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Every day my sister would come over and have lunch with me while I was inside the clubhouse. I’d get to spend some time cuddled up with Nash and share good conversation and food with my sister. Since I’ve been over here, I have seen her for five minutes today. Sabotage doesn’t come to see me either. I have nightmares every night so bad I’ve got black circles under my eyes, and I can’t focus on anything. It’s hard to do schoolwork when my mind is always trying to shut down from managing only an hour of sleep most nights. Once in a while I’m lucky and get up to three hours. After having a nightmare though, I can never fall back asleep. Instead, I take a hot shower before going out to the couch to turn something on TV. Nothing works to take my mind off the demons haunting me.
Today, everything is hitting me full force for some reason. The feeling of being in the way and not being wanted has never filled me like it is now. I will never begrudge my sister for having her own life and doing what makes her happy. For most of my life, she’s put her happiness on hold to do what was best for me. Now that she’s finally found her happy place with Lash at her side, Nash wrapped up in her arms, and another baby on the way, I would never forgive myself for being ungrateful toward her. Hartley deserves every good thing in her life. I just wish I didn’t feel as if I were getting in the way of it here. Maybe I can sneak off the compound. No one would notice until it’s too late anyway. Lash and my sister definitely won’t be back around here tonight and no one else will either.
I did go in the clubhouse earlier to make sure I returned a few things I borrowed from the kitchen, and everyone was working to clean the clubhouse up and get ready for tonight. There wasn’t a single person standing, or sitting, around the common room. Some were cleaning while others were stocking the liquor and bar area. Usually the women of the club take care of it all, but not a single member was sitting on his ass. This party must really be something. Someone even installed a stripper pole in the common room and there were two high back chairs sitting right in front of it. The chairs remind me of what a King would sit in while addressing his kingdom.
As I sit on my couch and try to focus onShe’s the Manplaying on my TV, I can’t help but think of what everyone is hiding from me. Are the parties really that vulgar? If so, why would my sister want to attend? I mean other than the fact Sab is her brother-in-law. He can’t be the only reason though. Hartley goes to almost every single party unless Nash is sick, or she can’t find someone to watch him for the night. I don’t even know who’s watching him tonight while they’re there. She certainly didn’t ask me to take care of him. I’d have been happy to spend the night with my nephew. I have schoolwork to complete, but he’ll go to sleep early, and I could work on it then. Nope. Instead, I’m sitting here all alone with nothing but my thoughts to keep me occupied.
I still haven’t returned the numerous calls and messages from Maggie. She’s still at school and I want nothing to do with anything about that place. Even if she is my best friend, I can’t find it in myself to have a conversation with her. Hartley thinks part of me blames her for being drugged since she left me there all alone. It could be true. Or, I really don’t want to have contact with someone still on campus. Maybe after some more time I’ll be able to call her and finally let her know what’s going on. Though, I’m sure the guys moving my things out of our dorm room would have clued her in about something being wrong for me to suddenly be moving out without a word to her. Just one more thing to add to my plate of shit to deal with another day I guess.
Trying to work on my homework, I can’t concentrate and this time it has nothing to do with my lack of sleep. No, right now it’s all due to the music blaring from the back of the clubhouse as the party for Sabotage spills outside. I can smell the smoke from the bonfires they’ve no doubt lit as the sound of high-pitched squeals and laughter fill the night air. My windows are open, and I know I’m going to have to close them if I want to get any kind of peace without the party being rubbed in my face. This is so fucking unfair!
Standing up from my new couch, I make my way to the three windows looking out over the back of the compound. People fill the backyard as they laugh together, drink, grind up against one another to the beat of the sensual music playing, and enjoy life. It’s not much different than the few frat parties I’ve attended with Maggie. Or what I’ve seen here at the clubhouse. That’s why this hurts so much I think. I’ve never felt so isolated and unwanted as I do right now. Especially with an up-close view of everyone having such a good time while I sit bored, alone, and hurt. My sister’s voice fills the air as she laughs at something whoever she’s with is saying. More than likely Lash since she was yelling before laughing.
After closing the windows of my apartment, I don’t head back to my seat on the couch in front of my laptop. It’s not like I was really getting any of my homework done anyway. Instead, I head to the shower. I’m not going to listen to a single thing these people say. If they don’t want me around, I’ll find a way to make a good night for myself. It will only take going into the clubhouse to nab a bottle of alcohol from the bar before making my way somewhere quiet. I certainly won’t be able to get it while I’m here in my own space.
