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Do it, please, sir. Anything to make it stop.
“You want to know what happened? Fine.” Yanking the magazine from her purse, she threw it at him, twin zings of satisfaction and fear running up her spine when it hit him square in the face. “That happened.”
Apparently, his curiosity was pressing enough for him to overlook her throwing things at him, because he did nothing more than glare at her before scanning the cover.
The corners of his lips dipped down, but his expression was otherwise carefully guarded when he looked up. “Okay. We’re in a tabloid. It happens sometimes.”
“Did you read the caption?Baseball Star’s Big Secret?”
His face crinkled in confusion. “Is that why you’re upset? You think I’ve been keeping you a secret?”
“Read the article.”
He frowned again, but flipped open the magazine and scanned the pages. A low, threatening growl filled the kitchen. “This is bullshit. I’m calling my lawyer.”
“What are you going to do? Sue them for printing some pictures of us in a magazine?”
“For slander.” Slapping the magazine on the table, he jabbed a finger at the glossy pages. “They can’t just say shit like this.”
“Slander?” For a moment, she just stared at him before she snorted out a laugh. “You can’t sue someone for slander when it’s the truth.”
“How the fuck do you figure this sorry excuse for journalism is the truth?”
“Because it is, Austin!” Something inside of her snapped and she grabbed two fistfuls of flesh and fat around her stomach. “Newsflash, Mr. Barrick, you’re dating the fat girl. Nothing they said in that article is wrong. You used to date supermodels and actresses and now you’re datingthis.”
His expression turned thunderous, and those dark, desperate parts of her thrilled. “Call yourself fat again and we’re going to have a problem, little girl.”
“Why? Because you don’t like to hear it? Because if I don’t say it, you can still pretend it’s not true?” She knew she was pushing too hard, too far, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself.
“It’s not true!” For the first time in their relationship, he raised his voice at her. But instead of cowering, she stepped forward, going toe to toe with him.
“Reality check, Austin. No matter what pretty words you want to use to get around it, I am fat. I’m a big girl. Not curvy, or voluptuous, or whatever else you tell yourself to avoid admitting the truth. And if you can’t accept that, then I guess you can’t really accept being with me.”
Shocked silence filled the space between them, seemingly pushing them further and further apart even though neither of them moved a muscle. Austin was the first to break it, his words slow and stilted, like he was struggling with each one. “You seriously think I don’t want you because I won’t let you call yourself fat? Do you even hear yourself right now?”
“Look me in the eye and tell me I’m wrong, Austin. Tell me I’m not all of those things they said about me.” All of a sudden, it was crucial to hear him say it. For him to admit he saw her, really saw her. And for her to know he loved her anyway.
“I’m not going to let you bully me into degrading you.”
All of those wounds she’d thought long-since healed ripped open at once. She was almost shocked to realize she wasn’t actually bleeding out on the kitchen floor. “How can you be with me if you think being fat is degrading?”
“You’re twisting my words.”
“Am I?”
“Yes!” Running his hands through his hair, he gave the short locks a sharp pull. “I think you’re fucking gorgeous exactly as you are. I wouldn’t change a thing about you and that includesallof you. Haven’t I proven that over and over again? What more do you need me to do, Kit?”
“I don’t know! I wish I knew, because then maybe I could stop feeling like this.”
The corners of his mouth dipped down and his brow furrowed, like she was some puzzle he couldn’t quite figure out. “Like what?”
“Like I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. For you to wake up one day and realize I’m not all that special after all. I thought I was past it, and then I saw that magazine and I just…” She held up her hands, at a loss for how to explain it to him in a way he might finally understand.
“Oh, kitten.” Sighing quietly, he stepped forward, cupping her face in his hands. The playful amusement she was so used to seeing in his eyes had been replaced by an emotion so intense, she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. “I wish I had the words to make this better. I want to be able to fix this for you, to make it all go away. But I can’t and it’s killing me.”
“I’m sorry.” Tears clogged in her throat, making the words thick and sluggish. “I wish I wasn’t like this, too.”
“That’s not what I meant. I just hate seeing you in pain.”
