AllFreeNovel
Share Us
My mind and heart are at war lately. Some days my heart takes the lead and I believe I can have everything I want in life. Other days, my head wins out and I can’t do anything other than run as fast as possible in the opposite direction of Jaelyn. Knowing she’s no longer in the clubhouse is a good way for there to be some distance between us, I’m just not sure how often I’ll find myself by the row houses where she’ll be staying.
Walking through Rowdy Shot tonight, it’s packed to capacity. A band plays on the stage and couples are dancing on the floor in front of them. Others are getting wasted as they sing off key to the music and stuff their faces with food we have here. Shaking my head, I accept the beer as I pass the end of the bar and don’t stop until I’m in front of the office door. Tonight Bella’s on the bar while Nerd cooks and Sarah works the floor serving up drinks and food. I have to hire someone to replace Evan’s ass, but I haven’t been worried about it with all the other shit going on. If I’m needed on the floor, I’ll head out there to help until things calm down again. It’s the perfect excuse for not hanging out at the clubhouse.
Opening my door up and slamming it shut behind me, I turn on the lights before heading over to my desk. Nerd will no doubt here I’m here and deliver me some food in a little bit. He knows what I like and switches it up every night I work so I’m not constantly having the same things. He’s a good employee and I know it’s just a matter of time before he forgets he’s more than a Prospect. Despite being a full patch for several years now, he still acts as if he’s wearing the Prospect patch on his back. It’s not a bad thing, but he has to learn he doesn’t have to do everything either.
The first thing I do is turn on my computers to take a look at everything. I need to go over the books and make sure everything is ready for Bronwan to go over. She’s taken over the books from Shank and has started meeting with us all once a week to make the workload on all of us easier to handle. It was a lot to go through when I met with Shank once a month. Bronwan put a good system in place, and we all make it work so she doesn’t have to spend too much time in each business.
After making sure I’ve got everything ready for her, I pull up the security feeds on my second monitor to keep an eye on the floor. There’s a large stack of applications for me to go through. With me being here all night long for the most part, there’s no time like the present to start. Picking up the thick stack, I make sure the garbage can is empty and right next to me for anyone I know we won’t be accepting. The first five make it in the garbage. They couldn’t even manage to answer the questions on the application. Things like their address and birthdate were left blank. If these people know an MC runs the Rowdy Shot, they also know there’s no way we’re not going to run a background check on them. It’s one of the first things I do for any of our businesses. Here, I can do it before a single person steps inside the bar for an interview. It’s one of the perks as far as I’m concerned.
It takes over an hour to go through the applications and make two separate piles of them. One pile is for if we get absolutely desperate and can’t find anyone else to hire. The other pile, the smaller of the two, is for those I’m going to consider giving an interview to after running their name. I’m very picky about who I will let step foot in here. Or any of the businesses the club owns if I’m being honest. We don’t need anyone else to fuck us over the way Evan did. I ran his name and did a thorough search of his background and still didn’t know he was related to Hartley’s ex. I’ve since stepped up my game and now go more in depth with the information I collect on anyone thinking of becoming a hang around, an employee, or entering Jae’s life.
Letting out a deep breath, I shake my head to clear it. I can’t go more than a few minutes without her being on my mind. Wondering if she’s okay, what she’s doing, and so many other things. She’s the last person I need to be thinking about right now, but the only one I can see. My cock doesn’t even get hard for another bitch because it’s not Jae with her sweet innocence. Sab is the same way, and the Rebels hate it. We’ve stopped touching the girls at the clubhouse, Jaded Outlaw, and those coming in here for a good time or walk on the wild side. No one appeals to us, and our dicks don’t get hard without thinking of Jaelyn. My hand has seen more action in the last several months than in my entire life.
Nerd, as predicted, brings me in a small pizza covered with a ton of cheese, very little sauce, chicken, and mushrooms. He’s cut it into four slices for me to pick up and made sure to bring in a bottle of beer for me to drink with it. It’s exactly what I need to fill my stomach before stepping out behind the bar to help Bella and start the round of breaks so the girls and Nerd can get something to eat and take a few minutes to breathe. I’m not about to leave one girl on the floor and Nerd in the kitchen alone. Maybe we can get Cole in here to work a few shifts to help with breaks and shit. I’ll have to bring it up in church when we have it again. Cole would make a good fit here and I can still hire another person for the floor when we’re really busy.