Turning on the water for the shower, I let it heat up while I strip out of my clothes and toss them in the hamper across from the toilet. With my phone in hand, I hit shuffle on a random playlist before letting the music flow over me much as the water does the second I step under the heavenly spray. Not only is the water hot as hell, it’s also powerful as the jets hit my tense muscles further relaxing me. I don’t linger under the water though as I quickly wash and condition my hair before lathering up my loofah to scrub my body down. Once I’m done making sure everything is shaved and clean, I step out and grab the fluffy towel I couldn’t resist buying when my sister took me shopping. Drying off, I head for my room and grab and outfit I think will make me blend in with the rest of the partygoers. They’re all barely wearing any clothes, including my sister.
I slide on a black, lace thong before adding the matching bra and hooking it behind my back. Grabbing my black miniskirt, I slide it up my legs, loving the slit on the left side to give me a little room to move around in. I add a deep red tank top over my bra before turning to grab my brush off the dresser behind me. Brushing out my long locks, I toss my hair up in a sleek ponytail. Walking back into the bathroom, I apply a little make-up before taking one last look at my complete appearance in the mirror. I still won’t exactly blend in because I’m sure more of my skin is covered than anyone else’s. However, I know I don’t look bad at all.
With one final deep breath, I leave the safety of my apartment through the back door and make my way through the drunk club members and their friends to the clubhouse. I don’t linger for any reason as I cut, dodge, and weave my way through all the people. Passing countless couples for the night already making out and dry humping out where anyone can see them. Like I said before, this is nothing new for me to witness. I’ve walked into the common room on more than one occasion to find some member fucking a Rebel right out in plain view for anyone to see. Not a single person who doesn’t have an ol’ lady gives a shit about someone else watching them fuck.
The music blaring through the massive speakers set up fill the air, mixing with everyone else out here. Bass vibrates my body as I push through the crowd in ways I’ve never experienced before since it’s much louder than anything I’ve ever heard. The air is also filled with the smoke from bonfires randomly lit around the backyard for warmth and some sort of light along with smoke from cigarettes and I do believe a few people smoking weed. Again, nothing I’ve never known to be around the clubhouse during a party. Sweat and sex also assault me as I continue to move through throngs of people in my attempt to get to the clubhouse door.
Once I hit the back door of the clubhouse as it sits open, my sister’s voice hits my ears once again.
“Lash, not out where anyone can see us,” she says, giggling infiltrating her words as she no doubt attempts to dodge her husbands advances.
I don’t need to hear anymore to know it’s time for me to grab a bottle and disappear somewhere much quieter. Or maybe I’ll hang out in the common room for a little bit if it’s empty since everyone seems to be outside. Though, it’s not much quieter inside since the door has been left open. Walking down the dimly lit hallway, I hear the faint moans of people already enjoying fucking someone for the night. Stepping into the common room, it’s destroyed. Plates of half-eaten food litter the tables along with bottles of beer and other alcohol. What’s left of the buffet everyone ate for dinner rests on the top of the empty bar. They certainly had different food than what I was given as I take in the chicken wings, homemade pizza with various toppings, garlic bread with cheese, steak, baked potatoes, and baked beans. My mouth waters even though I know this food has been sitting out and should not be eaten for any reason. Bypassing the food, I head behind the bar and grab a half-empty bottle ofJack Daniels. I certainly don’t need a full bottle. Plus, I don’t have to worry about someone drugging what’s left in the clubhouse because that’s not how these guys work.
Turning around with the bottle clenched in my hand, I spot Sabotage, Zeus and a woman in the corner of the room. She’s standing between the men with nothing covering her body. Both men are fully clothed still as they look down at her. I watch as she rubs her hand up and down Sabotage’s hard chest with her eyes locked on Zeus. Neither man moves as a gasp leaves my mouth when she leans up to kiss Sab. They immediately turn their heads in my direction as angry glares now fill their faces.
“What the fuck are you doin’ in here?” Zeus barks out, his voice a low growl I’ve never heard before.
“Getting something to drink,” I squeak out, clenching the bottle tighter in my hands.
“You were told not to fuckin’ come around here tonight? Do you not know how to fuckin’ listen?” Sabotage questions me as he steps away from the woman between them and folds his arms over his chest.
“I couldn’t concentrate on anything with all the music and other noise from the party I’m not allowed to be at for whatever reason. Even closing my windows, there’s almost nothing preventing the sound and smells from out there from breaching the apartment. Yet, I’m treated like a fucking baby who can’t attend a party for your birthday. Hell, I haven’t even seen a single person since I moved out of my room here. You guys wouldn’t know what the hell that feels like though,” I say, standing up straight and staring both men down as the woman turns her glare toward me.
