, I spend every single day trying to figure out where I go from here. Sabotage is the only other one besides my sister who comes in to see me. We sit on my bed together and watch trash TV or talk about nonsense. He tells me about some of the things Zeus and him have gotten up to in the past and tells jokes when he sees me getting lost in my own head to the point I can’t pull myself out again. It happens more often than I’d like to admit. I might not have been raped, but the attempt was made and it’s really messing with me. Showers are also my new best friend. I take at least two or three a day and spend so much time in the water, it’s usually gone cold and I’m shivering by the time I get out. No one knows about that though. It’s one of the few parts I’ve managed to keep from everyone around me.

Zeus is the only one who hasn’t approached me. Something is holding him back worse than before. I used to see the lingering gazes, feel them on my skin from across the room. Now, since I don’t come out of my room unless it’s absolutely necessary, I don’t see him. Other than when I’m having a nightmare, Zeus refuses to step over the threshold of my room at the clubhouse. He leaves the common room the few times I’ve gone down there with my sister too. It honestly hurts to know this has pushed him away before I really got the chance to see what could be between us.

The nightmares aren’t something I can control or keep from my sister and the guys. They hear me screaming in my sleep nightly. Sabotage and Zeus always rush to my side until I’m pulled from the vicious scenes tormenting me. As soon as I’m alert enough to put on a movie for the rest of the night, Zeus leaves the room. Sab doesn’t always stay with me either. Out of the last week, he’s stayed with me three times. All three times, I’ve managed to fall back asleep wrapped in his arms. He promised me he wouldn’t let my demons haunt me and has made good on it. When he’s not in here with me, I know sleep isn’t going to come again. So, I usually find movies to binge or just end up getting lost in my head after taking a shower.

One thing I know for sure is I don’t want to step foot back on that campus for a single reason. As far as I’m concerned, Maggie can have every single thing I left behind and trash what she doesn’t want to keep for herself. She’ll find a new roommate who isn’t now damaged and will want to go out around campus with her. I can’t risk running into anyone from the school. Especially the frat where I was drugged. Being in Braedon, I know there’s little to know chance of it happening. Though, there are pictures I’d like to keep, I’m not about to breach my safe bubble just to get them.

As I lay in bed thinking of what I need to do, there’s a soft knock on my door. It’s my sister. She’ll have gotten something for us to eat for lunch and we’ll visit while playing with my nephew. It’s what she’s been doing every day for the last week.

“Come in,” I call out, not bothering to move from my bed.

The door slowly opens as Hartley juggles her son and the bag holding our food and drinks. I don’t bother getting up to help her because she’ll just yell at me. Hartley wants to do it all on her own and there’s no talking her out of it. We’ve all tried. Lash is the only one who can get through to her. I know there’s a reason for it, I’m just waiting for her to share the news with everyone else so we can tell her how stupid she’s being.

“How are you feeling today?” she asks, using her foot to shut the door behind her.

“The same as every other day. Still having the nightmares and I’m debating on what I need to do now,” I answer her, sitting up against the wall behind me.

“What do you mean?”

“Hart, you know I love you and the only thing I want to do is make you proud of me. It’s one of the main reasons I started going to college to begin with. To take the opportunity you made sure I had by giving up your childhood for me. With what’s happened, I’m not sure I can go back to that place. Ever,” I tell her, rushing out my words as tears fill my eyes.

“Do you honestly think I expect you to go back there?” she questions, her voice raising in surprise at my statement. “There’s nothing you could do to make me not be proud of the young woman you’ve become, Jae. I love you and will always want you to do what makes you happy. After being drugged, I already knew you wouldn’t be going back. Not a single person here expects you to either. We’re just waiting on you to figure out what to do.”

“Maybe I can finish my semester online and then take a break or something. Figure out what I truly want to do. Or where I want to be,” I hedge, not sure if I can broach the other topic I want to talk to my sister about.

“This is about Sab and Zeus. Isn’t it?”

It’s now my turn to look at my sister with surprise and shock filling my face. I have no idea how she knows I have any type of feelings for the two men since I’ve made sure to keep my thoughts to myself when it comes to them. I’m barely eighteen and they’re older than me. They have so much more experience in every single aspect of life while I’m still floundering around. This is not what I was expecting her to say. At all.

“What? How do you know?” I finally ask, my voice breaking with the shock still flowing through my body.

“It’s not hard to figure out. Sab is the first person you called when you knew something was wrong. I see the way you follow them with your eyes whenever they’re in the same room or outside for a cookout. Sab is also the only one who can get you back to sleep after you have a nightmare. Zeus would too if he weren’t dealing with his own shit right now. Shit that was brought to the forefront of his mind with what happened to you,” Hartley says as she hands me over a cheeseburger and fries while Nash lays on the bed between us with his bottle.

“Sis, they’re older than me and I know they share women. It’s not hard to hear the rumors about them no matter where I am here in the clubhouse. Hell, I’ve seen them disappear with a woman before when they didn’t know I was sitting in the common room. Thankfully they took it to a room, so I didn’t actually have to see them fuck her. Now, Zeus can’t even stand to be in the same room with me. While Sab treats me like a little sister or something. Plus, he’s your brother-in-law and I’m so damn confused.

“Part of me never wants to be near another man after almost being raped while the bigger part of me knows they’d never hurt me. Not in that way. Instead, I’d be holding them back from how they truly are with a woman who’s more experienced than I am. You know I’m still a virgin and have only done a few things with one guy. Sabotage and Zeus are way out of my league, and I know it wouldn’t be a good situation for them. However, I also can’t get them out of my head either.”

“Sweetie, Sab might be my brother-in-law, but I’m not going to stop you from going after him if he’s the one you want. The only thing I have mentioned is he has to wait until you’re not jailbait. You’re not anymore. Now, it’s up to the three of you to figure things out. I have a feeling they’ll come around sooner or later. There’s been a lot of talk around the clubhouse about them and some girls are feeling left out,” she informs me with a smirk on her face.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, it’s been a few months since they’ve taken a woman. Either together or on their own. They haven’t slept with one of the girls here since you turned eighteen.”

“That’s a lie. The day I saw them take a girl back to their room was at my birthday party here. I came in to get a few minutes of peace and they came stumbling through to grab a bottle from the bar before heading to one of their rooms. Maybe they’ve just gotten better at hiding it from everyone and aren’t getting it from the girls here. They do spend a lot of time at Jaded Outlaw and there are naked girls there every single night,” I tell her, knowing I can’t get my hopes up when it comes to these two men.

I might be impulsive and not think all of my decisions through completely, but that’s not the case when it comes to my heart and any potential relationship I might have. That’s when I tend to overthink the situation from every possible angle. Especially since my sister started seeing Lash. So many guys from school either saw me as a biker slut and easy lay, or they saw me as an easy way in to the club. My dating life has taken such a nose dive it’s not funny.

“I don’t know, Jae. I’m just telling you what I’ve heard from the girls. Now, eat your lunch before it gets cold, and you don’t eat. Again,” she scolds me gently.

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