Any night we have a band here, it’s standing room only. The bar is hopping, and the girls are run off their feet. Even when Evan was working here, I was still helping out behind the bar and in the kitchen. I helped make sure glasses and other dishes were washed and restocked along with alcohol and anything else that needed to be done. Now, I do that more often when I’m here. It’s definitely time for me to get some extra bodies in here. Even if it’s just for the weekends.
“I’m here. What are your other two wishes?” Sab says, walking in my office with his own pizza and beer.
“For you to leave and go to the strip club to work,” I deadpan, not raising my eyes from the monitor in front of me.
“Not happenin’ tonight bestie,” he says, plopping his ass down on the couch directly across from my desk. “Here to find out what’s been up your ass. Everyone has been noticin’ your lack of appearance at the clubhouse. Thought you were finally movin’ on and ready to start thinkin’ about claimin’ our girl.”
I knew it was just a matter of time before Sabotage said something. He’s not one to hold shit in or beat around the bush. Being my best friend, he’ll call me on my shit and make sure I’m not lying to even myself. This is not a topic he’s going to get his way on though. Not this time.
“Had a lot goin’ on. Been short staffed for a while and it’s only gotten worse since we found out about Evan. Just got done goin’ through the applications and I’m gonna have to set up interviews. Plus, I was thinkin’ of bringin’ Cole on to help out,” I answer evasively while still not looking at Sab.
“There’s more to it than all that,” he says, setting his plate next to him on the couch and leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees.
“You’re right, there is. I’ve been thinkin’ long and hard about my life and the decisions I’ve made so far. I love that you’re my best friend, Sab. You’re closer than any brother I could have had by blood. You’re the only one who knows every single detail about me and there’s no way for me to say this without hurtin’ you,” I begin, leaning back in my chair, masking my face as if I’m not about to drop a bomb on the man sitting across from me. “I can’t do this anymore. I love sharin’ girls with you, but you want to claim Jae and I’m just not there. I don’t know if I’ll ever be there. The only thing I know for sure today is I’m behind on shit here at the bar, and Jae consumes me more than she should.”
“What the fuck are you talkin’ about?” Sab questions me, his voice coming out a growl in his confusion and hurt.
“I think you should claim Jae as yours and we’ll just stop sharin’ girls the way we’ve been doin’. She’s got so much goin’ on and it’s just proven I’ve failed yet one more person I care about when they needed me the most. You can give her what she needs and have the strength to help her finish gettin’ past this traumatic experience. You don’t think I know the nights you stayed in her room with her? When I couldn’t stand to be in there longer than it took for us to make sure she was okay? That I don’t see the way she looks at you whenever you’re near her? Jae is yours, man. Love you like a brother and that will never change. She needs you, and you need her just as much,” I spell it out for him the best I can.
“That’s a bunch of shit and you know it. Yeah, your past crept up and slapped you right in the fuckin’ face when I called you that night. It doesn’t mean you fuckin’ failed her. Jae was hours away at school and we had no clue anythin’ was goin’ on with her. Let me ask you this. Since we saw her mom at the dorms, have you been lookin’ into her? Tryin’ to find out every single detail of her life so we can protect Hartley and Jaelyn from her?”
“You know I have..”
“Okay. I know it’s not just because Hartley’s married to the Lash. You’re doin’ this because it’s what you do. And you want to make sure this shit doesn’t ever taint Jaelyn. You are protectin’ her in the one way you know without a doubt you can. You haven’t failed a single fuckin’ person your entire life. What happened before isn’t on you. You weren’t around twenty-four hours a day and didn’t see what was hidden from you. None of us did. Takin’ this shit on your shoulders and lettin’ the guilt destroy you, isn’t what I want to keep seein’, Lucas. This is slowly killin’ you and destroyin’ your fuckin’ soul. You wouldn’t be my best friend if I didn’t know what kind of man you truly are. One who loves without holdin’ back, and can be everythin’ Jae needs you to be. I’m not claimin’ her until you’re ready to claim her with me. it’s what we’ve fuckin’ decided and you’re not backin’ out on me now. Not when I know this isn’t what you truly want in the depths of your soul,” he tells me, his voice breaking at several points as he lets his emotions take over.