“Look, kid,” she begins, her voice mocking me. “I’m sure you’ve got a real posh life here at the clubhouse with nothing to worry about. We’re a little busy in here and there’s no reason for you to be standing here staring at men who will never, ever want you. You can’t give them what they want, like, or need in bed. Run along back to yourBarbiesand find your own friends to stare at.”
“Really?” I ask her. “My intention wasn’t to interrupt your fuckfest. I’m sure you know all about pleasing men. The more the merrier more than likely applies to you. I’m surprised they can feel anything in your loose pussy. You do look a little used up. And I left behind my toys a long time ago. Unless you count those used in the bedroom. I have no desire to see you try to seduce these two. Unfortunately, I was at the wrong place, wrong time and all that shit. I’ll leave you to strut around completely naked in your pathetic attempt to find someone to fuck you.”
“Jaelyn, there was no reason for you to come in here. You were specifically told not to fuckin’ show up. You want to be treated like an adult, yet you can’t follow a simple order from the President of the club. How do you expect that shit to work out?” Zeus accuses me, his voice casing my heart to break even more.
“Not to mention, it is my birthday and if I wanted you at my party, I would have told you myself. I could have gotten Lash to see reason for you attending for a while. Since I didn’t ask you to come celebrate with us, there’s no reason you should have left the row house for any reason. Despite the noise and other bullshit. You were just lookin’ for a reason to come out here and check shit out. Well, you have and now you can get the fuck outta here,” Sabotage growls, wrapping his arm around the woman and pulling her into his chest.
“Don’t worry, none of you will ever have to worry about me attending anything here at the clubhouse ever again. I’m done here. Just tell my sister I’ll call her when I know what’s going on and not to worry about me,” I say, my voice breaking as I set the bottle of alcohol down on the bar and race out the front door.
It’s much easier to make my way back to the row house this way as I run to my back door and rush inside. Grabbing my laptop, phone, charger, and purse, I head for my room and dump it all on my bed. Rummaging through my dresser, I grab as many clothes as I can handle while adding things from the closet. I have my duffle bag in hand as I begin shoving everything inside so I can get the hell out of here. Tonight has proven no one wants me around. The only reason anyone has ever been nice to me is because my sister is with Lash. I’m nothing more than the little sister who annoys the shit out of everyone because I don’t think everything through as they believe I should.
I’m not going to stay where I’m not wanted. It’s time for me to move on and get my own place. Hartley has her life here and it’s no place for me any longer. I’d go to her house, but I don’t feel comfortable there. I feel in the way of their relationship because I know they censor themselves around me. Everyone does around here. It’s no wonder they don’t want me around. Well, they won’t have to worry about it any longer. I’m done being in the way and there are plenty of places I can temporarily stay until I make a decision about my next move.
WAKING UP THIS morning, my head is pounding with a raging hangover. I don’t usually drink like I did last night. Especially knowing I have to leave for a run today at some point. However, seeing Jae in the common room as Zeus and I were trying to brush off the advances of one of the strippers for my birthday fucked with my head. I never wanted her to see us in the position she caught us in and up until last night, she has never once seen Zeus and I with another woman to our knowledge. Now, that’s out of the question with the actions she witnessed, and the bullshit move I made by pulling the bitch’s body into mine to make her believe we’d have our way with her last night. It didn’t happen and never will.
Honestly, I can’t recall the last time I was with a woman at the clubhouse or strip club. I haven’t picked anyone up when I’ve been at Rowdy Shot either. No one catches my attention since Jae has come in the picture and is now of age. We’re still giving her a chance to live her life and get some experiences under her belt before we claim her. There is no reason for her to experience anything at the clubhouse without us by her side. It’s one of the reasons we made Lash and Hartley tell her she wasn’t allowed there last night. Not a lot of outsiders came, but there were friends of the club in attendance who like to partake in the women here. There were also strippers and other extra women brought in for everyone in attendance. Plus, Hartley kind of wanted to cut loose and not have to worry about her sister seeing her.
I have no clue what Jae meant about being alone and not seeing anyone since moving to the apartment. Hartley said she’s not answering her door anytime she’s tried to go over and visit her. It doesn’t sound like something Jae would do so I’m not exactly sure what’s going on. I’m also not sure with the amount of alcohol I had coursing through my body last night what she meant about none of us having to worry about her showing up or being around, however she said it, either. Though I’m not getting a good feeling in my gut about the situation. I’ll have to check shit out as soon as I get some much-needed coffee and food in my system. Maybe I’ll head over to see her before we all head out.
