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He'd already taken too many chances––put her in too much danger. Regret for not emptying his weapon into the head of every Volkov man before leaving the underground fortress outside of Moscow had never been so heavy. He'd acquired other enemies over the years, but those he could have dealt with. The Russian crime family was in a rare echelon of criminals with unprecedented global reach. He knew that as long as one of Viktor's sons were alive, he would be a hunted man and that made appearing in public with one of Hollywood's biggest starlets out of thequestion.
"What are you thinkingabout?"
Her voice startled him in the quiet of the dark loft. When he didn't answer, she added, "You looksad."
It was his turn to sigh. "I guess I am sad," he answeredtruthfully.
Several seconds passed before she quietly confronted the elephant presently jammed into the few inches between them. "You need to tellme."
"Tell you what?" He played dumb, pushing down the temptation to tell her thetruth.
"I'm not stupid. I know you're keeping secrets fromme."
He may not be able to tell her everything, but he sure as hell wouldn't let her think what he had to do was her fault. He reached out to push a messy lock of hair away from her face as he replied. "I know you aren't stupid, Princess, but it's for your owngood."
He was unprepared for her burst of anger as she slapped his hand away to retort. "Bullshit. You think you're protecting me, but you're wrong. We can deal with whatever it is, but we need to do ittogether."
If only that weretrue.
"It doesn't work like that forme."
"Maybe it never has before, but that's how it's going to work this time. You knowwhy?"
Her eyes flashed with determination in the dim lighting, stunning him into silence until she finished her thought. "It's going to work because I refuse to let you walk out on me––onus–– again. It nearly killed me last time, and we'd only been together threehours."
Her bravery was wavering, leaving vulnerability in its wake. Before his eyes, the angry actress was reduced to his fragile lover, her heart figuratively bared beforehim.
The old Ryder might have been able to pull it together and gloss over the moment, but in light of his own personal revelations, he could no more do anything that would injure her emotionally than he could have stabbed that bared heart with his huntingknife.
That left him in unchartedterritory.
She waited, watching him intently as he weighed hiswords.
"It's difficult," he said softly, clearing his throat of emotion before adding, "I've never talked with a civilian about itbefore."
Her perceptive gaze sparked with recognition of new information. "You're still in themilitary?"
He danced around her question. "Notexactly."
"Well, what then––exactly?"
Her impatience brought a sharpness to her tone. His inner-Dom raised an eyebrow, bringing an adorable blush to the bridge of her nose, spreading across her pale cheeks. The simple exchange only served to solidify their tenuous connection, reminding him that for the first, and only, time in his life, he understood what it meant to share his life withsomeone.
And not just anyone. With the remarkable, strong woman he was lucky enough to be sharing his pillow with. He hadn't known he'd been carrying around an empty lockbox in his heart all of these years, but now that she'd somehow unlocked the small compartment, it was as if he had lost thekey.
He couldn't imagine going back to life with it closedagain.
Yet, he'd have to try. It was the only way to keep hersafe.
"I'm not allowed to share the details. Just know that my only motivation is, and has only ever been, to keep you safe." He paused, hating to add the words he knew would hurt her. "It's why we can't ever be together. At least not in the way most couples canbe."
His words were a direct hit. Instant tears flooded her expressive eyes, but she angrily swished them away, refusing to accept hisanswer.
"That's such crap. I can't think of a single thing you could tell me that would convince me we aren't supposed to be together." A tear escaped, sliding down her left cheek, across her nose and towards the pillow below. "I know you feel the connection like Ido."
It was supposed to be a statement, but he heard the reflection in her voice, turning it more into ahope.
His acting skills had kept him alive through the most dangerous scenarios, so he knew if he wanted to, he could summon the skill to lie––to look into her eyes and tell her it had all just been fun and games for him, bagging a famousactress.