“Why can’t you just give me this? Take what I’m tellin’ you as what I mean in this situation?” I ask, needing him to let the idea of us sharing Jaelyn go.
“Because it’s not what you truly want at the end of the day. You want to love her, protect her, help her, guide her, and give her the strength she lacks at certain times. I know you want to fuck her until she can’t take anymore and see her belly grow round with your son or daughter. The same exact shit I want to give her. Instead, you’re lettin’ your past rule you and make decisions for your future when it’s not the way it has to be. I’m your strength when you need it. Just like you’re my strength when I need. Together, we’re fuckin’ unstoppable and the only two men Jae needs.
“Don’t tell me you haven’t seen her eyes, the same eyes followin’ me around, followin’ your ass around either. Jae watches you as much as she watches me. There’s somethin’ about her that draws us to her. And she feels it too. There’s no doubt in my mind about her wantin’ us as much as we want her. You’re fuckin’ delusional if you think I’m givin’ up and lettin’ you get what you truly want in life. Zeus, you can have the fuckin’ world by the balls if you let go of somethin’ you had no fuckin’ control over. I’m not lettin’ you sabotage yourself like you don’t let me. And there were plenty of times in the past you could have washed your fuckin’ hands of me and my shit. You didn’t. That’s why it’s my turn not to let you do the same thing I’ve tried to do repeatedly.”
“We’ll talk about this later. I need to finish my dinner so I can get on the floor. It’s packed in here tonight and everyone is runnin’ behind. Sab, just give me some time to figure shit out. That’s what I’m gonna ask of you now.”
“I’m not givin’ you too long. I know you. And, I’m here to help in whatever way you need. Jaded Outlaw is set for the night and there’s nothin’ I’m needed there for. I’ll take kitchen with Nerd, and you work the floor. If we need more guys and girls here, we’ll make it happen. Stop takin’ everythin’ on your fuckin’ shoulders when you got an entire club at your back.”
Sabotage and I quickly devour our food, drain our beer, and make our way out to the floor. He heads to the kitchen to help Nerd get caught up while I head for the bar. Once I know the orders are caught up enough for me to work alone, I send Bella on her break and tell her to make sure she eats. These girls don’t always make the time to grab food when we have a damn kitchen here for them to get a meal in. Bella also happens to be a single mom of two and needs to keep herself healthy. She can’t do that if she’s not fucking eating.
The rest of the night goes by so fast. It’s closing time before I know it and we’re kicking a few of our regulars out. Sabotage helps us close the bar up before we make our way back to the clubhouse. I’m ready for fucking bed. No drinking for me tonight after the shift we just had. It’s a shower and straight to bed for me. Maybe tonight I won’t dream of a certain girl I can’t ever get out of my mind. That’s my hope with how exhausted I am.
TODAY THE CLUB is having a huge party at the clubhouse. It’s Sabotage’s birthday and I’ve once again been told I’m not allowed to attend. Part of me doesn’t even want to be inside the compound while the party is taking place and the larger part of me wants to defy everyone and show up uninvited. Yes, I know it makes me a bitch, but I’m tired of being treated with kid gloves. I’m eighteen now and there’s no reason I shouldn’t be allowed to attend the parties there. Bronwan and my sister will be there with their men. I might not have a man, but I don’t see what the big deal is. Other clubs won’t be in attendance. Well, I mean, Judge might show up since it’s his youngest brother’s birthday, but it’s not a guarantee. Judge isn’t Sabotage’s brother by blood, but the two families were brought up together and are closer than blood brothers. Judge, Talon, and Death are blood brothers. There is nothing preventing me from showing up if I really want to.
Lash and my sister have gone so far to keep me away tonight that they’ve made several takeout containers of food so I can’t use the excuse of being hungry and showing up. I’ve got chicken, mashed potatoes, pasta salad with extra cheese and pepperoni in it, more than enough water and chocolate milk, and even a small cake all for myself. They truly don’t want me around and it breaks my heart to realize even though I’m here and they won’t let me get an apartment off the compound and away from everything the club does, they don’t really want me here either. I’ll never be included in things the club does other than when it’s a family event of some sort. I’ve slowly been realizing this over the last week since moving into the row house.
