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TWENTY-THREE
Dante
She’s right, I’m not good enough for her.
Her words played over and over in my mind last night, and I knew she was right.
Of all the ways I thought Violet and I might get found out, I never expected for my daughter and ex-wife to walk in on us when we were half-naked and going at it. If they had waited just a few more minutes before walking in, they would have seen a whole lot more, so I guess I can be thankful for that.
When Bianca started questioning me about what was going on, I was so dumbstruck at the situation that I didn’t know what to say. My mind ran over every scenario I could think of, trying to find something to say that would damage Violet’s relationship with Bianca the least, and I had come up with nothing. Maybe if she’d shown up alone, we could’ve all sat down and talked over what was going on, but with Amanda there it was impossible. She was calling names and antagonizing the situation. I was trying to find a way to get them out of the house as soon as possible.
While my mind was struggling to find a way to fix the situation, it looks like I ended up hurting the one person I never wanted to.
So yeah, she’s too good for me. It’s not news to me. I’ve always known it. It was one reason I tried to protect my heart from her, but I failed at that too. All my good intentions of showing her we belonged together, that we could be permanent, were thrown out the window. I was only fooling myself that we could ever be anything more than casual. She’s already made her mind up, and I don’t blame her one bit. Who wants to go through this kind of drama just to be with a used-up old man? I only hope that she can repair her relationship with Bianca someday. Violet needs her.
I don’t blame her for walking out on me. I just wish she would’ve given me a chance to explain how I felt. But what’s done is done, and I know it’s probably for the best. She was going to leave me eventually. It’s better to get it over with now, rip it off like a Band-Aid before I become even more invested than I already am.
Who am I kidding? I’m irrevocably in love with Violet Daniels. I waited my whole life to find love, and when I finally did, it was with someone who would have to be crazy to settle for me.
I can tell you one thing, with all the yelling, name calling, and accusations that were flying around the room, I was so proud of her for standing up for herself. I just wish she’d chosen something other than us, than me, to finally take a stand on.
I know without a doubt that I’ll never fall in love again. I waited almost forty years to find my first love. There won’t be another.
After Violet was gone, I ripped Amanda a new one. If she ever spoke to or about Violet like that again, I would make her unbelievably sorry. I knew she had her own secrets she was trying to keep, and unless she wanted them out, she better keep her mouth shut. I could practically see Bianca’s ears perk up at the mention of her mother’s secrets and felt a perverse glee that she’d get questioned all the way home. I then promptly threw them both out of my house.
I didn’t sleep last night. At all. I wandered the halls of my empty house. I’ve lived here by myself for the past ten years, and the house has never felt as empty as it does now. I picked up my phone again and again, hoping to see a text from Violet but never finding one. I thought about texting her myself a hundred times, but every time I just ended up setting it back down, leaving everything unsaid.
I thought about reading, but when I saw the eReader sitting on the nightstand, I knew that as soon as I turned it on it would be on the last page of the book we were reading together. Try as I might, I’m just not ready to close it yet.
I ended up sitting on the coach, staring absentmindedly at the television, and I couldn’t tell you a single thing I watched last night if my life depended on it.
When the sun starts rising in the sky, I decide I’ve had enough moping around the house. I make myself a cup of coffee, shower, and get dressed. I take a moment to study my reflection in the mirror and realize I look like shit. There are dark circles under my bloodshot eyes, and I have an overall air of misery hanging over me. Well, at least it’s appropriate.
The very last thing I want to do today is go out and show my clients around their new house. If it wasn’t for the fact that I have a few dozen guys counting on me for jobs, I probably would’ve said fuck it and blown the whole thing off. Instead, I call Jake to go with me. He’s ready to handle clients. I’ll just be there because it’s expected.
When Jake picks me up an hour later, I get into his truck and close the door without saying a word. “Holy shit, boss-man, you look like crap warmed over.”
“Thanks, that’s basically what I thought too. You can handle these clients, right? I’m only going to be there for moral support or if they have any questions outside your expertise.”
“Haven’t you learned by now that there’s nothing outside my expertise?” He laughs. After riding a few minutes in silence he continues, “So what happened?”
“Violet dumped me.” When I say it out loud, it hurts more. The words make me feel ill. I want to double over and hold my stomach but force myself to stay upright. I don’t need Jake knowing that I’m losing my mind.
“You’re shitting me.”
I just turn and stare at him unwaveringly.
“Okay, so you’re not shitting me. In all the years I’ve known you, I’ve never seen you so happy. What the fuck did you do?”
“Gee, thanks. Look, we don’t need to talk about this. Let’s just get this done so I can go home.”
Everything goes extremely well with the clients. They’re happy with the work, and Jake handled everything without a problem. It looks like it’s time to give him some more responsibilities. Good, because I think I might need to take a break for a while.
Once he drops me back at home, I grab a beer and head back to the couch, reclaiming the spot I sat in all last night. I don’t know how long I sit there before I hear a loud knocking on the door. I’ve just decided to ignore whoever is out there when I hear the click of the lock and the door start to slowly creak open.
“Hello? Anyone in here?” It’s my daughter’s voice, and I’m a little surprised she’s ventured back over so soon after yesterday’s disaster. I thought she would stay mad way longer than this. Then again, she could be here to rake me over the coals. Yeah, that definitely sounds more like Bianca.
“If there’s anyone in here and you’re naked, I suggest you put some clothes on right now!” she calls out.
