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After we say our goodbyes and hang up, I venture out of my room to the kitchen, needing a glass of water. No one ever mentions how much crying can dehydrate you.
Suddenly, Bianca is at my side, and I nearly spew out all the water in my mouth. Instead, I swallow but it goes down the wrong pipe, and I end up coughing and gasping for air. I’m mildly surprised when Bianca starts pounded on my back so I don’t choke. Well, it’s that or she’s getting her aggression out on me. She’s not exactly being gentle.
After I manage to get myself together and am standing upright again, we stare at each other awkwardly.
“Do you want to talk?” she asks. I bite my lip. I know we need to, but frankly, I’m a little surprised she’s ready to talk so soon after what happened.
“Are you sure? It’s kind of late.”
“Yeah, I’d rather get this out of the way.” She exits the kitchen and heads to the living room, leaving me to follow behind her. Instead of sitting on the couch together like we always do, she takes the lone, extremely uncomfortable armchair which we’ve nicknamed Satan’s Torture Device since after you sit in it for about thirty seconds, both your back and ass are in excruciating pain. That right there tells me everything I need to know about how she’s feeling about me right now. I head across the room and sit on the sofa alone, facing her.
“No wonder pushing my parents together wasn’t working. Why would it when Dad has a hot little piece on the side waiting at home for him?” Her words are rather harsh, but somehow her voice is verging on playful, which I find confusing. Regardless, I want to correct her of that assumption immediately.
“No! It wasn’t like that, B.”
“Then why don’t you tell me what it was like? Were you just working out your crush?”
My mouth drops open in surprise. First Hollie knew, and now Bianca? Am I really that horrible at hiding my feelings? “How do you know about my crush?”
“Please, I’m your best friend, I knew. But I wasn’t going to be a dick and call you out when you obviously didn’t want to talk about it.”
I choose not to point out that she called me her best friend in the present tense and just nod my head. “It started out as a crush, that’s true. But it became so much more.”
“He didn’t take advantage of you, did he? Tell me the truth, Violet.”
This conversation is just one shock after another. Not only does she think her father could be capable of taking advantage of someone, but it almost feels like she’s taking my side.
“No, I swear. He didn’t take advantage of me. In fact, I basically threw myself at him, and he turned me down. But we just couldn’t seem to stay away from each other. We really care about each other. Or at least I care about him.” I mutter the last part almost to myself.
“You’re in love with him.” It’s not a question but a statement, one I can’t deny. Bianca lifts herself up out of her chair and moves over to sit on the couch with me, wrapping her arm tightly around my shoulders. And there go the waterworks again.
“Do you hate me?”
“Of course not. You’d have to do a lot worse than sleeping with my dad to make me hate you. Though, now that I’ve said it out loud, it does sound pretty gross. Besides, Hollie called me and reminded me you would never do anything to hurt me on purpose.”
Hollie is a goddamned saint. “I wouldn’t, I promise. I love you so much. You and Hollie are the closest things I have to a proper family. I can’t lose you.”
“I love you too,” she says, rocking me comfortingly. “You’re my family just as much as I’m yours. I think that’s why I was so shocked when I found out.”
“Well, you don’t have to worry about it anymore. We’re over. Honestly, we were never supposed to be anything more than casual. We want different things out of life. I want to be a mom, and he doesn’t want any more kids. He has you and his business, and he’s happy with that. It was me that was stupid and fell in love. We always had an expiration date. It’s one reason we didn’t bother telling you. I think we both figured it would be over before there was the need to.”
“He doesn’t love you?” she asks, looking perplexed.
“Of course not. I think he made it pretty clear this afternoon, by not saying a single word in defense of me or our relationship, that his feelings don’t mirror mine. He didn’t even bother to fight for me, B.”
“Well, all I can tell you is that he looked absolutely devastated when you left, then he read Mom the riot act and kicked us out about thirty seconds later.” It should surprise me he that didn’t take the time to try to explain everything away to Bianca, but nothing he does surprises me anymore.
“Are we okay?” I ask.
“Yeah, we’re okay.” She gives me another comforting squeeze. “But don’t you ever hide something like that from me again.”
“I won’t,” I promise her, and I mean it. “Does that mean you’re going to tell me what’s going on with you and the hot detective next door?”
Her eyes widen to the size of saucers, and she looks slightly panicked. “There’s nothing going on between us. He’s still a douchebag, but his nephew is cool. That’s it. End of story.”
“Okay, sure,” I say, holding up my hands in surrender. “Just know that if you want to talk about it, I’m here.”
Even though I’m not going to end up with Dante, at least I’ll always have Bianca. She’ll help me find a way to survive without him. Who knows, maybe someday in the far, far distant future, I’ll find another man I could love. If I just keep repeating that to myself, maybe someday I’ll believe it.
